The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Dave_S

Geeze your harsh, you meant to throw the boxes in the fire.

I hadn't thought of that...

[Buzzman]

In Oz, we don't have to throw anything in the fire ... we just wait ...

... and eventually, the fire comes to us.

It's those pesky firefighters trying to stop the fire that DO get in the way...

[socaldmax]

Some deep wisdom from a funny movie...

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[GordMay]

https://www.facebook.com/snl/videos/2614975025247578/

[ben2go]

Only the experienced.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by ben2go

Only the experienced.

Newtons 3rd law

[LakeSuperior]

Man organic chemistry is so difficult.

I get into alkynes of trouble.

[LakeSuperior]

My old salty sailor grandfather is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.

He drinks right out of the bottle.

[LakeSuperior]

I just caught my husband asking somebody for dating advice...

He's just not sure that radiocarbon is the most reliable method.

[double u]

...guys, the morning here in Tahiti is good - youall with your jokes just made it absolutely TOPPPS!!! Big thx

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

I just caught my husband asking somebody for dating advice...

He's just not sure that radiocarbon is the most reliable method.

That's one way of saying his wife is old!

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by ben2go

Only the experienced.

That bed frame wall bracket? Obviously it's designed to prevent the maid from shifting the bed out of position when she's conducting her daily routine. With the husband, while the wife is out.
***

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
***

Overheard at an auction sale: “Sold to the lady with her husband’s hand over her mouth.”
***

Wife: “I’ve changed my mind.”
Husband: “Thank heavens! Does it work any better now?”
***

The average husband can’t afford to win an argument from his wife. It costs more to get her to stop crying than what she wanted in the first place.
***

A woman in the passenger seat of a car was haranguing her husband who sat behind the wheel. “And furthermore, Henry,” she finished, “when we are driving, it is not necessary to preface every remark you make with ‘Pilot to Navigator.’”
***

At a large publicity cocktail party, a pretty little blond waitress went around with a tray of cocktails. Late in the evening, a woman asked the host, “pardon me, but have you seen the girl with the martinis?”

“I’m so sorry,” replied the host. “Do you want a drink?”

“No,” said the woman. “I want my husband.”
***

How’d you come out with that fight with your wife?”

“She came crawling to me on her hands and knees.”

“Yeah? What did she say?”

“Come out from under the bed, you coward!”
***

Husband: “I’ve taken you safely over all the rough spots of life, haven’t I?”

Wife: “Yes, I don’t think you missed any of them.”
***