The New Joke Thread

[smbdyiam2]

some good news?
I called a neighbor to check on them. I had not seen them for a couple days. I asked if they had been sick or just self isolation.
he said " Oh no we are fine. We just don't like you"
Glad to hear they are okay.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by jeanathon

Two Pollocks rent a boat, and go out fishing for the day. They are having no luck at all until close to sunset when they find a spot where the fish are biting as fast as they can rebait their lines.
As the sun sets they reluctantly head back to the marina with their catch. As they are driving home one Pole exclaims, "Did you think to mark the spot where those fish were biting?"
The other replies, " Yeah I put a big X on the side of the boat."
His buddy replies, "You idiot! How do you know we will get the same boat next time?!"

I think the other funny part is a Pollock is a type of fish, a Polack is from Poland.

[GordMay]

People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed, and do nothing, I feel terrible"

People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go sailing in the bay, skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower, and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago"

[socaldmax]

[svmariane]

Got an email from my sister-in-law over in Bavaria. She says the whole COVID-19 thingy created havoc, especially the stay at home orders. Her biggest complaint is that she can't make her daily visits to see her daughter and the grandchildren.

In other family news, my niece in Bavaria emails that life is really peaceful lately. Without daily interuptions from visitors she's managed to redo the garden and got her spring planting done early. Her husband is remarkedly calm and the children have settled into the home-schooling routine. Her biggest worry is that the government might lift the stay at home orders.

In other Bavarian news, planning for the world's biggest beer party, AKA Oktoberfest, continues apace. The Mayor of Munich responded to questions about social distancing during the festival by saying: Gott im Himmel, bayerisches Bier ist die größte Medizin, die jemals hergestellt wurde!

{God in heaven, Bavarian beer is the greatest medicine ever created!}


Ever been to Oktoberfest? There's a subtle difference between the center tables where the well-connected join friends and the general public tables scattered along the beer-tent perimeter. Subtle.

[Montanan]

Haven't seen any Dumb Dad Jokes in a while, here comes a Covid-19 themed one.

[Montanan]

Who? And well you know how that is going to play out.

[chrisr]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

My wife made me a millionaire.

What were you before you married her?

A billionaire.

not really a joke, but i worked out a while ago how to make a small fortune in my business (shipping)

...start with a big one

cheers,

[Tom_F]

[Eigenvector]

This is the best joke of the month. However, I can't upload it without changing the extension to doc. Change it back to arm (audio file).


Or DON'T if you think it's a virus file or whatever.......either way don't complain.

[StuM]

Assuming that's AMR (Adaptive Multi-Rate Codec) not many people will be able to open that unless they are using a 3G phone. ( I am not aware of any audio file format that uses ARM exxtension)


"AMR (Adaptive Multi-Rate Codec File) is a compressed audio format used by 3G cell phones for voice recordings such as MMS (Multimedia Messaging Service) messages. AMR incorporates the Algebraic Code Excited Linear Prediction (ACELP) algorithm, which was created to optimize compression of human speech data. AMR was developed by Ericsson. Programs that open AMR files include Apple QuickTime Player, RealNetworks RealPlayer, Mobile AMR Converter and AMR Tool."

Added: Yep - examining the file, it is indeed AMR.

[Eigenvector]

StuM, got it on my phone and emailed it to my email. Plays on windows.

[Eigenvector]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

StuM, got it on my phone and emailed it to my email. Plays on windows.

So you get a text with the referenced file from a number you don't know......that's part of the joke.

[Montanan]

Covid-19 Home School - Curriculum Revision Notice.

[goguygo]

Originally Posted by svmariane

{God in heaven, Bavarian beer is the greatest medicine ever created!}

Ever been to Oktoberfest? There's a subtle difference between the center tables where the well-connected join friends and the general public tables scattered along the beer-tent perimeter. Subtle.

I must go back. The first time didn't end well- I made it thru the first night, but the next day I was posted up on that merry-go-round near the tents and my son ended up having to carry me back to the hotel. I think I can do better next time.


- Some people don't like the term Gentrification. But that's ok... they don't live here anymore.