The New Joke Thread

[GILow]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Just a wild guess. I'm sure the golf clubs didn't help either.

That’s sure no way to treat a good #2 driver.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by GILow

That’s sure no way to treat a good #2 driver.

Agreed!

But I think we can all agree that women in that condition can be quite irrational.

From my own research I've discovered that trying to calm her down by saying, "Honey, please stop acting crazy!" doesn't help, it seems to have the opposite effect.

[Buzzman]

Apparently alcohol helps.

But if you hold the funnel and pour it in, not so much.

Problem is: that's how much is required....

[GordMay]

[LakeSuperior]

Roses are red,

April is grey,

The next time you leave your house,

It’s gonna be May

[carlosproa]

[socaldmax]

[smbdyiam2]

My Daddy said "don't believe everything you hear and only half of what you read"
I took that to mean nothing that I hear on TV or radio. "fake news" and only half of what I read to mean no news papers, magazines, etc. SO the only thing I believe now is good novels like JAWS, Aliens, and Conspiracy theories like JFK.

[svmariane]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Apparently alcohol helps.

But if you hold the funnel and pour it in, not so much.

Problem is: that's how much is required....

This might be operator error based on a common misconception. See, you're not supposed to use the funnel for pouring alcohol into HER mouth.

[Eigenvector]

旧歌翻拍

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_UdTlNVCK8

[Mirage35]

Somebody mentioned service dogs a few posts back ...

[Buzzman]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Apparently, it was a pangolin, not a bat....

[D&D]

Our stocks crashed, we get <1.0% on any fixed deposits and our Superannuation is stuffed. Fires and floods. And now a virus pandemic. The down-turn is hitting everybody really hard! Things couldn’t be much worse judging by this:
1. In NY I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
2. Exxon-Mobil lays off 25 US Congressmen.
3. If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
4. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
5. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
6. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her
7. A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria.
8. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
9. The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally :
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by D&D

Our stocks crashed, we get <1.0% on any fixed deposits and our Superannuation is stuffed. Fires and floods. And now a virus pandemic. The down-turn is hitting everybody really hard! Things couldn’t be much worse judging by this:
1. In NY I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
2. Exxon-Mobil lays off 25 US Congressmen.
3. If the bank returns your cheque marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
4. McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
5. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
6. My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, so they re-possessed her
7. A truckload of Germans was caught sneaking into Syria.
8. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
9. The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally :
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., that I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Thinking about a part time job. Did they send info on filling resume? can you forward it?

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Apparently, it was a pangolin, not a bat....

Close, but no cigar. The current theory is the source was a bat version of coronavirus.

Not close enough
Three similar comparison studies were posted on bioRxiv last week. One of those papers — by an international research group , posted on 18 February — found2 that coronaviruses in frozen cell samples from illegally trafficked pangolins shared between 85.5% and 92.4% of their DNA with the virus found in humans.

Two other papers published on 20 February, from groups in China, also studied coronaviruses from smuggled pangolins. The viruses were 90.23%3 and 91.02%4 similar, respectively, to the virus that causes COVID-19.

The genetic similarity should be higher than reported in these studies before the host can be identified, says Arinjay Banerjee, who studies coronaviruses at McMaster University in Hamilton, Canada. He notes that the SARS virus shared 99.8% of its genome with a civet coronavirus, which is why civets were considered the source. If pangolins are the origin of the current outbreak, says Banerjee, it is not the pangolins in these studies.

Key differences
So far, the closest match to the human coronavirus has been found in a bat in China’s Yunnan province. A study5 published on 3 February found that the bat coronavirus shared 96% of its genetic material with the virus that causes COVID-19.

Also, the pangolin is not native to China, so the original country would have been the epicenter of the pandemic. Considering how contagious it is, it doesn't make sense that the smugglers didn't catch the virus, but somebody in the market in Wuhan did.


Let's just let the jokes be funny and not try to dissect them. Having to explain them, especially to correct someone, kinda detracts from the humor, doesn't it?