The 2021 -2024 and Continuing Joke Threads

[Buzzman]

Well, according to our Prime Minister, their President is a liar...!!!




Or, was that the other way round......????? Mmmmmmm.....


[Pardon the bastardised Francais...]
(sings) "Nous sommes reste dans un sous-marin Francais, un sous-marin Francais..."

[JPA Cate]

Or, "Vivons tous dans un jaune sous-marin," etc.

[Buzzman]

Yeah, well, the Australian/French subs were not going to be 'jaune'....but thanks for the correction. I just couldn't be arsed looking up tthe correct translation.... lol

I'm actually surprised Macron was so 'restrained' - but then he usually is very polite.


Unlike the twat we have to put up with...

[JPA Cate]

I don't know about Macron, but "Yankee Doodle went to town, a-riding on a pony,
stuck a feather in his hat and called it Macaroni."

[Buzzman]

"Dumb-arse Aussie went to Glasgow, thought he had no worries,
His goal was 'Coal and still more coal', undone by Frenchie Macron"

[goguygo]

In heaven,

• The police are British
• The cooks are French
• The engineers are German
• The administrators are Swiss
• The lovers are Italian

In hell,

• The police are German
• The cooks are British
• The engineers are Italian
• The administrators are French
• The lovers are Swiss

[Jim Cate]

^^^^

Please Uncle Bob, not in the joke thread, pretty please!!

Jim

[Uncle Bob]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

^^^^

Please Uncle Bob, not in the joke thread, pretty please!!

Jim

Jim, sorry and duly deleted.

[ozsailer]

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

Given it was just Remembrance Sunday I think this joke is in poor taste. Why not insert your own people in the joke rather then others.

No, its a joke. nothing more nothing less. By they way you can interchange any countries flag so its not offensive to you.

[jeanathon]

As someone with Polish heritage I am offended you forgot to include a dumb Pollock joke...

Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY

I don't want to offend anyone, so if I missed a nationality, please let me know!!

– What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pocket?
– A mute!

-Why is the Austrian flag Red, White, Red?
-So they can't fly it upside down!

-Duncan MacManus donates a lot of money to charities, but he likes to remain anonymous.
-That's why he doesn't sign his name to the cheques!

-A Greek and an Italian were arguing about who had the better culture. The Greek says we have the Parthenon and the Italian replies that they had the Coliseum. The Greek says they invented democracy and the Italian replies they built the Roman Empire. This goes on and on until the Greek says they invented sex, and the Italian replies that while true, it was the Italians who introduced it to women.

-What is the fastest thing in Kosovo?
-An Albanian with your TV!

-The Belgium Ministry of Transportation introduced a new road sign.
-It says "End of Roundabout."

-How do you know if a Chinese person tried to rob your home?
-When you return your math homework has been done, your computer has been upgraded, and he is still trying to back your car out of your driveway.

-In the English language, if you speak three languages, you are called tri-lingual.
-In the English language, if you speak two languages, you are called bi-lingual.
-In the English language, if you speak one language, you are called American!

This one is not Canadian but they'll certainly understand it!
-John sees a sign that says boat for sale. When he looks in the yard he only sees a tractor and a beat up truck for sale. He knocks on the door and an old Newfie answers. John asks him about the boat for sale and the Newfie seems confused, and relies, "No bye. I ain't got no boat for sale. John says "What about the sign?"
-The Newfie replies, "Aye. An dere boat for sale."

-I recently applied for Australian citizenship and during the interview they asked if I had a criminal history.
-I replied that I didn't know that was still a requirement for citizenship.

-During WWII, how could you tell the optimist German from the pessimist German?
-The optimist studies English. The pessimist studies Russian.

-I hate Russian dolls.
-They're so full of themselves.

-Why don't Indians play football?
-Because every time they get a corner they open up a shop.

-What do you call a Kiwi in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
-Referee!

[IslandHopper]

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

And God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God, again saw it was good.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Ok," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.

For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.

For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.

And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you, If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch..

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[Montanan]

A woman goes to a psychologist and complains: “I don't want to marry. I am educated, independent, and self-sufficient. I don't need a husband. But my parents are asking me to marry. What do I do?”

Psychologist replied: “You, undoubtedly will achieve great things in life. But somethings inevitably will not go the way you want. Somethings will go wrong. Sometimes you will fail. Sometimes your plans won't work. Sometimes your wishes will not be fulfilled. Then who will you blame? Will you blame yourself?”

Woman: “NO!!!”

Psychologist: “Exactly... That's why you need a husband!”