The New Joke Thread

[BobHorn]

Heard a rumor that due to the problems caused by the corona virus and to give people a chance to recover the president will delay the start of the hurricane season.

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by BobHorn

Heard a rumor that due to the problems caused by the corona virus and to give people a chance to recover the president will delay the start of the hurricane season.

wow!! between mass media, social media, and fake news , This is not going to be good. Poseidon has many accounts on facebook. He is in charge of the seas and the weather. He has short temper. these are know facts . Google him. Or just ask him. he will let you know. watch where the wind blows now.

[carlosproa]

[darylat8750]

Originally Posted by ArmyDaveNY

Small? In today's wacky world I think we're supposed to use the phrase Volumetrically challenged!

I've changed them on a John Deere tractor that had a 7 inch bore and a 11 inch stroke. Everyone should know that your manliness is related to the number of pistons one has. My father and I agreed when adding ours up (because all of life is a competition) that the John Deere's cylinders counted for 2 of normal jugs and 10 model airplane engines. He beat me by one because he counted the pistons in his v twin air compressor. I cried foul but my brother sided with dad.

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by carlosproa

Attachment 214093

wasn't me I'm Sleepy
wife says I'm Grumpy
Kids just say I'm Dopey

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

No finger-pointing, please.

[japawil]

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

[japawil]

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

[GILow]

One the Aussies will relate to...


https://chaser.com.au/general-news/c...-second-phone/

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by GILow

One the Aussies will relate to...


https://chaser.com.au/general-news/c...-second-phone/

Oh boy, Matt, thanks for that link! Them there guys are FUNNY, and I'm only an ersatz Aussie... but I once had to contact Centrelink... 'nuff said!

Jim

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by StuM

Carl Gustav 84mm Recoilless Rifle. They've been in general use around the world for about 70 years.
Known as the M3 in the US military.

The latest iteration is the M3E1
US Army Acquires M3E1 Re-Usable Missile System – Warfare.Today

Interesting, the linked article speaks of it as a missile system, and the system it’s replacing, the AT4 is a missile system, but firing missiles out of guns is nothing new, but it’s not usually very successful, the Shillelagh (sp) missile system for example.

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by GILow

One the Aussies will relate to...
https://chaser.com.au/general-news/c...-second-phone/

Exquisite! And I don't even have half an idea what Centrelink might be.
I’ll be following The Chaser, from now on. ➥ https://chaser.com.au/
Even their “ halfbaked plan to stay solvent” makes sense.

This is the Chaser's halfbaked plan to stay solvent
The Chaser is editorially independent, our stories are free from the influence of billionaires (unless they want to give us $100 - then we’ll print whatever they like). Unlike many others we haven’t put up a paywall because we know you wouldn’t pay for this garbage. But the revenue we get from advertising is falling, so we'd love it if you could throw us a few bucks to help us keep our writers alive.