The Joke Thread

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Why did the Moderator cross the road?

Why? P

[Pelagic]

Hell if I know.... Always thought they didn't take sides....

[K_V_B]

Originally Posted by Coops

How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb?

3 who claim that modern light bulbs suck, and that one should really only use bulbs made before 1970
5 who claim that there's nothing wrong with modern bulbs, that they atpre even superior.
2 who claim that vintage doesn't mater as long as it has a long keel....

[bornyesterday]

If you haven't seen this it's well worth watching to the very end. Enjoy.
"8 out of 10 cats does countdown" never disappoints.

[video=youtube;MDaGGcmIwCE]

[S/V Antares]

In order to keep with the nautical fourm ..... How many coasties does it take to change a lightbulb?

[sparrowhawk1]

Okay I'll be the straight guy. I don't know how many coasties does it take to change a lightbulb?

[Sailor g]

Originally Posted by Coops

How many forum posters does it take to change a light bulb? Coops.

You have to be sure you can take that lightbulb in offshore lights. Some do not have the proper glass. And some filaments aren't connected properly. Some bulbs are cheaper but they should only be used in coastal lights. And do not think of anchoring it to a table with just any ol' anchor...

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by S/V Antares

In order to keep with the nautical fourm ..... How many coasties does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's a certified electrician who was hired due to affirmative action quotas who works for a company that won the contract because it was a disadvantaged small business owned by a disabled female minority.

[sailorboy1]

what's a lightbulb?

[D&D]

[D&D]

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Fred's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

[LakeSuperior]

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."

The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings that are on drugs."

The bear says, "I'm not on drugs."

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

[Pelagic]

Ouch!

[Wonderinlost]

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None its a hardware issue.

[S/V Antares]

Originally Posted by S/V Antares

In order to keep with the nautical fourm ..... How many coasties does it take to change a lightbulb?

It appears that it takes 4,

One to hold the bulb
one to hold the tool bag
one to hold the pole
And one to spin the boat around the pilling!