The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[MicHughV]

a farmer is dying, and ask his three sons to appear at his deathbed....
he gives each one a duck, and tells them, whomever can sell his duck for the most money, will inherit the farm...
son #1 goes into town and manages to sell his duck for $3 and reports back to his dad...
"well done, son # 1, stand here"...
son # 2 goes into town and manages to sell his duck for $5 and reports back to his dad...
"well done son # 2, you stand on the other side of the bed....
son # 3 goes into town, but he is unable to sell his duck, dejected he is walking home, when he comes across a hooker and offers her the duck in exchange for some joy...
she agrees, but is having such a good time, she offers to return the duck in exchange for prolonged activity...son # 3 happily obliges....
finishing their business, the son continues to walk home, without having sold his duck......but a passing car runs over the duck, killing it....the distraught car driver offers to pay $10 to cover the loss of his duck...
finally he gets home....and his dad asks him..." well, son did you manage to sell your duck...?"
son # 3 replies " well dad, I got a f**k for duck, a duck for a f**k, and ten bucks for a f**ked up duck...

[mjscottinnc]

Originally Posted by SailRN

Proof of global warming:






Attachment 244173

Finely something clever

[stevenhigbee]

The Fair Labor Practices Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him.

AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.

"Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of rum and a dozen beers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?

[MBWhite]

Just noticed Uncle Bob has already posted this, but I still think it's funny.

[GordMay]

A professor was discussing a particularly complicated physics concept.
A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

[StuM]

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

[StuM]

Na na

[HopCar]

Hay Chewed, took me a minute. Reminds me of “There’s a bathroom on the right” by Creedence.

[chrisr]

stuM got me thinking...



nanna nanna nanna nanna...batman !

cheers,

[JohnT]

Beatles Cira ‘68 - Hey Jude

[El Pinguino]

I spent many years thinking 'Good King Wences last looked out on the feast of Stephen'

I also used to wonder why there were lots of indians called Sue in the movies but you only came across the sioux in cowboy comics.

[senormechanico]

A small child once thought the words from "God Bless America" were,
"Stand beside her, and guide her through the night from a light from a bulb".

[Montanan]

Pranksters be like:

[Montanan]

[SailRN]

And deliver us from email.