The New Joke Thread

[GordMay]

The art of politics.

[GordMay]

[svmariane]

My wife left me a note saying I should try out for "American Idle."

But the joke is on her because she spelled it wro--- hey, wait a minute!





Yes, that's a repost. No, I don't care. I'm just trying to fill the void while me, socaldmax and a few others come up with new material. Meanwhile, I'd bet that everone would appreciate it if some of you looky-loos would offer a few contributions to the thread! C'mon! What could go wrong?

[svmariane]

Go wrong?

[svmariane]

Go wrong 2

[svmariane]

What could possibly go wrong? 3

[svmariane]

Go wrong 4

[svmariane]

Go wrong 5

[svmariane]

Go wrong 6

[svmariane]

Go wrong 7

[svmariane]

Go wrong 7.5

[svmariane]

Dear Murphy's Law:

When I asked if my day could get any worse it was a rhetorical question... NOT a challenge!

Sincerely, Karen

[dfelsent]

A scientist doing research on dolphins discovered that if he fed them a certain type of sea gull, they did not age at all. He kept his secret (and the dolphins) for many years, collecting all the sea gulls he could find while the dolphins continued to live forever, unchanged.

One day he went to the beach looking for more sea gulls, but there were none to be found. He had captured them all. So he went to the zoo, where he had heard that they kept a few specimens. He found their cage, snatched several chicks from their nest, and tried to beat a hasty exit from the zoo. On the way out, he snuck through the lion enclosure. Tiptoeing gingerly over a sleeping lion towards the door and freedom, he was immediately arrested and thrown in prison. The charge?

Wait for it......

Transporting underage gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

[svmariane]

One time my wife and I went on a ski trip. And, yeah, I got hit in the head with a ski lift chair. Knocked unconcious; blood everywhere. Snow patrol took me down the slope, then ambulance to hospital. Humiliating, okay?

So I survived (You're reading this, no?) and I filed a claim with my insurance company. The adjuster laughed and said "Got hit in the head with a moving skilift chair? Boy, you must be some kind of stupid" - and then denied the claim! I wanted to know why! Shouted out that it was an accident!

He said "I told you why: you're stupid. Must have been like that all your life, and we don't cover pre-existing conditions."

[svmariane]

Got 39 mins for some comedy? No profanity, non-racist, non-sexist, non-xenophobic, non-political, non-technophobic comedy?

Edit: The ski lift accident I posted above was (ahem) borrowed from this clip.

Anyway, here you go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqjhCC4sP4Q