The New Joke Thread

[svmariane]

How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because the right size bulb isn’t on board, the local marine-supply store doesn’t carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.

(Insert drummer's Rim Shot for HopCar.)


Feel free to upgrade that oldie for LEDs and internet shopping.




By the way... just asking, but after the last few pages on this thread

[svmariane]

Its all a matter of perspective....

[svmariane]

Did you ever notice that only the person who isn't rowing
has time to rock the boat? More jokes, folks!


I KNOW its early but I wanted to get the first Xmas joke in this year.
Call it misguided priorities. So (ahem)


ATTENTION ! PLEASE NOTE:

Christmas is CANCELLED!

Apparently YOU told Santa that you have been good this year
and he died laughing.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

I think it was Plato who voiced the philosophy that:
Drama shows the very Best of Humanity
While,
Comedy shows the very worst.

While there are various levels of comedy that truly make you laugh thru subtle guile and twists of plot, .....those that depend on racial and national slurs, reflect more on the intelligence of the Teller, than the subject matter.

Good comedy should be a gift, not an excuse to burden us with prejudices.

Most humor/comedy is based on human error or tragedy, which should be sad, not funny. People laugh out of confusion in most cases.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

Most humor/comedy is based on human error or tragedy, which should be sad, not funny. People laugh out of confusion in most cases.

There are various Forms of humor, with the highest being considered as 'Wit' and ironically the lowest are Puns, which is a different kind of wordplay.

Physical and slapstick comedy is an art form that is a purely visual entertainment of choreographed performances.
Easy to judge.

I think it is more accurate to say that for socially critical comedy (Blonds, Blacks, Jews, etc...) most people laugh out.of nervousness, rather than confusion.

This unfortunately is what gives the politically correct the motivation to criticise.

Whenever I hear a joke about a given type (Blonds, Blacks, Jews, etc...)walking into a bar or something, I automatically substitute 'social minority' for type used and judge the comedy based on that.

If I still laugh, I don't appreciate the PC police telling me...
Its not funny!

[goat]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

There are various Forms of humor, with the highest being considered as 'Wit' and ironically the lowest are Puns, which is a different kind of wordplay.

Physical and slapstick comedy is an art form that is a purely visual entertainment of choreographed performances.
Easy to judge.

I think it is more accurate to say that for socially critical comedy (Blonds, Blacks, Jews, etc...) most people laugh out.of nervousness, rather than confusion.

This unfortunately is what gives the politically correct the motivation to criticise.

Whenever I hear a joke about a given type (Blonds, Blacks, Jews, etc...)walking into a bar or something, I automatically substitute 'social minority' for type used and judge the comedy based on that.

If I still laugh, I don't appreciate the PC police telling me...
Its not funny!

Car manufactures had to move the headlight dimmer from the steering column back to the floor because too many social minorities were causing accidents when they got their foot caught in the steering wheel.

Ok I think I've got the P.C. stuff now.

goat

[Eigenvector]

Wont offend anyone except the guy that owns the drone.


Toilet Paper Anti Drone Defense.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by goat

Car manufactures had to move the headlight dimmer from the steering column back to the floor because too many social minorities were causing accidents when they got their foot caught in the steering wheel.

Ok I think I've got the P.C. stuff now.

goat

Lol....best one yet![emoji2]
.... I just love dim witted jokes [emoji4]

[LakeSuperior]

I fondly remember our childhood when Dad used to roll us down the hill in a tire.


Those were the Good Years.

[LakeSuperior]

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat.

Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow."

The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner beer.

The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man."

Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the hell, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!"

Bartender says "Don't worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary."

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

Wont offend anyone except the guy that owns the drone. Toilet Paper Anti Drone Defense.

Linky no worky.

[Eigenvector]

One the news today the Sheriff reported that a 18 wheeler shipment of Viagra was hijacked. He asked everyone to be on the lookout for these hardened criminals.

<insert rim shot here>

[StuM]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Linky no worky.

Probably you have Flashplayer disabled in your browser - a wise decision given how buggy and security flawed Flash isn (and the default with most modern browsers).


Personally I didn't try to open it as soon as I saw it was a flash animation.

[senormechanico]

I did, it played for me.

[D&D]

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?

He said, " Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."