The Joke Thread

[Canibul]

Originally Posted by captain58sailin

It is just a statistic I heard some time ago. I use it to give Homophobs a hard time.

Actually, in my case, it looks pretty close. I just did a head count, and out of 29 nieces and nephews in our combined families, we know for sure three of them are homosexual. One is ten is pretty close.

[Nikolina]

Don't really care how many queers are in your family it's a "joke thread". Try posting a joke!

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by frank_f

Speaking of jokes on the joke thread, has anyone heard from Coops or did I miss something?

Skip back and read through posts #4350... 4370.

Many of us are curious and waiting to hear something....

[El Pinguino]

Originally Posted by Canibul

actually, the combined family is bigger than that and there are three that I know of.

In my extended family going back quite a while i.e. back to about Queen Victoria's time I can only think of one.... I think my uncle was a poof.

He was a canon in the Church of England but they fired him cos he had a dirty habit...

[mlydon]

Jokes, dammit! All this gay chatter should be in the gay thread, NOT the moke thread

What do you say to a blond woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing - she's already been told twice

What do you call a blond with a brunnette dye job?
Artificial intelligence

What do blonds put behind their ears to attract men?
Their ankles

[GordMay]

Nervous newbie crew to skipper. "Do yachts like this sink very often?".
Skipper: "No, usually it's only once!"


Is a leak in the back of a boat a stern warning?

[senormechanico]

At a cocktail party, a gorgeous tall blonde sidled up to him and purred,
"Oooh, you're an airline pilot ! I'll bet that's a really exciting job !

He calmly replied,
"Not if you do it properly."

[svmariane]

George went over to his fiancee's house and sadly told his girlfriend the wedding was off. He was going to marry another woman. His girlfriend was distraught.

She asked, "How can you choose another woman over me? Is she a better cook?" "Not on her best days; she can't match your everyday cooking."

"Does she buy you gifts like I do, the electronic toys that please men so much.?" "She can't buy me anything. She has no job and no money."

"Then she must be beautiful and hotter! Is she that much better than me?" "No, you're fantastic."

"Then what can this woman possibly do better than me that you want to marry her?" "She can sue me for child support."

[svmariane]

After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audio-book version of a novel.

"I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed," I complained. "He refers to characters I don't know and introduces them a half hour later."

My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn't until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained: I had my iPod set on "Shuffle."

[svmariane]

Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean?
----------------------------------------------------------

NEW - Different color from previous design.

ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

EXCLUSIVE - Imported product.

UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.

FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.

ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit.

FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does.

REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had a big argument with distributor.

YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.

BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.

MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.

MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.

SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.

HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.

[svmariane]

Have you ever thought about the range of words that have their roots in the Greek language? There are many such words in mathematics, such as geometry.

Some of these words have an interesting derivation. A contemporary of Pythagoras was watching a parrot playing with some twigs. Although birds often play with twigs, leaves and branches, this parrot, to the mathematician's amazement, actually arranged the pieces of wood into some sort of a pattern. Then, unfortunately, the bird keeled over, dead.

The mathematician was so moved that he named the shape, "Dead parrot." Although - of course - he said it in Greek....

This is why, to this day, we call that shape a polygon.







Here... I'll do it for you:

[svmariane]

A flight attendant on a United Air Lines cross-country flight nervously announced about 30 minutes outbound from LA: "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."

When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued: "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."

Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available."

[svmariane]

Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his barstool and lies motionless on the floor.

"One thing about Fred," his buddy says to the bartender. "He knows when to stop."

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by svmariane

George went over to his fiancee's house and sadly told his girlfriend the wedding was off. He was going to marry another woman. His girlfriend was distraught.

She asked, "How can you choose another woman over me? Is she a better cook?" "Not on her best days; she can't match your everyday cooking."

"Does she buy you gifts like I do, the electronic toys that please men so much.?" "She can't buy me anything. She has no job and no money."

"Then she must be beautiful and hotter! Is she that much better than me?" "No, you're fantastic."

"Then what can this woman possibly do better than me that you want to marry her?" "She can sue me for child support."

This is supposed to be the joke thread.

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Here... I'll do it for you:

Much appreciated.