The New Joke Thread

[Rock-Head]

Definition of humor

1. 1 a : a normal functioning bodily semifluid or fluid (as the blood or lymph) b : a secretion (as a hormone) that is an excitant of activity
2. 2 a in medieval physiology : a fluid or juice of an animal or plant; specifically : one of the four fluids entering into the constitution of the body and determining by their relative proportions a person's health and temperament b : characteristic or habitual disposition or bent : temperament <of cheerful humor> c : an often temporary state of mind imposed especially by circumstances <was in no humor to listen> d : a sudden, unpredictable, or unreasoning inclination : whim
3. 3 a : that quality which appeals to a sense of the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous b : the mental faculty of discovering, expressing, or appreciating the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous c : something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing

[uncle stinkybob]

Originally Posted by Adelie

Your professor was wrong!

The nature of humor is breaking an expectation without breaking logic.

And example of this is the riddle;
Q: What do you call the cross between a parrot and a tiger?
A: You call it whatever it tells you to call it.

For most people there would be a pre-existing expectation that the answer is some sort of linguistic mashup of the words tiger and parrot but the answer is something different so the expectation is broken though the answer is otherwise "valid".

There are plenty of other examples of this.

I accept that a certain amount of humor involves putting down certain classes or groups of people based their characteristics or the characteristics that outsiders ascribe to them (stereotyping). But to say that almost all humor is this way strikes me as narrow and provincial.

I have a wide repretoir of off color jokes which I regularly repeat. But even I, as a slow learner, figured out that you have to pick your audience for certain jokes.

Also, just because you were impressed doesn't mean you professor was that smart.

WARNING WARNING WARNING. This video contains unrestrained comedy.
I deleted the video, in my opinion only, it was over the top and would have brought many complaints
a64pilot

[Kenomac]

Here's what is probably the worst "How to" video ever make:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=oyFT5i6Ryz0

[a64pilot]

My wife has always had long, thick hair and it gets everywhere, I worry about it in the bilge.
Anyway I have always refereed to cleaning out the tub drain as "de-mousing" the tub, cause the long thick hair look so much like pulling a mouse out.
I sent this to her at work

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by ontherocks83

LOL ! Thanks for that. I now have new computer wallpaper.

[tkeithlu]

This retired psychology professor disagrees with your professor. While plenty of humor does come at the expense of some group, lawyers and blond women being good examples, the essence of humor is the unexpected punch line. While Rodney Dangerfield did tell his most famous joke at the expense of his wife, his saying "Now take my wife..." used a common expression for which the expected next was something like "she makes me do the dishes." The unexpected alteration of the meaning of "take" from "for example" over to "remove her" when he said "Pluuueeeeze" made it funny.

[a64pilot]

The joke thread is much looser than the rest of the forum as to what is allowed here, but we are a family friendly forum, so I think maybe we need to restrain it a little.
Idea being would you be embarrassed if your daughter or granddaughter were reading over your shoulder? If so, maybe we don't need to post it.

[D&D]

Originally Posted by tkeithlu

This retired psychology professor disagrees with your professor. While plenty of humor does come at the expense of some group, lawyers and blond women being good examples, the essence of humor is the unexpected punch line. While Rodney Dangerfield did tell his most famous joke at the expense of his wife, his saying "Now take my wife..." used a common expression for which the expected next was something like "she makes me do the dishes." The unexpected alteration of the meaning of "take" from "for example" over to "remove her" when he said "Pluuueeeeze" made it funny.

We stand corrected...and suitably chastised...

...and we do not blame our learned professor from so many years ago. Rather, recollection(s) of his point are undoubtedly fuzzy, as perhaps were original understandings...

[ontherocks83]

The matter is now settled

[ontherocks83]

my kind of list

[mlydon]

Which is at the expense of Rodney's wife........

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

(snip) Idea being would you be embarrassed if your daughter or granddaughter were reading over your shoulder? If so, maybe we don't need to post it.

My daughter was no bigger than a tadpole when she learned that Dear 'Ol Dad was either one of the world's most misunderstood men or there were some pretty valid reasons why we kept moving to different places around said world. Although being "run out of town on a rail" never quite actually happened.

Tried to teach her rules for life, which basically came down to the lyrics of the song "We'll Sing in the Sunshine" by Gale Garnett. And let the guys pay for everything. That, plus keep socking cash into a Swiss bank account.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZeRVUUxV_k

My grand daughter is an out-of-the-closet lesbian, something I learned when she showed up for a visit with her significant other in tow. Apparently "Tomi" wasn't an email typo. Well, I appreciated the eye-candy and told them bikini tops were optional while aboard.

Pause: Now imagine if you will the kind of chilling stare that only a teenager can produce..... then put two of them side-by-side. Heck, and I never even MENTIONED let alone joked about nationality, race, colour, religion, ethnic origins or any of all that PC type stuff. Or sex. Or three-somes. Sheesh..... I'm really kind of a cool gramps, right? Right?

Said granddaughter then laid down "the rules". Turned to my wife for support, as it was OUR boat, gosh-nab-it, and realized that it was three against one and no Coast Guard on the horizon. Beer cooler was still mine though as the kids were short of 21. Ha! Take THAT, you college brats!

Note: Ever tried to get between a couple of collage kids and a beer cooler? Not a pretty sight. And I must have tripped on a loose line or something 'cause otherwise they wouldn't of beaten me to the aft deck. No way, Jose! <sigh>

So I did what any reasonable adult male would do - went down to the pub. Got to talking with George (Who in the last episode had recently separated from Georgina.... Try to keep up, okay?) and George, he says
"How many screws are there in a lesbian's coffin?
None, Its all tongue and groove!"

So it was gonna be that kind of session.....

Then he says: "The other day a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently HD was the wrong answer."

And this: "A woman got lost in the desert. She stumbled across a lamp, rubbed it, and out came a genie. The genie offered her the traditional three wishes. Her first wish was to be powerful, intelligent, and loved by all. The genie thought a moment, snapped his fingers, and turned her into a lesbian."

(Thinking that's an Ellen DeGeneres reference. Don't know.... But made a note of it, hoping my granddaughter wouldn't kill me for repeating it. Was right - actually got a hug! But that was later....)

And George, boy he did go on. Course, he changed topics after Bridgette slapped him aside the head. Tell you about her another time, 'cepting to say that when George said: "How can you tell if a lesbian is butch? She kick starts her vibrator." well, that seemed a bit too much. Being a family friendly type bar, you know?

Well, just thought I'd post and keep in contact. And guess I needn't worry about the family reading or being upset by any of my contributions to this thread. Mayhaps a moderator or two, but that's besides things.

p.s. For the record: Make no mistake - I love my granddaughter. Her life is hers and my function is to support her through the trials and tribulations of life and help her when/if she inadvertently tacks into a gale. And Tomi is really a great kid. I wish them happiness and success.

Food for thought: Experimental research suggests that when people experience positive emotions—including mirth—they demonstrate more creative problem solving and more efficient thinking, planning, and judgment. So this whole thread is a small effort to help everybody better navigate the shoals of life. Or that's one excuse......

[Mirage35]

svmariane

Presumably based on a true story ... but I don't care which parts are true and which aren't, love the story in any case.

And thanks for the hippy-dippy song to remind old farts like us that we had a hippy-dippy past, too.

[tkeithlu]

Note: Ever tried to get between a couple of collage kids and a beer cooler?

I've done that. But, then, I had a badge, gun, sobriety, and citation book on my side of the confrontations. Actually, they had enough sense to be pretty polite about it. One tried to argue to the Dean that she wasn't all that drunk at the sorority pledge party, and he asked "Was that before or after you threw up on Dr. Keith-Lucas's foot?"

[Charlie]

I believe this is the first time in history that a black family has moved out of public housing so a Billionaire can move in.