The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[sailorphil9]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

I can understand why she questioned you, you left out "time" in the punchline of your joke.

Yeh, I ran out of time for that one

[sailorphil9]

Originally Posted by IslandHopper

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
...etc

Mrs. Smith fainted....

Major multiple LOL - Great!

[sailorphil9]

Just had to paste this...


The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman:
And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" She cried. "How dare you do this to me? A faithful wife, the mother of your children. I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!"
And the husband replied. "Hang on just a minute, so at least I can tell you what happened?"
"Fine, go ahead. "She sobbed. "But they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And the husband began. "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans that you bought a couple years back, but don't wear because you say they
not the "in" name this year. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same." The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said.
"Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

[sailorphil9]

An Irishman walks into a pub and orders dozens of martinis, removing the olives, placing them in a jar, and drinking the martinis. When the jar is filled with olives and all the martinis drank, he starts to leave, staggering.
The bartender stops him and asks, "Excuse me but, what was that all about?"
The Irishman replies, "Me wife sent me out for a jar of olives."

[Uncle Bob]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Wow, like wow, do you have a link to the make and model??

[Pelagic]

Hate to think how she keeps wind in her Sails

[scarpozzi]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Hate to think how she keeps wind in her Sails Attachment 221948

By the look on his face, he's not ready to go down with the ship (Titanic).
Maybe he was intimidated by the size of her mast?
When her boat's a'rocking....
I'd have to see her walking away to know if she were a trawler or a pleasure craft...

Ok...that's enough for now.

[BBViper]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Hate to think how she keeps wind in her Sails Attachment 221948

READY TORPEDO! LAUNCH ! DIRECT HIT TO THE GARBOARD PLANK SIR !

[socaldmax]

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