The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

They started doing temperature screening in Mexico.

[socaldmax]

This was sent from a reliable source: Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men.
I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your male friends.
Here's how the scam works; Two very beautiful, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible NOT to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride over to McDonald's. You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen February 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th, and the 28th. Also March 1st, 2nd, 8th, twice on the 9th &10th, and very likely again tomorrow and Wednesday so tell your friends to be careful.
What a horrible way to take advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be alert and vigilant. Note: Walmart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Tree and bought them out in three of their stores.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Walmart. That’s a side benefit. So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon).

[LakeSuperior]

The MC at an Irish wedding to make a toast, "Can all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made their lives meaningful."

...The bartender was subsequently crushed to death.

[LakeSuperior]

Folks have become too judgmental these days!

I can tell just by looking at them...

[LakeSuperior]

What's Vlad the impaler's favorite joke?

This bar goes into a guy...

[LakeSuperior]

A priest was invited to attend a house party. Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"

The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months."

[AKA-None]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Here's a picture of me with my second wife.

I think you are only supposed to have one. Wife that is.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by AKA-None

I think you are only supposed to have one. Wife that is.

I agree, but my Mormon friend disagrees...

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by AKA-None

I think you are only supposed to have one. Wife that is.

at a time that is.

[StuM]

Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One asked, "Do you smell fish?"

[StuM]

DO you need a current licence to drive an electric car?

[Oceanride007]

https://facebook.com/FawltyTowersFan...3802496338378/




Basil is in desperate need of help to get his hotel wall fixed before Sybil finds out ����

[LakeSuperior]

Cop: Suspect is dancing naked downtown.

Dispatcher: Copy that.

Cop: I'll try but I'm not that good of a dancer.