The New Joke Thread

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal.

Elongate would be really drawn out.

Too late he keeps opening his mouth about his company.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal.

Elongate would be really drawn out.

Yes, there us an odor about Mr Musk, that I cannot quite put my finger on it, that seems to draw everybody in[emoji6]

[Eigenvector]

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange, so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid...

Husband: Well, you don't remember, do you??? When we were leaving the hospital, you noticed that our baby had pooped, then you said: "Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here.” So I went inside, got a clean one, and left the dirty one there.”

Moral: Never give an Irish man a job for which he is not qualified.

[Eigenvector]

Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.

Cop says "For God's sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"

[Eigenvector]

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky ... because his own wife makes him walk.

[Eigenvector]

Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, 'Is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantel piece?'

'No,' said himself, 'but I'm gettin' closer all the time.'

[Eigenvector]

Finnegan:My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her out of it.

Keenan: What on earth is she doin' up at that hour?

Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.

[Eigenvector]

Kelly phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. 'Quick!' he said.

'Send an ambulance, me wife is goin' to have a baby!'

'Tell me, is this her first baby?' the intern asked.

'No, this is her husband, Kevin.

[LakeSuperior]

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."

She sort of forgets where she is, and even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot.

She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

[LakeSuperior]

Australian Olympic hurdler sees another athlete at the track carrying a long stick and asks him, 'are you a pole vaulter?'

He replies (in an accent) 'No, actually I'm from Germany and how did you know my name was Walter?'

[LakeSuperior]

Mr. Johnson our math teacher never makes us do any work, so all 25 of us are each pitching in $6.17 to get him that cool new $80,000 Corvette he wants.

Thanks again Mr. Johnson!

[Eigenvector]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhTxigsWo5E

[GordMay]

[StuM]

[piloto]

Originally Posted by Gadagirl

Apparently this is not a new video, although it was new to me. I found it hilarious and wanted to share I see a little bit of all of us in it

that was beautiful.