The New Joke Thread

[ArmyDaveNY]

How is an Essex girl like a cow pie?

They older they get, the easier they are to pick up!

[LakeSuperior]

Three elderly ladies are discussing their mental health.

The first lady says, "Today I was at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember if I had just gone up or was about to go down."

The second lady says, "I was sitting at the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember if I was about to sleep or just woke up."

The final lady says, "My memory is as good as ever, knock on wood." With this she hits the table twice. Suddenly she is startled and looks up, "Who's there?"

[LakeSuperior]

So, I have this friend who studied to become an egyptologist. The only way he can make a living is by becoming a PhD and teach others to become egyptologists.

As far as I'm concerned, it is a pyramid scheme.

[LakeSuperior]

A wiener is talking to his girlfriend...

She says, "Why is it that when we're around my friends you say you're a sausage, and around your friends you act like a hot dog?"

He replies, "Well, to be frank, you're acting like a brat."

[MicHughV]

I was cleaning out my spam folder today....

I never realized I had so many long lost uncle's, aunt's and dying cousins from around the world, this, in addition to a whole host of relatives, friends and business men from Nigeria, all of them begging to send me a lot of money....

So I tallied it all up this morning, and dang, I'm quite a rich guy.....

All they want is my bank account number so they can wire the millions to my account...oh, and send them a small check for services rendered, which seems only fair.

Can you believe my good fortune !!! What a sweet deal. I'm a billionaire, but never knew it !!

I had planned to buy a new 40' sailboat, but am now looking at 400' boats.

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

A new definition of "wildlife"...

[socaldmax]

[StuM]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I gueth you have to read that with a 'merkin acthent.


It doethn't work tho well with "draw me a barth"

[goguygo]

Yo mamma's teeth are so yellow... when she smiles, traffic slows down.

[socaldmax]

It's a Mike Tyson thing.

[chrisr]

this is only partially a joke...also part lesson in social science / geography

enjoy !



cheers,

[sailorphil9]

Why wasn't Jesus born in the US?


God couldn't find three wise men and virgin there.

[sailorphil9]

Preserve wildlife.


Have an orgy today!

[sailorphil9]

Way back in 2006, we were leaving the Canary Islands for Brazil. Five aboard, including a married couple (I'd never ship a married couple again, but that's another story).

I just had to have a leg of Jamon to go with us, had to be done, bought one in El Corte Ingles, Las Palmas. My ladyfriend (not on the voyage) gave us a brown paper parcel - a gift, not to be opened until we're a couple of days out.

OK, here are some of the pics. The swimming takes place as we cross the Equator. None of us were shellbacks for that Equator crossing. She was King Neptune's designated representative as he couldn't be there that day. And no, I'm not the guy in the pic.









She's still aboard - and so is the ladyfriend! We've had tons of fun surprising guests. She ('Filippa Hole' according to the box she came in) can't cook and doesn't answer back. My ladyfriend does both.

She also windsurfs (after a fashion) and she can turn a trick(!) at the helm.







I haven't checked whether she is the 175 Newton buoyancy version but I strongly suspect she exceeds that. 14 yrs old and no punctures, not even a prick.