The New Joke Thread

[Buzzman]

LOL. At least she didn't kill her old man with it.....????

No way would I allow an armed woman anywhere near me. *Especially* if I was married to her!!!

Imagine if you forgot to say please one night...could be the death of you!

[Tongue very firmly in cheek]
PS: We need an emoji for that /\ /\

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Ok Dad....
1 The Pizza Crusted Edge is made Round so that all the juices stay inside and don't congregate in square corners

2 The Box is made square for optimum storage, efficient transport for Delivery and the square lid easily interlocks giving you just enough finger space to wiggle out that first wedge.

3 Cutting in Triangles with a roller knife is the easiest way to dissect 8 or 10 pieces of similar size.....when Gorging....starting with the pointed part of the wedge and stuffing into your mouth so that you can delicately clean off your lips with the drier crust is breakfast heaven after an all night party.

Unfortunately, I still don't understand women, but I do appreciate their differences [emoji7]

Square pizza, cut in squares, from Little Caesar's.

[socaldmax]

It's complicated...

[GILow]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

PS: We need an emoji for that /\ /\

And for irony. I’m crippled without it.

[Eigenvector]

A few good ones

[Eigenvector]

My 2 favorites in this round

[Eigenvector]

I bet you read this at least 5 times!

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Square pizza, cut in squares, from Little Caesar's.

Looks pretty artificial to.me

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl...ce=sh%2Fx%2Fim

[GILow]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Looks pretty artificial to.me

It looked HIDEOUS to me.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by GILow

It looked HIDEOUS to me.

You no likey thick greasy bread?

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

I bet you read this at least 5 times!

Nope, only 3 times so both statements were true.

[GILow]

Originally Posted by a64pilot

You no likey thick greasy bread?

Well... when you put it THAT way...

[svmariane]

Heard about the new James Bond film? How this time around 007 will be portrayed by a black woman? Times are changing, so I thought to recall a few items before they're discarded in the dustbin of history.

<edit: about to become herstory, I guess>


Lines cut from various 007 films:


Miss Moneypenny... "Mi6? No, you're a lot older than that, Mr. Bond."

M... "Yes, Bond, you will get a Licence to Kill, but, until then, here is your learner's permit."
007... "Wait, so I can't kill without a licenced adult in attendance?"

Dr. No... "No, Mr. Bond. Perhaps you were discovered because you had your LEARNERS CARD IN THE WINDOW!"

Goldfinger... "Martini shaken not stirred? That just dilutes the booze with icy water making for a weaker drink, you namby-pamby!"

Kara Milovy... "Sorry James, I like you but not in that way. Friends?"

007... "One martini, shaken not stirred… and four Jaegar bombs."

Q... "And finally, 007, here is a a wristwatch with a built in laser. Be careful where you point that, will you? Sorry but that's the lot - this is the eight items or less queue. Get it? Q... queue? No? God, you're no fun anymore."

<alternet line, also cut> Q... "Im the 8 items or less Q!"



And already cut from the new screenplay:

EU Immigration checkpoint: "Sorry Mr Bond but due to Brexit we can't let you enter unless you tell us what your plans are on an official form."

"My name is now Pussy Nomore. I had sex reassignment surgery."
<Apparently this entire scene was deleted for reasons unknown. Perhaps it was too long. The film, the film was too long! Get your mind out of the gutter.>

M... "Sorry James. It looks like I'm going to have to remove your license to kill. In your separation packet you'll find application forms for a license to kvetch and also a license to gaslight."

Bond, James Bond... (closing scene at a pub, fadeaway) "A pint of lager and a bag of cheese and onion crisps, please."

[JPA Cate]

If you live on a boat, you can use cookie sheets for pizza pans. Two less things to carry around. So, we've had rectangular pizzas, and no one has ever refused a bite. If it tastes great, the shape is merely non-traditional. But I did "grow up" on pie shaped pizza and slices.

A

[GILow]

In fairness, it wasn’t the SHAPE that was concerning me.