The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

[delmarrey]

I’m surprised that all the bark is still there....


.

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

A couple of really fat ones on a boat.

https://www.facebook.com/ryan.mccord...6770877964141/

[LakeSuperior]

Ten chimpanzees are standing in a line.

The 1st, 3rd, 5th, and 7th chimps are asked to step forward.

They are the prime apes.

[LakeSuperior]

My favorite strip club went out of business.

The sign on the door says "Sorry, we are clothed".

[LakeSuperior]

And to bookend the days submissions...


All of my girlfriends can be considered numbers.

You mean like sixes, eights and tens?

No. Imaginary, irrational or both.

[socaldmax]

I've always wondered about this. Dolly Parton explains what really happened.

https://www.facebook.com/cassie.brow...3993599187406/

[svmariane]

Lud·dite
/ˈlədˌīt/
noun
1.
DEROGATORY A person opposed to new technology or ways of working.

Guess I'm a luddite, as I refuse to join facebook.


Gleaned these bits from cyberspace:


Preacher at a wedding: "I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may update you facebook status."

I'm not great at advice, so may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

The older I get, the more everyone can kiss my a**.

Mom always told me that if I can't say anything nice to say nothing at all.
Some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them.

We removed one of your posts because it's true and makes some people look like idiots, in violation of Facebook Community Standards.

We don't Skinny Dip - we Chunky Dunk.

Dear Algebra: Stop asking us to find your X... She's not coming back.

If only mosquitos sucked fat instead of blood.

Sometimes I shock myself with the smart things I say and do. Then there are times when I try to get out of the auto with the seatbelt on.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.

[socaldmax]

Here's the Youtube version for Luddites. FF to 6:15 for the good part.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_lhwfwosto

[svmariane]

Thanks!

Edit after viewing the clip:

Now THAT brought me to outright laughter! Thanks!

[GordMay]

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Lud·dite
/ˈlədˌīt/
noun
1.
DEROGATORY A person opposed to new technology or ways of working.

Guess I'm a luddite, as I refuse to join facebook.

I refuse to go on Facebook. It’s just another way to control people. Group think!

.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

I refuse to go on Facebook. It’s just another way to control people. Group think!

.

If I went on FB in search of truth, wisdom and political insight, not only would your statement be true, but I would be a fool for seeking that on FB.

I use it to keep in touch with friends, keep track of all of their birthdays and find new jokes. For example, we have a FB page dedicated to all of my shipmates on my first sub. One of them decided to celebrate a 30 yr reunion by hosting a huge crab feast at his house in MD. It was easy for him to communicate with all of us via FB and we had a great weekend there.

There are a lot of sailing groups on FB, some of them dedicated to a specific brand of yacht, everyone helping each other out with their shared problems.

[socaldmax]