The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[GordMay]

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[GordMay]

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[GordMay]

Not "42":

[GordMay]

Q: What insurance company should one go for, if they ever get into any car accident, in Machu Picchu?
A: Peru-dential.

Q: What did the boat insurance agent reply, when a man asked him why their anti-fire premium was $2000, the anti-theft premium was $1500, yet their anti-fire and anti-theft policy was only for $500?
A: That's because nobody would likely ever steal a burnt boat.

Q: A doctor, a health insurance agent, and a lab tech walk into a bar. Who pays the tab?
A: The patient.

Q: Why did my health insurance company refuse to pay out my policy, just because I believe in reincarnation.
A: They said I had a pre existing condition.

Q: Why was an American, who walked into a bar, charged $150,000.
A: I guess, he couldn't afford health insurance.

Q: What is a Canadian?
A: It's an unarmed North American, with health insurance.

[GordMay]

[double u]

Originally Posted by skipperpete

Attachment 246689

are those cigarette ads "fair dinkum" or fakes?

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[Yellowtulip]

Originally Posted by double u

are those cigarette ads "fair dinkum" or fakes?

Look at this:

https://youtu.be/gCMzjJjuxQI

[GordMay]

It's horrifyingly sad, but true:

“The Doctors’ Choice Is America’s Choice” ~ by Martha N. Gardner, PhD and Allan M. Brandt, PhD
The Physician in US Cigarette Advertisements, 1930–1953
➥ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1470496/

Cigarettes were once ‘physician’ tested, approved
➥ https://www.healio.com/news/hematolo...ested-approved

When Cigarette Companies Used Doctors to Push Smoking
➥ https://www.history.com/news/cigaret...ng-endorsement


Q: What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Stop, and apply lubrication.

Q: What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
A: Yours [OP’s].

I saw a sign the other day that said: "Maximum penalty for smoking is $1,000"
But, that can't be right.
Surely, the maximum penalty, for smoking, is Death.

[GordMay]

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body.
She said to me, “You are in your 70’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.”
I asked "why".
She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

[GordMay]

Don't ever let a conservative tell you, that they're "pro-life", ever again.
https://youtu.be/GTyeBQXk8V4

What it would be like, if every medical procedure was as fraught with unnecessary restrictions, as an abortion.
Here’s a hint: “God has a plan for your gallbladder”:
➥ https://youtu.be/DqDl1zXxV34?list=UU...BIdRsSf4XCGs9g

How about a proposed law, that would make women seeking abortions, set up, and paint a nursery first?
➥ https://youtu.be/Zrm7W3zGSoA

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Don't ever let a conservative tell you, that they're "pro-life", ever again.
https://youtu.be/GTyeBQXk8V4

What it would be like, if every medical procedure was as fraught with unnecessary restrictions, as an abortion.
Here’s a hint: “God has a plan for your gallbladder”:
➥ https://youtu.be/DqDl1zXxV34?list=UU...BIdRsSf4XCGs9g

How about a proposed law, that would make women seeking abortions, set up, and paint a nursery first?
➥ https://youtu.be/Zrm7W3zGSoA

Abortion is never mentioned in any Christian scripture...not even once. However, men "wasting the seed" (sperm) is mentioned explicity many times as a way to displease the Christian God. Why is it that no fine upstanding member of the religious right, or congressman owned by them, has proposed legislation against unproductive ejaculation?

It would be humorus to get such legislation proposed and we how they faught it!

[GordMay]

If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to ‘productive’ sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me, when I was 12: “God is watching you, when you masturbate”.
I said: “Is God a pedophile too, Father?”

Q: What do you get, from too much phone sex?
A: Hearing aids.

Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?
A: When he watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door, at the same time.

Q; What is the most sensitive part of a mans anatomy while he’s masturbating?
A: His ears.

[GordMay]

Change of pace:

Q: What’s the difference between a hippo, and a zippo?
A: One is really heavy, and the other’s a little lighter.

Q: When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?
A: When it becomes apparent.

Q: What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle, and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
A: Attire.

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.
But hay, it’s in my jeans.

I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But, if anything, it made him more sluggish.

I contributed ten jokes, to make cruisers laugh.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.