The New Joke Thread

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Still, well done. Best I ever managed was about 230-235. Not sure if the car could have done better but my nerves and sense of self-preservation wouldn't!

Totally agree. I only hit the top end for a short while and decided to back it off. Unless you're an idiot or suicide prone, driving at that speed I learned is really hard work and takes maximum concentration.

- Both hands on the wheel, eyes a mile or more down the road.
- Back off a lot when passing slower cars in the right lane.
- DO NOT CRUISE IN THE LEFT LANE NO MATTER HOW FAST YOU'RE GOING because there's always someone else going faster. Really wish American driver could learn this one.
- When pulling into the left lane look way, way back in the mirror to make sure you aren't pulling in front of some guy going 300 or better.

Basically after a not long I started getting tired of it and decided to cruise at a more relaxing 160-170 kph.

The bad news, on the way back to the hotel that night crossed the Netherlands border where the speed limit was normal, like 110-120 or something. After cruising at autobahn speeds that felt like I was walking and try as I might, every time I glanced down at the speedo I was back up to 140-150. Well the Dutch being very clever people know all about that and have speed cameras lined up on the highways coming back from Germany so six months later I get a letter in the mail with a ticket to pay in the Netherlands. At least I didn't get points for it back in FL.

[Buzzman]

There is a (rightly) famous article published in (I think) CAR magazine in the eighties, by Mel Nichols, who was asked to help a colleague deliver three Lamborghinis from the factory in Italy to the UK.

As you can imagine, he jumped at the chance. From memory it was a Silhouette, Estrada and a Countach.

They had some fun in the Alps then settled into the long haul up the centre of France on the autoroute. After a couple of hours ton-up, a guy in a Belgian-registered XJS Jaguar (V12, 5.3L, no slouch) came roaring up behind them.

The lead driver saw the Jag coming in his rear view and, by the time the Jag was level with him, had knocked it back a cuppla cogs, floored it and equalled the Jag's speed (around 190km/h) then gradually pulled ahead and away.

The other two drivers also followed suit, and the three Lambos disappeared into the distance at 200+, leaving the Begian Jag driver wallowing in their wake.

I mean, early eighties, there wasn't much that could top 200. And to get your doors blown off so comprehensively by not one but three Lambos in quick succession must have seriously demoralised the Jag driver.

They never sighted him again.

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

There is a (rightly) famous article published in (I think) CAR magazine in the eighties, by Mel Nichols, who was asked to help a colleague deliver three Lamborghinis from the factory in Italy to the UK.

As you can imagine, he jumped at the chance. From memory it was a Silhouette, Estrada and a Countach.

They had some fun in the Alps then settled into the long haul up the centre of France on the autoroute. After a couple of hours ton-up, a guy in a Belgian-registered XJS Jaguar (V12, 5.3L, no slouch) came roaring up behind them.

The lead driver saw the Jag coming in his rear view and, by the time the Jag was level with him, had knocked it back a cuppla cogs, floored it and equalled the Jag's speed (around 190km/h) then gradually pulled ahead and away.

The other two drivers also followed suit, and the three Lambos disappeared into the distance at 200+, leaving the Begian Jag driver wallowing in their wake.

I mean, early eighties, there wasn't much that could top 200. And to get your doors blown off so comprehensively by not one but three Lambos in quick succession must have seriously demoralised the Jag driver.

They never sighted him again.

Something similar happened to me on the Autobahn coming back from Heidelberg to Frankfurt, I could hear something coming from long away, I cruised the Z28 at 130 MPH, above that and the windows sucked open and it got real loud in the car.
Anyway I looked in the rear view window and saw a red car rapidly approaching and blew by me in the left lane, and the motor sounded like a Jap Bike with a header, hornet type of sound.
Anyway the car disappeared and you could still hear it.
It was a “Cheese Grater” Ferrari, pretty rare forget the name.
About 30 min later we passed by in a traffic circle, it was on the side of the road, they had blown the motor.

Then I was riding my bicycle in the Speisarts (sp) I’m a small town and heard a rather odd engine sound right behind me, turned to look and it was the only McLaren F1 that I have ever seen, little car with the driver sitting right in the middle of the car.

Fastest car on the Autobahn when I was there was I swear a 5 cyl turbo 4 wheel drive Audi Station wagon, at 300 KPH (186) mph. I remember the speed cause my CBR 1100XX would go 300 KPH.
You knew this Audi from a distance because it had big red Porsche brake calipers.

[a64pilot]

Tried looking up that Audi and it seems Audi still makes a hell of a wagon
https://youtu.be/H8N-Kj0jWzE

[Eigenvector]

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD THAT..

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings,Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call-center in Afghanistan, and when I told them I was suicidal,they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

[CatNewBee]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

There is a (rightly) famous article published in (I think) CAR magazine in the eighties, by Mel Nichols, who was asked to help a colleague deliver three Lamborghinis from the factory in Italy to the UK.

As you can imagine, he jumped at the chance. From memory it was a Silhouette, Estrada and a Countach.

They had some fun in the Alps then settled into the long haul up the centre of France on the autoroute. After a couple of hours ton-up, a guy in a Belgian-registered XJS Jaguar (V12, 5.3L, no slouch) came roaring up behind them.

The lead driver saw the Jag coming in his rear view and, by the time the Jag was level with him, had knocked it back a cuppla cogs, floored it and equalled the Jag's speed (around 190km/h) then gradually pulled ahead and away.

The other two drivers also followed suit, and the three Lambos disappeared into the distance at 200+, leaving the Begian Jag driver wallowing in their wake.

I mean, early eighties, there wasn't much that could top 200. And to get your doors blown off so comprehensively by not one but three Lambos in quick succession must have seriously demoralised the Jag driver.

They never sighted him again.

Most cars are limited to 250 kmh, no big deal, when you live in Germany and use the Autobahn daily, it is very common to drive 180...200 on the left lane when the road is dry and not too crowdy, and you let pass people who are faster. Because everybody is aware, and fast, there are no problems.

[Tayana42]

At an antique shop in London I discovered a pencil that the seller said once belonged to William Shakespeare. However, the bard often chewed on his pencil and now you can’t tell if it’s a 2B or a not 2B.

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]