The New Joke Thread

[Franziska]

Funny enough, I once fell into that trap. Thought it was a kind ready made "Muesli" much to my disappointment it was very bland...

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Comes from the French word.... grappé
...which describes cluster or bunch.
"Nuts", because if you believe it is healthy for you,..., well your just nuts!

[JPA Cate]

Yup, made from some kind of batter that is baked, then coarsely ground.

Ann

[GILow]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

Yup, made from some kind of batter that is baked, then coarsely ground.

Ann

Well now I feel ill.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

Yup, made from some kind of batter that is baked, then coarsely ground.

Ann

Wheat and Barley I think, and it’s one of the oldest cereals there are. Made by CW Post way back when, who I think worked at the Kellogg’s sanitarium and stole their recipes.
I think Post died a very wealthy person with mental issues, maybe stemming from his business start being outright theft?

Business at its best

https://www.grapenuts.com/our-story/

[LakeSuperior]

My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!“

I said, “This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.”

[LakeSuperior]

A pastor and a priest stood alongside the road with signs saying, "The end is near!" And, "Turn your ways before its too late!"

A man drove by and saw their signs and yelled out his window, "You guys are nuts!!" And continued driving.

A few moments later they heard the sound of screeching tires followed by a splash.

The pastor looked at the priest and said, "Maybe this isn't the best way to let people know that the bridge is collapsed."

[S-V SAGA]

Originally Posted by LakeSuperior

Sometimes when I'm sailing out on the bay I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the brella.

But he hesitated.

Like one time when I called for chinese take-out. They always butcher my last name so I had to think about it for a second and I said... Uh, Scott. She said, Ahscott 15 minutes. They even wrote it like that on the bag.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by S-V SAGA

Like one time when I called for chinese take-out. They always butcher my last name so I had to think about it for a second and I said... Uh, Scott. She said, Ahscott 15 minutes. They even wrote it like that on the bag.

1999 I was stationed at Camp Humphries Korea, for my PIC ride I had to show I could navigate to Camp Casey I think it was (it’s where the missiles and ammo were kept).
It’s a joint US Army / Korean Air Force base so the controllers are Korean.
So inbound I contact the tower who responds and tells me to “blink light”
Sounded odd, never had that request before, I looked down and the strobes were on, so I told them my lights were blinking. They came back a little more eagerly and told me to blink light. I still had never heard of anything like that so I extended the search light and turned it on and off and told them I was blinking the searchlight, thinking maybe they can’t see where I am and want to see me.
He came back very quickly saying F5 short final, blink light now. I looked out and sure enough there was a little jet straight ahead

[LakeSuperior]

If the mantises are always praying, what is their religion?

I think it varies, because they're all in sects.

[LakeSuperior]

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side).

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR -- all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear"

[LakeSuperior]

ME: I trained this chicken to talk.

HER: Let's hear then.

ME: What's a male deer called?

CHICKEN: Buck

ME: How much is 200 pennies worth?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

HER: This is dumb.

CHICKEN: It gets way better Susan, wait a couple minutes.

[socaldmax]

[snort]

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by snort

Ya know, even though I'm a card carrying old fart, that made me LOL.

Jim

[sailorphil9]

Originally Posted by S-V SAGA

Like one time when I called for chinese take-out. They always butcher my last name so I had to think about it for a second and I said... Uh, Scott. She said, Ahscott 15 minutes. They even wrote it like that on the bag.

Our local Chinese takeaway was known as Effing Elses.


Every we phoned our order in she'd say 'Effing else?''