The Joke Thread

[Bill Burgette]

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good!'

Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'Screw the Indians,'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.

'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?'

Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little ****. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'

Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'

The teacher fainted.

And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh ****, we're screwed!'

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".

[TaoJones]

Originally Posted by Bill Burgette

<snip>

And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was the American people, November 4th, 2008".

Funny joke . . . but it was funnier in the original, when the date was December 12, 2000.

TaoJones

[Soundbounder]

I don't get it!
If the majority of people in the US voted for the candidate that won on Election Day in 2008, why would they say that "we are screwed"????
I think political jokes work better when there is an element of truth to them.

[Soundbounder]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my
lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook
the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down
pour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad
throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is
terrible..'
My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?'

That is solid!!!!!!!

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Soundbounder

I don't get it!
If the majority of people in the US voted for the candidate that won on Election Day in 2008, why would they say that "we are screwed"????
I think political jokes work better when there is an element of truth to them.

As TaoJones said, it was funnier in the original, when the date was December 12, 2000; when the vote count was: 50,456,002 Bush, vs 50,999,897 for Gore.

[TaoJones]

Originally Posted by GordMay

As TaoJones said, it was funnier in the original, when the date was December 12, 2000; when the vote count was: 50,456,002 Bush, vs 50,999,897 for Gore.

Yes, and December 12, 2000 was the day five of the nine Supreme Court justices placed their thumbs on the scales of justice.

See: Bush v. Gore - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

TaoJones

[Soundbounder]

The Canadian Oil Minister announced this week that oil had been discovered off the coast of Nova Scotia. In a related story, President Bush accused Canada of being responsible for September 11, and possessing weapons of mass destruction.

[multihullsailor6]

An old woman goes to the dentist.

When she takes her seat, the dentist thinks that she seems a bit uptight and could do with a little relaxation. Putting on his latex gloves, he asks her "Do you know you these are made?". To which she answers "No". "Well, in Mexico there is a factory which produces the latex liquid. The locals, needing some income, then come in, dip their hands in the liquid, wait for it to dry, then pull off the gloves and put them in bins marked small, medium, large on their way out". The old woman shows no reaction, so the dentist just starts with his work.

Five minutes later, whilst he in busy doing what a dentist does, she suddenly laughs out loud. "What's so funny?" asks the doctor.

"You see, I just worked out how they produce condoms".

[Soundbounder]

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the clerk if they sell extra large condoms.
"Yes we do" answers the clerk, "would you like to buy some"?

"No" she replies, "but do you mind if I wait around here until somebody else does"?

[Chief Engineer]

EH? You Betcha!

Originally Posted by Soundbounder

The Canadian Oil Minister announced this week that oil had been discovered off the coast of Nova Scotia. In a related story, President Bush accused Canada of being responsible for September 11, and possessing weapons of mass destruction.

[senormechanico]

Isn't this the joke thread?
I know the last few presidents we've had have been jokes, and we may be in for another one, but if political stuff is your bent and you're a sailor, maybe you should post here:

Sailing Anarchy Forums -> Political Anarchy

Steve B.

[Soundbounder]

Two guys are sitting in a bar complaining about their wives.
The first one says "my wife is so dumb, she went out and bought a car last week, but she doesn't even know how to drive".

"That's nothing" says the second one. "My wife started keeping a box of condoms in her purse, right after she told me she wasn't interested in having sex anymore."

[Charlie]

A woman goes to her doctor and tells him, " Everytime that I sneeze I have an orgasim."

"What are you taking for it?" asks the doctor.

"Pepper." replies the woman

[Brent Swain]

A frenchman was walking down the beach in the Med, and found the body of a woman who had drowned. After dragging her body up the beach, he ran off to call the police. When he returned he found another frenchman making love to the corpse. He ran down the beach yelling ." Monsieur, that woman is dead." The other frenchman replied. " Sacre Bleu. I thought she was American."

Brent

[Waterborn]

A lady is timidly walking around the Pharmacy looking up and down the ailes. The pharmacist looks over at her and asks if he can help her. Head down she towards the back of the store and quietly asks if they sell Viagra. "Well of coarse, yes" he answers. She then asks "Can you get it over the counter?" The pharmacist pauses, and says "Yes, but I'd have to take two."

One more.... My friend took a Viagra and got the pill stuck in his throat. He had a stiff neck for four hours.

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"There are two things in that are infinte; The universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the universe"... Albert Einstein