The Joke Thread

[atoll]

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?"
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?"
Again he declines. "No, thanks. It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. "Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That'll only take a couple of minutes."
Once more, he declines. "Again, thanks, but it's this Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well, then", she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm f*****g STARVING!".....!!!

[lookoutnw]

Originally Posted by Sailor g

Aww..
Girls love all you construction boys. It's the wild side we can't resist! And I almost didn't send it- I mean- nothin' wrong with rechargeables!!

The I was born the brother to the Eveready Energizer Bunny!
Have a great Sail!

[Dreaming Yachtsman]

Originally Posted by Minggat

Uh...
Well sorry. But that urban legend has been around a while. The first time I heard it, it "really happened" in La Paz, Mexico.

But it's still good.

We heard a similar (boat had only two anchors, though) conversation on VHF in the BVI's in 1996.

[Cheechako]

this is disapointing!

[svpattyd]

Originally Posted by Cheechako

this is disapointing!

Kind of like saying you are hung like a light switch.

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by svpattyd

Kind of like saying you are hung like a light switch.

Our "jokester" says Hung like a Hampster.

[justlearnin]

Originally Posted by svpattyd

Kind of like saying you are hung like a light switch.

Oh I am so gonna start using that .. maybe its reverse psychology, maybe not ... cause there is only 1 way to know for sure.

[Troublemaker]

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
(I just love this)

'For F.... sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN

[Therapy]

On January 9 a group of Pekin, Illinois





bikers were riding west on I-74 when





they saw a girl about to jump off a





Peoria bridge, so they stopped.






The leader, George,a big burly man of




53, gets off his bike, walks through the





gawkers, past the State Trooper, and says,





"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says.





While he didn't want to appear "sensitive,"


he also didn't want to miss a �be-a-legend�





opportunity either,so he asked ... "Well,





before you jump, why don't you give me





a kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned





back over the railing and did just that...





and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss





followed immediately by another one.



After she's finished, George gets approval





from his group, the onlookers, and even the





State Trooper!




Then he says, "Wow! That was





the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's





a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts.





You could be famous if you rode with me.





Why are you committing suicide?"



"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl"








The onlookers are still unclear whether she





jumped or was pushed!

[bruce smith]

new playboy magazine for married men.
every month, same chick

[lookoutnw]

Originally Posted by bruce smith

new playboy magazine for married men.
every month, same chick

Yes, I have that subscription....
Pages are blurry, dog-eared, and worn quite thin....

Gotta go cruising!

[Finistere]

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish
you were married, or wish you weren't married, this
is something to smile about the next time you see a
bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's
a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
she said:

'Good trade.....'

[Troublemaker]

A refuse collector in Cairns, Australia, is driving along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor.
He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks.
There's no answer.
Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks again - a bit harder and then harder still.
Eventually a Chinese man comes to the door. "Harro!" says the Chinese man.
"Gidday, mate! Where's ya bin?" asks the collector.
"I bin on toiret," explains the Chinese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realising the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again.
"No! No! Mate, where’s your dust bin?"
"I dust been to toiret, I toll you!'' says the Chinese man, still perplexed.
"Listen," says the collector. "You're misunderstanding me. Where's your 'wheelie' bin?'"
"OK, OK." replies the Chinese man with a sheepish grin and whispers in the collector's ear.
"I wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife's sista!"

[carstenb]

A sailboat is a hole in the water, surrounded by wood, into which you pour money

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by carstenb

A sailboat is a hole in the water, surrounded by wood, into which you pour money

That is no joke.

See thetruththread.com