The New Joke Thread

[GILow]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

Har har..

Don't larf!! An old bloke in suburban Williamstown, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia , had a 707 in his back garden for years...



OK it was an Avro 707 but it was still a 707...

http://www.adf-gallery.com.au/galler...ntom.sized.jpg



I'll let you do your own research...

As an old Williamstown boy, I can say that sums up just about all you need to know about Williamstown.

[smbdyiam2]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I'm gonna laugh at that one, since this is the joke thread!

When I bought my Duramax in 2002, GM set a max towing capacity for the drive train and subtracted from that as the truck got heavier. So if you bought a 2500HD single cab 2wd SB, you got something like 15,500 lb towing cap. If you got a crew cab, your towing cap. went down 500 lbs, to 15,000 lbs, which is what I have. If you got the longer bed, your towing cap. was reduced by the extra weight of the long bed, 4wd further reduced your towing cap., etc. 3500 duallies had even lower towing cap. due to the extra wheel/tire weight.

So I needed the crew cab for my dogs, coolers, etc but I was willing to settle for a short bed to retain the towing cap. Nowadays, they rate the towing cap. based on braking power, gearing, hp, suspension cap. etc and a 3500 is actually rated for more towing cap. even though it has the same engine and trans as the 2500.

More power!!

Wow great joke I think.

It was a joke right. Maybe i just don't understand . was it because they used the brakes for towing caps?

[LakeSuperior]

A Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately.

Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...

Karen: Don't give me this labs nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches, and healing crystals all my life, and they never let me down. Now, will you do things my way or do I need to talk to the hospital management?

Doctor: Sure, sure, lady. We'll do things your way. Does an astrology-based approach work for you?

Karen: That's better! Of course it would!

Doctor: What's your birth sign?

Karen: Cancer.

Doctor: Well what a ******* coincidence.

[LakeSuperior]

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door. "Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"

"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.

"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

[LakeSuperior]

A girl wants to do a sleepover at her friend's house.

Her mom: you'll be sleeping in different rooms right?

Daughter: Come on Mom! I'm 12.

Mother: Yes... and I'm 24.

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

That wasn't a joke... simply a statement of fact.
The British Merchant Navy in the 1950s and 60's was manned very largely by people avoiding conscription/national service - if you went to sea you were exempt- and queers ( the word 'gay' had not been stolen at that time.... ).

Homosexuality had not been decriminalised in the UK and could still see you doing jail time but was widely tolerated at sea... especially in the catering departments. On the liners I served on once a trip they would have a big party in the Pig and Whistle... all the ship's drag queens would be out in all their finery....

Feel free to take offence ... I'm going to take the rest of the day off.....

Ok understood... I've been schooled!
My apologies!

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by smbdyiam2

Wow great joke I think.

It was a joke right. Maybe i just don't understand . was it because they used the brakes for towing caps?

Thread drift, but I’m pretty sure the 3500 had much larger brakes than the 2500. It certainly had a beefier suspension.
Limits come from unusual places, for example the HP limit on your dinghy has nothing to do with construction, hull type or structural strength or testing. It’s simply a formula based on length and transom width.
Also the max capacity has nothing to do with testing to see how much weight the boat can safely carry or maneuver with, its another simple formula.
I manufactured a crop duster, on our old aircraft you would exceed the weight limit if you filled it up with fuel and left the hopper empty. You see above a certain weight different rules come into play, so the previous manufacturer certified the aircraft at the max weight that those rules didn’t come into play. Newer aircraft we certified to 10,000 ft, but I have flown them to 25,000.
Had absolutely nothing to do with how much weigh it could safely carry or how high they could fly.

The 9.9 HP outboard for example, rules came out that allowed only outboards below 10 Hp, so manufacturers labeled their 10 HP motors 9.9.

[socaldmax]

[jeanathon]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Good one, but technically that is newtonian.

[darylat8750]

I'm 71 but I identify as 15... so watch your language !

[admiral 31]

Originally Posted by Montanan

This thread is running for close to forever.

I suppose that there will eventually be the Newer Joke Thread at some point.

Will it be called the Newer New Joke Thread? or the New Newer Joke Thread?

[carstenb]

Originally Posted by darylat8750

I'm 71 but I identify as 15... so watch your language !

Well shuckity darn and pluck them chickens! guess that makes me a teeny-bopper..........................

Does that mean that when I look at all the young babes now - I'm not a dirty old man?

[Tayana42]

Originally Posted by admiral 31

Will it be called the Newer New Joke Thread? or the New Newer Joke Thread?

How about the Joke Thread, Nu?

[admiral 31]

Originally Posted by Tayana42

How about the Joke Thread, Nu?

Sounds good to me, as long as we can find it!



The (New?) Joke Thread really is a pick me up & puts a smile on peoples faces in these terrible times, well it does on mine anyway,.



I download most of the photo jokes & forward them to my Whatsapp & real family, who wonder where I get them from.


My big thanks go to (among others) to Socaldmax for all there time & energy he (they) devote to this thread,



Again Thank You, you are making this situation more bearable.

[LakeSuperior]

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude the captain announced, “ ladies and gentlemen this is your captain. Welcome to flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and... OH MY GOD!”

Silence followed... Some moment later the captain came back on the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m sorry if I startled you. While I was taking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”

One Irish passenger yelled... “For God sakes... you should see the back of mine!”