The New Joke Thread

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I would have guessed NSA...

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[Connemara]

An Irish Tragedy:

We open on an an Irish lane. Ten-year-old Jimmy O'Reilly is sitting at the side, weeping copiously.

A neighbour passing by sees the boy's misery and asks, " Jimmy, what's the matter?"

Jimmy looks up with a tear-streaked face. "Me father's been killed in a car accident."

"That's terrible. I'm so sorry. Can I help you home to your mother?" replies the neighbour.

"Ah, that's the tragedy of it all," says Jimmy. "She was with him in the car. They're both dead."

Nonplused, the neighbour thinks a moment. "Well, I can take you over to your sister Mary's house. How about that?"

"Ah no, sorr, you're very kind, but Mary died of the TB a month ago,"*Jimmy says, with a fresh burst of tears.

"Well, your brother, John, Surely he can come and take you," the neighbour tries, but again he's greeted with tears.

"Sorr, did ye no' hear about the massive storm that sank the fishing fleet last week? John was following the shoals of herring and has not come back."

At his wit's end, the neighbour finally says "Well, this is a fine kettle of fish and no mistake. But you can't sit here all day. Shall I fetch Father O'Malley?"

Jimmy looks up sadly. "Sorr, you're being very kind but at a time like this, the last thing on my mind is sex."


Let's see. That's the Irish and the Catholics offended. I'll try to fit the rest of you in later.

Connemara

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[svmariane]

Majority of men admit that their ultimate sexual fantasy is having two women at one time. Me too. Talked about it with my wife - and she agreed! Then she got all hissy when I said that she wouldn't be one of them.

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Majority of men admit that their ultimate sexual fantasy is having two women at one time. Me too. Talked about it with my wife - and she agreed! Then she got all hissy when I said that she wouldn't be one of them.

That joke is just plain wrong. On so many levels!

1) Stereo-typical assumptions. For example: The wife agreed with having two women in bed - maybe two other women and excluding the husband.

2) Derogatory-sexism: Using the term "got all hissy" is male-code for otherwise inexplicable female reactions, in that while cats might have been considered as gods in ancient Egypt we live in more enlightened times. Sort of. While the Bible, the Quran and the Torah vie for supremacy, our boat cat sure acts like she's a goddess.

3) "Majority of men" presupposes an assumption: that in these days of zero-privacy of social media and major corporations vacumming up every little detail of everybody's life and sharing that info betwixt each other and selling that info to anybody who'll pay cash, that so many men, in such an environment, would voluntarily admit to such a desire merely supports the unsuportable theory that men are stupid. C'mon! Anecdotes aside, where's the proof that men.... Excuse me... Anybody remember if I filed my tax papers this year?

4) Addemdum to #3: What man in his right mind would admit - actually admit to his wife - that his ideal sexual threesome wouldn't include her? I mean c'mon... a joke is a joke but that stretches the bounds of believabilty!
Can you say d-i-v-o-r-c-e, or a-l-i-m-o-n-y?

5) That you're even reading this whole thing shows that you're willing to accept the premisis of the main statement - excepting that this whole thing is "a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline" - otherwise known as a joke.

Punchline to follow, as I see my wife is pulling on her boxing gloves.
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[Pelagic]

Ah! ......the simple pleasures of the Filipino female culture, where discretion far outweighs any judgements on whether a pleasurable arrangement between more than two people is wrong.

The women work hard to keep their men "relaxed".

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On that note...

[ben2go]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Majority of men admit that their ultimate sexual fantasy is having two women at one time. Me too. Talked about it with my wife - and she agreed! Then she got all hissy when I said that she wouldn't be one of them.

That was fun when I was young. Now it's just to much like work.

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Ah! ......the simple pleasures of the Filipino female culture, where discretion far outweighs any judgements on whether a pleasurable arrangement between more than two people is wrong.

The women work hard to keep their men "relaxed".

Or so I've heard. May be the next stop on my list.

Originally Posted by socaldmax

On that note...

That's gross unless it's one you're own.








I was in and argument with my lady while driving. I demanded her to tell me I'm right. After a few minutes she yelled," Your right! Now turn around."

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by Connemara

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Let's see. That's the Irish and the Catholics offended. I'll try to fit the rest of you in later.

Connemara

Ooh! Ooh! Can anybody play? Please !?!?!?

CULTURE:

In America only the successful author is important,
in France all writers are important,
in England no writer is important,
in Australia you have to explain what a writer is ....



Preview of next week's "TED talk":

In Asia (China, Japan, elsewhere) they appreciate calligraphy as an art form; it's literally translated as "beautiful writing". I got that from the internet so it must be true. So an original sonnet by Shakespeare written in that tedious longhand English takes second place to a bordello-inspired lymric elegently written using Chinese calligraphy.