The New Joke Thread

[StuM]

One for the older members

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45qYXVs64pY

(How do you embed a youtube clip in a post? )

[john61ct]

You just did.

https://i0.wp.com/media.boingboing.n...eenshot-29.jpg

[StuM]

Originally Posted by john61ct

You just did.

https://i0.wp.com/media.boingboing.n...eenshot-29.jpg

No i didn't. Weavis embedded that for me(thanks, Weavis). But it's not the right clip


Turns out the mistake was right clicking on the video and selecting "Copy Video URL" and pasting that. I needed to copy the actual browser URL which includes ".../watch?v=...."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLpE1Pa8vvI

[GILow]

Originally Posted by StuM

But it's not the right clip

Well, that's a relief. I thought my sense-of-humour had died.. Although one of the kitchens made me laugh.

[JPA Cate]

@Stu M:

You did it! OMG! Thanks

Ann

[Bill_Giles]

Not really boating related but I found it funny. Son and dad go to swimming pool and when they returned mother asks how it went. Dad says "we can never go again, we have been banned. Sonny boy peed in the pool." Ma says "That is not so bad, lots of people do it." Pa says "Sure they do but not from the top diving board."

[El Pinguino]

Before they invented the selfie stick there was the tour guide.....

[El Pinguino]

The Chief...

[svmariane]

{For the vision impaired... }

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name sailor?"

"John," the new seaman replied.

"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don't call anyone by his first name," the chief scowled.

"It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever.

And you are to refer to me as 'Chief.’ Do I make myself clear?"

"Aye, Aye, Chief!"

"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"

The seaman sighed. "Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief."

"Okay, John, here's what I want you to do ...."

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by StuM

O.M.G. that is GOLD!!

My 24-yr-old lives at home, drives a $50K car he can't really afford, and spends his entire salary partying.

Not sure he's going to be a millionaire by thirty......

Millenials..... gotta love 'em.

[dfelsent]

Freakin awesome!!!
But my parents despaired of us.
And theirs of them.
And there are quotes from the ancient Greeks complaining about the next generation.
But still really funny.

[danielamartindm]

Saint Peter was in a foul mood one morning. As he approached the Pearly Gates, he saw a line of three couples waiting to be admitted.

The first couple stepped up, and the man said "My name is Morris Goldberg, and this is my wife, Penny."

St. Peter scowled and replied "You Jews love money so much, you even name your women after it. Come back another day."

The second couple then approached, and the man said "My name is Michael O'Donnell, and this is my wife, Brandy.

St. Peter scowled and replied "You Irish love liquor so much, you even name your women after it. Come back another day.

The last couple, who were Greek, looked at each and the man said "Well, Fanny, I guess there's no point in taking this any further."

[El Pinguino]

Originally Posted by svmariane

{For the vision impaired... }

If your vision is that dodgy that you need to enlarge the text just press the big red button.....

What?

You can't see the big red button??

Oh dear...

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

If your vision is that dodgy that you need to enlarge the text just press the big red button.....

What? You can't see the big red button?? Oh dear...

That Big Red Button on my EPIRB? Yeah, I see it. Okay. I'll push it but not sure how it will help.


<pun intended>

[billknny]

In the interests of public service, I have developed the following translation for the official National Weather Service wind strength forecasts.

35 to 45 knots: Can we stay home today, Please?

25 to 35 knots: Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride

15 to 25 knots: A beautiful day for sailing, and there won’t be any of those pesky fishing boats in our way.

10 to 20 knots: Perfect for lessons!

5 to 15 knots: Could be fun, could be frustrating, and the weather guy gets to be right either way.

10 knots: A special wind forecast. No other forecast gets a single number. You think this means the forecast is for between 9 and 11 knots. Wrong! It means somewhere out there today, at sometime, the wind will peak at ten knots. The rest of the day you’ll struggle to get your boat moving.

Less than 10 knots: See above…

Variable: They don’t know, and don’t feel like guessing today, but it will likely vary between too little and none.

Calm: Gentlemen, start your engines!