The New Joke Thread

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

I really believe I can live with or with out oil.

How will you cook without olive oil? Or what about whiskey, which noted southern politician Noah S. "Soggy" Sweat called the oil of conversation?!

[Trevor Doble]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

isn't it fun to joke about oil rather than corona virus. I really believe I can live with or with out oil. I cannot say the same about the coronavirus. So more jokes on oil -----Please

As long as they're not crude.

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Lots of engineers out there. Many would jump at the chance to do something new/different/interesting/complex. Real emergencies are when we're not prepared to do "something like that" but we jump in and do it anyway.

The demand for oil tanked. The world is awash in already pumped oil. While things return to normality (or some level of such) the already pumped oil can be channeled through normal processes and there would be time for the engineers to figure out how to get restarted. Maybe this is naive, but it seems to me that an opened bottle of champagne that's recapped doesn't lose all of its fizz. Well-head pressure could be capped.

But this is an internet forum and what the hell do I know.

Don't you think that big oil would ask for government backing to hire more engineers. As in economy shut down from virus? oops probably already are. I'm sure it is more important than 1 million out of work. It could be a factor of Nat'l defense. Also take money from that wall that is used to keep the crop pickers from feeding the poor workers out of work.
Can we get back to jokes-----Oh big oil really is a joke Just most don't get it . and those that do don't laugh

[Tayana42]

Nothing but refined humor of CF.

[ArmyDaveNY]

Originally Posted by Tayana42

Nothing but refined humor of CF.

I wonder what's in the pipeline?

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by chrisr

not really a joke, but i worked out a while ago how to make a small fortune in my business (shipping)

...start with a big one

cheers,

Lots of variations on that one.

I first heard it from a friend who opened a boat building business. [emoji37]

Also a Belize variation: How do you make a million dollars in Belize? Arrive with 2 million!

[Lost Horizons]

Originally Posted by belizesailor

How do you make a million dollars in Belize? Arrive with 2 million!

So you end up with three? What’s wrong with that?

[socaldmax]

The joke is "How do you end up with..."

[GILow]

Originally Posted by Trevor Doble

Not wanting to be THAT person, but the largest ranch in Texas is King Ranch at 1,289 square miles.

Australia's largest, Anna Creek, is 9,140 square miles and the top 73 are all more than 1,540 square miles.

See, it's not only Texans who brag!

Saved me from doing it, but in fairness to the Texans, Australian farms can often only support about one goat per hundred acres, so the size comparisons aren’t all they seem to be.

[Buzzman]

And, of course, we know that NONE of them should be stocking hard-hoofed animals like sheep, goats and cattle, that destroy the vegetation and create erosion gullies that lead to topsoil loss and land degradation.

Kangaroos and camels is what we should be raising out there. Just catching them is a bugger....

[JPA Cate]

Once upon a time, an Australian cowboy was in a hotel in New York City. He asked the bell cap to get him a woman.

As she approached the door, she heard rather a lot of noise coming from the room. She tapped on the door, and the Aussie answered, and got back to what he was doing. He struggled with it, but he got the wardrobe out through the window, which broke in the process, and now he was wrestling the bed towards the window!

"Stop!" she cried, "Aren't we going to need that?!"

"Well, I don't know much about women, but if they're like kanagroos, we're gonna need all the room we can get!"

[Eigenvector]

Lbh tbg zr ba gung ba FghZ. V jnf whfg tbvat sebz zrzbel. Old school Rot13

[Eigenvector]

and from a favorite: Klaatu barada nikto

[Eigenvector]

You're in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look down...

[rbk]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

and from a favorite: Klaatu barada nikto

Groovy