The New Joke Thread

[Mirage35]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Nah Jim....im sure we can make a joke out of this

We have to work on this. Three yotties went into a bar, yadda yadda, leading to mechanico's punch line.

Drag on the pocketbook ...

This is what a community is all about - you all work on it, I'm going to bed.

[meatservo]

Noit Noit!





meatservo

[D&D]

Cockpit Conversation

A plane leaves JFK airport under the control of a Jewish Captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.

Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish Captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese..."

"No rike Chinese?" asks the co-pilot, "Why not?"

"You people bombed Pearl Harbour, that's why."

"No, no", the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah. That Japanese, not Chinese."

"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese. Doesn't matter, you're all goddam alike."

There's a few minutes of silence ...

"I no rike Jews", the co-pilot suddenly announces.

"Oh yeah, why not?" asks the captain.

"Jews sink Titanic," says the co-pilot.

"What? That's insane. Jews didn't sink the Titanic," exclaims the captain, "It was an iceberg."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg , no mattah ... all fr*#king same."

[delmarrey]

This is soreal.......


Men Teaching Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By July 4, 2017

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase-- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

[0urh]

Words of Wisdom in short doses...

Behind every angry woman, stands a Man
who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

Been there done that.
Then, been there several more times,
because, apparently I never learn!

Every time you talk to your wife,
your mind should remember that this...
'Conversation will be recorded for training
and quality purposes'.

Some things are just better left unsaid.
And I usually realize it, right after I say them.

Life is short.
Smile, while you still have teeth.

Don't try to understand women,
women understand women,
and they hate each other.

Arguing with a woman is like
reading the Software License agreement.
In the end you have to ignore everything,
and click "I agree".

Never make a woman mad.
They can remember stuff that
hasn't even happened yet.

Remember, women always
have the last word in an argument.
Anything a man adds after that
is the beginning of a new argument.

"Be decisive. Right or wrong,
make a decision. The road of life
is paved with flat animals that
couldn't make a decision.

If a woman says"First of all,"
during an argument, run away
because, she has prepared
research, data, charts,
and will destroy you.

A wise man once said nothing.

[goat]

No, that's not how I got the nickname.

[Dreaming Yachtsman]

Saw this on Facebook today:
With President Donald Trump and Vice-President Mike Pence in power in the U.S.A.; Walt Disney could never have imagined in his wildest dreams that Donald and Mickey would be running America!

[danielamartindm]

How does Hillary Clinton know when Bill has been out with other women?

He comes home smelling of pepper spray.

[svmariane]

The British Guardian newspaper reports on a rumor that Trump will appoint Sarah Palin as ambassador to Canada. Is this part of a Trump secret plan to build a Northern wall, and have Canada pay for it?

[svmariane]

#MeanwhileInCyberspace....

A new company has developed, “Modobag,” which they say is the world’s first rideable motorized luggage And you think travelers rushing through the airports while looking at their phones are a menace now?

[D&D]

[delmarrey]

Shoe shine? Anyone?

[delmarrey]

The first time a black family was evicted so a billionaire could move in!

[Ryan H]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

The first time a black family was evicted so a billionaire could move in!

Bah, that happens all the time in South Boston and Jamaica Plain ...

[Charlie]

First time a black famuily was moved out of public housing so a white billionaire could move in.

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