The Joke Thread

[D&D]

In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring Colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring Colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less thanthree feet tall.
"Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of ...."
Here the Colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get f----d."

[ohYes]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

I'm too scared to click any o' dem links...

I agree @Ex-Calif! My computer would hate me in the morning... if not right away!

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by ohYes

I agree @Ex-Calif! My computer would hate me in the morning... if not right away!

yes - but will it still respect you in the morning

[ohYes]

OK... here's one of my hilarious guilty pleasures - reading text "auto correct" fails that people submit online. For example:
Popular Autocorrect Fails | Autocorrect Fail - Hilarious Auto Correct blunders and funny texts and messages from your mobile phone!

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by ohYes

OK... here's one of my hilarious guilty pleasures - reading text "auto correct" fails that people submit online. For example:
Popular Autocorrect Fails | Autocorrect Fail - Hilarious Auto Correct blunders and funny texts and messages from your mobile phone!

I have a 16 y/o son - someone thought of me when they saw this...

[svmariane]

#MeanwhileInRussia....

I'm sorry.

I simply did not know in which thread to enter this photo.
It seems that things have changed since I last lived in Russia....
Of course, that was back in the early nineties. {The 1990's. Clown.}

These are Russian Police Officers.

Now - think about that for a moment...

Okay - They aren't on riot control duty, just park patrol.



Still...




(sigh)

[BandB]

Originally Posted by svmariane

#MeanwhileInRussia....

I'm sorry.

I simply did not know in which thread to enter this photo.
It seems that things have changed since I last lived in Russia....
Of course, that was back in the early nineties. {The 1990's. Clown.}

These are Russian Police Officers.

Now - think about that for a moment...

Okay - They aren't on riot control duty, just park patrol.



Still...




(sigh)

The ministry is imposing a June 25 deadline for officers to reacquaint themselves with the dress codes. So, apparently these lengths are not going to continue.

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by BandB

The ministry is imposing a June 25 deadline for officers to reacquaint themselves with the dress codes. So, apparently these lengths are not going to continue.

Oh.

Well in that case.....

Guess I'll just go grease a winch. Or clean the waterline.


(sigh)

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by svmariane

#MeanwhileInRussia....

I'm sorry.

I simply did not know in which thread to enter this photo.
It seems that things have changed since I last lived in Russia....
Of course, that was back in the early nineties. {The 1990's. Clown.}

These are Russian Police Officers.

Now - think about that for a moment...

Okay - They aren't on riot control duty, just park patrol.



Still...




(sigh)

Wow! Best reason "ever" for resisting arrest and getting into a wrestling match...

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Oh.

Well in that case.....

Guess I'll just go grease a winch. Or clean the waterline.


(sigh)

better yet - go grease a wench

[svmariane]

MeanwhileInUkraine... Ukrainian Air Force Cadets

Being politically non-correct, I'm wondering what would happen if the Russian Police Officers (depicted in a previous post) and the Ukraine Air Force Cadets (depicted here) were to somehow...

Well. T'would be better than the hostilities currently happening twixt the guys over there in the border zones.



(sigh)

[Therapy]

What is the world coming to?

(Sigh)

[SilentOption]

A man is driving down the street when he spies a young lad weeping away. He stops and calls out to him asking what the problem might be....The young lad stopped crying long enough to say.. Oh..Me Ma has died........Oh my goodness the man says...Shall I call father OReilly? No thanks Mister the Lad says...Sex is the last thing on me mind...

[Canibul]

Originally Posted by Therapy

What is the world coming to?

(Sigh)

I just contacted the Russians and was told I'm too old to join up.

[avb3]

Are you old enough to remember the hula hoop?

Do you have fond memories of it?

Oh the memories


of those tender years


Well in case you forgot what it is,


and what a fun toy it was...


This should help your declining memory.

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Mesmerizing, isn't it?