The New Joke Thread

[Dave_S]

Originally Posted by Adelie

I just learned something unexpected. 2 Cs is a legitimate spelling.

That's awkward

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by Dave_S

That's awkward

Why would that be awkward? I make mistakes then learn new things all the time. Or are you one of those folks that never makes mistakes?

[heron237]

Originally Posted by IslandHopper

you forgot to put anything in the container.....ha haaaaa

[Dave_S]

Originally Posted by Adelie

Why would that be awkward? I make mistakes then learn new things all the time. Or are you one of those folks that never makes mistakes?

Sorry Adelie, I got my posts mixed up.

[LakeSuperior]

“Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

Waitress: [slaps me a good one across the face] ...“The men I please are none of your business!”

[LakeSuperior]

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

[LakeSuperior]

Why can't millennials take a joke?

Because the jokes always hit a little too close to their parent's house.

[chris mac]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

You made my wife's day with this one. Which makes my day better as well;-)
Thanks

[GordMay]

23rd Psalm to an Engineer's Love:
Verily, I say unto ye, marry not an engineer.
For an' engineer is a strange being and possessed of many evils.
Lea, he speaketh eternally in parables, which he calleth formulae,
And he wieldeth a big stick he calleth a slide rule.
And he hath only one bible, a hand book.
He thinketh only of stresses and strains, and without end of thermodynamics.
He knoweth not a waterfall except by its horsepower, nor a sunset except that he must turn on the lights, nor a damsel except by her live weight.
Verily, though she expecteth chocolates when he calleth, she openeth the package to disclose samples of iron ore.
Yea, he holdeth her hands only to know the friction thereof.
And he kisseth her only to test the viscosity of her lips.
When his damsel writeth of love and signeth with crosses, he taketh these symbols not for kisses, but rather for unknown quantities.
Even as a boy he pulleth a girl's hair but to test the elasticity.
But as a man he discovereth different devices; for he counteth the vibrations of her heartstrings;
And his marriage is a simultaneous equations involving two unknowns and yielding diverse results.
Verily I say unto ye, marry not an engineer.

[Eigenvector]

Extreme Craftsmanship

[Eigenvector]

a few more examples

[JPA Cate]

Tee hee!

The curtain of confidentiality will now be dropped over the scene wherein the maiden truly understood what she had done, so as not to offend the sensibilities of anyone now here present!

[GordMay]

WOW - gotta admire the ingenuity of Eigenvector’s “Extreme Craftsmen”, even while shuddering at the likely consequences.

Did I have a date for Valentine’s day?
Yes.
February 14.

[LakeSuperior]

Three statisticians go deer hunting. After some time passes, they come upon a buck.

The first shoots at it and misses by 30 yards to the right.

The second takes a shot and misses by 30 yards to the left.

The third jumps up and yells, “We got him! We got him!“

[Saleen411]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

Three statisticians go deer hunting. After some time passes, they come upon a buck.

The first shoots at it and misses by 30 yards to the right.

The second takes a shot and misses by 30 yards to the left.

The third jumps up and yells, “We got him! We got him!“

A man was deer hunting with his wife. After awhile the man hears a gunshot and rushes over to see what it was all about. He was wondering if the gunshot came from his wife, who is not an experienced deer hunter.

The man rushes thru the woods and comes upon his wife who is pointing her rifle at a guy who is holding his hands up. The hunter asks his wife what the hell is going on?

She says "This man is trying to claim my kill. I shot it and this deer is MINE!!"

The guy with his hands up says "Look, Lady... I don't want any trouble. YOU shot it and you killed it. This is YOUR deer! "..... Just let me get my saddle and I'll be on my way"