The Joke Thread

[Coops]

A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine.
He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.
A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world;
it's called Turpentine.'
The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world
is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly,
she'll pass a healthy baby.'
The little boy replied,
'If you rub turpentine on a cat's arse, he'll pass a
Harley Davidson !'

Coops.

[HappyMdRSailor]

Originally Posted by ontherocks83

It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them.

The police call it indecent exposure. But whatever....

HA!

Originally Posted by jeanathon

Damn what'd I miss? Did someone say watch this boys. ?

Now that's downright redneck right there....

[Rhapsody-NS27]

Originally Posted by capt-couillon

Ya might be a "boat-bum" if....

2, You consider duct tape 5200 a long term investment...

Thought that needed some fix'n

Although, you could probably go with a new line like this:

You consider 5200 a long term commitment.

[a64pilot]

5200 IS a long term comittment

[capt-couillon]

Meanwhile.... Back home in Louisiana

[GordMay]

I think:
"Y'all" is singular.
"All y'all" is plural.
"All y'all's" is plural possessive.

[a64pilot]

I think, your correct

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by GordMay

I think:
"Y'all" is singular.
"All y'all" is plural.
"All y'all's" is plural possessive.

Very close, especially for a non native of the south, but perhaps some minor clarifications.

Most often even in the south "you" is used for singular although it's not unheard of to sometimes hear y'all used for any form of you. So some ambiguity here.

Y'all is certainly plural form, a contraction of you all. Like you guys or youse guys in the north.

All y'all is more plural than y'all. For example at a family reunion there are 40-50 people standing around and the food is on the table. One might say all y'all come and eat.

By the way, if there are 40-50 people standing around at a southern family reunion one cannot automatically assume that all the spouses are also cousins.................. but they could be.

[ontherocks83]

I knew my coach was full of it....

[Canibul]

You're leaving out y'all all.
Which is definitely different than all y'all.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by ontherocks83

I knew my coach was full of it....

Now that made me chuckle.

[ontherocks83]

I used to have SUPER POWERS but my psychiarist took them away.

[Dsanduril]

Originally Posted by ontherocks83

I knew my coach was full of it....

I'm disappointed. The whole punch line is:

"I found the 'i' in team - there it is, it's in the a-hole"

[Therapy]

A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart store and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,
"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit,or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

[Therapy]

Religious Stuff

Taoism
Stuff happens.

Buddhism
If stuff happens, it's not really stuff.

Islam
If stuff happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism
Stuff happens because you don't work hard enough.

Judaism
Why does this stuff always happen to us?

Hinduism
This stuff happened before.

Catholicism
Stuff happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna
Stuff happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism
Send more stuff.

Atheism
No stuff.

Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, stuff happens.

Hedonism
There's nothing like a good stuff happening.

Christian Science
Stuff happens in your mind.

Agnosticism
Maybe stuff happens, maybe it doesn't.

Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this stuff.

Existentialism
What is stuff anyway?

Stoicism
This stuff doesn't bother me.

(Of course it came as stuff = sh*t. Obviously)