The Joke Thread

[Dreaming Yachtsman]

A sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun, and his boots. He arrests the cowboy for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks, "Why in the world are you walking around like this?"

The cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff, I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt. So I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants. So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my underwear. So I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town, Cowboy. And here I am."

Son of a gun! Blond men do exist!

[Teleman]

Originally Posted by Doodles

Did you hear the one about the bare boat charter captain calling on the VHF back to the charter office, “hello, yes we’re wondering what we’re supposed to do tonight to anchor?” The office asks where they are and explains to them that that is a good safe anchorage, you should have no problem. The captain says, “but we haven’t an anchor on board!” The office comes back and says, “Sir there are three anchors on-board every charter boat before it leaves the dock.” And the captain says, ” I know, but this is our fourth night.”

This a true story. Happened right here in the Whitsundays. "Can you send out another anchor, we've used them all."

[impi]

Originally Posted by Teleman

This a true story. Happened right here in the Whitsundays. "Can you send out another anchor, we've used them all."

NO WAY ....

[captainKJ]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their
wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a
virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been
married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great
it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was
supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out
diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order,he
didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted
three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how,
but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never
sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...
God! I miss him!!!

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the lawyer, "but, why?"

"Duh! You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[lookoutnw]

Originally Posted by captainKJ

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their
wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a
virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been
married ten times?"

But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the lawyer, "but, why?"

"Duh! You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Well, as a Carpenter, I would have NAILED IT GOOD!!!

[captainKJ]

i'm gonna stop here before I get into trouble

[Minggat]

Originally Posted by Teleman

This a true story. Happened right here in the Whitsundays. "Can you send out another anchor, we've used them all."

Uh...
Well sorry. But that urban legend has been around a while. The first time I heard it, it "really happened" in La Paz, Mexico.

But it's still good.

[lookoutnw]

Originally Posted by Minggat

Uh...
Well sorry. But that urban legend has been around a while. The first time I heard it, it "really happened" in La Paz, Mexico.

But it's still good.

NOpe it was a charter out of Crete... Least that is what I heard in Greece...

[Rhapsody-NS27]

Originally Posted by Minggat

Uh...
Well sorry. But that urban legend has been around a while. The first time I heard it, it "really happened" in La Paz, Mexico.

But it's still good.

I wouldn't be surprised if any urban legend ended up starting as fact.

[Sailor g]

Originally Posted by lookoutnw

Well, as a Carpenter, I would have NAILED IT GOOD!!!

Maybe... but after hitting your thumbs and tennis elbow makes using your arms useless so you end up using something rechargeable

[lookoutnw]

Originally Posted by Sailor g

Maybe... but after hitting your thumbs and tennis elbow makes using your arms useless so you end up using something rechargeable

Darn, should have been a plumber....

[GaryMayo]

The Dali Lama walks into a pizza shop and says "Make me one with everything"

You tube that , some reporter told the Dali Lama that joke and he did not get it.

[Johnathon123]

Originally Posted by GaryMayo

The Dali Lama walks into a pizza shop and says "Make me one with everything"

You tube that , some reporter told the Dali Lama that joke and he did not get it.

Yeah, Google Karl Stefanovic.. He is the said Aussie.. Guarantee to produce at least 3 ridiculous situations every year

[sctpc]

he should have told him this one:
Dalai lama orders a 5$ hot-dog pays with a 10$ bill
Dalai Lama waits for his change but the change never comes
Dalai Lama is like:
"HEY MAN! where is my change?"
and the waiter says:
"Change must come from within!"


I stole that from the youtube clip a far better one

[Sailor g]

Originally Posted by lookoutnw

Darn, should have been a plumber....

Aww..
Girls love all you construction boys. It's the wild side we can't resist! And I almost didn't send it- I mean- nothin' wrong with rechargeables!!