The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

My wife said the same thing...

[socaldmax]

Says every married man on the planet...

[socaldmax]

Well, that explains how he got there...

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[GILow]

Originally Posted by AnglaisInHull

Where I lived many years ago there was a church with a big sign out front: "Jesus Saves." And across the street was a grocery store with their national slogan: "Loblaws saves you more."

Was that before or after the lightning strike burned it to the ground?

[socaldmax]

[svmariane]

Some people are so clumsy they'd get tangled up in a cordless phone.

A man walks into a bar and asks ‘What’s the quickest way to the train station?’
"Are you walking or do you have a car?" asks the bartender.
"I have a car" replied the man.
Aaah good – because that’s the quickest way" said the bar tender.

[svmariane]

Sometimes, over a few bears down at the pub, folk engage in political discussion. We've got your Conservatives, Laborites, Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Socialists, Independants, Communists, Anarchists and NWO types. When asked about my poltican affiliation I tend to replay that I'm leaning towards becoming a Publican.

Why? Because then, unlike other "politicians":

I serve a purpose.

I'm being useful to all my constituents.

My daily actions actually conform to my beliefs.

People need to pay me to give them what they want, but everyone pays the same price and the prices are posted on the wall.

"Last Call" isn't a reference to a hooker.


Vote for me in the next election.

[CatNewBee]

Relativity theory....

If i stick a finger in your eye, than we both have a finger in the eye, but I am relatively better off...

[johnny AoB]

Speaking of relativity, my father's theory of relativity was "The more money you have the more relatives".

[johnny AoB]

My father was also very wise and often told my brother and I not to beat our chest in pride because it falls. Unfortunately, we did not listen and now we are a couple of old guys with pot bellies. Kids never listen to grownups.

[Buzzman]

So does this mean oil tankers are fully laden in both directions - outbound and inbound?

[Buzzman]

Always wanted to be a graffitist....