The New Joke Thread

[sailorphil9]

What's the last thing that goes through a bug's brain as it hits a windshield?


Its arse.

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by fabgo

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/topic...ticles/zs2crdm

Yes, yes I know, the BBC is THE arbiter of all things to do with the English language except they are wrong here and they really aren't the arbiter, especially not the intern that was tasked with writing that little factoid. The OED might be a better arbiter.

I should have said Y and W are sometimes vowels. My mistake.

W is sometimes a vowel. These folks think it is only when it is in conjunction with an A, O or E. https://www.ck12.org/spelling/w-a-co...3E%2C%20and%20.

They are wrong too, or incompletely right, it can very occasionally stand on its own (see how I just slipped that use in here):
Cwm and Crwth are the 2 examples I know of borrowed from Welsh. https://www.dictionary.com/e/w-vowel/


Yes, you might say but that's Welsh and we are talking about English so those 2 words can't count. Wrong again. English is a bastard language made up of bits and pieces of a whole bunch of other languages, if Welsh borrow words don't count then neither do all the other borrow words and half or more of the English vocabulary disappears never to be heard from again. Let's just keep the borrow words and accept that English is very profoundly weird.

And thus endeth today's English lesson/rant/whatever.

[LakeSuperior]

Originally Posted by Adelie

Yes, yes I know, the BBC is THE arbiter of all things to do with the English language except they are wrong here and they really aren't the arbiter, especially not the intern that was tasked with writing that little factoid. The OED might be a better arbiter.

I should have said Y and W are sometimes vowels. My mistake.

W is sometimes a vowel. These folks think it is only when it is in conjunction with an A, O or E. https://www.ck12.org/spelling/w-a-co...3E%2C%20and%20.

They are wrong too, or incompletely right, it can very occasionally stand on its own (see how I just slipped that use in here):
Cwm and Crwth are the 2 examples I know of borrowed from Welsh. https://www.dictionary.com/e/w-vowel/


Yes, you might say but that's Welsh and we are talking about English so those 2 words can't count. Wrong again. English is a bastard language made up of bits and pieces of a whole bunch of other languages, if Welsh borrow words don't count then neither do all the other borrow words and half or more of the language disappears never to be heard from again. Let's just keep the borrow words and accept that English is very profoundly weird.

And thus endeth today's English lesson/rant/whatever.

Maybe you could even slip in a joke too being this is the joke thread... Thus endeth my rant for today.

[Adelie]

Hey, there's a few jokes in there. But I do kinda resemble that remark.

[S/V Adeline]

A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y, Pluto is a planet, 2+2=4, grass=green, sky=blue, etc etc
Joke thread! Change the definition of the world in another thread

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by S/V Adeline

...Pluto is a planet ...

[MicHughV]

ha, there is the English " english"....and American " english"....the two should not be confused with each other...
English - spanner....American - wrench....the list is very long...
to add more confusion to the pile...go to New Orleans....they speak english there...sorta..kinda...
New Zealand, Australia, South Africa have " english" intertwined with other languages, sayings, expressions, etc...the locals understand each other perfectly...but a visitor is likely to go "say what again"...
The Welsh, Scots and Irish speak " english" that have little in common with the Queen's english....for that matter....go to London and try to understand cockney "english"...you'll be lucky to understand two words...

where's the joke.....not sure.....moderator likely to tell me to fook off.....speaking of which, if there was ever an english word with so many diverse meanings, it must be fook....it can be used as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and many more....I once saw a list where the word was used in about 30 different ways....yes, it's a confusing language..

[transmitterdan]

My age is catching up to me...

[Montanan]

A joke waiting to be told be like:

[Montanan]

What do you get when you use vowels and consonants to derive jokes?

We lost all the vowels from our Scrabble set.
So I sold it on Ebay as a Welsh edition.

People claim that in the English language, y can be a vowel
but I think that's just a myth

British English now has only 3 vowels: A I O
They officially left E U

Is there a word that contains all the vowels, including Y?
Unquestionably.

I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels
She didn't know I existed

My wife and I had an argument as to which is the most important vowel.
I won.

I once met a guy who was convinced that there were no word in the English language with more syllables than vowels. I tried to explain to him that he was wrong, but he refuses to accept criticism.

I was really happy when I discovered a word with all five vowels.
It was euphoria.

Why is "o" the noisiest vowel?
All the others are in audible.

Recently I wrote ‘blender’ with the wrong vowel
It was a blunder

Just found out I have irritable vowel syndrome...
Every time “U” tell me “I” have to do something it irritates the $h*t out of me.

So a vowel saves another vowel's life.
The other vowel says, "Aye E! I owe you!"

I hate people who complain about hard vowel sounds.
They’re all a bunch of soft-e’s.

I looked longingly into my beloved's eyes and whispered, "A, E, I, O, U...and sometimes, Y."
The priest then turned to her. "And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"

My friend is running around trying to get rid of silent vowels
but I say it's a waste of Tim.

Caution this next one may not be Politically Correct.
What do you get when you take the vowels out of Reince Priebus' name?
RNC PR BS

I've lost all control of my vowels...
Now I'm completely in consonant.

Have "I" expended the limit on this topic, yet? Or should I contin U?

[Montanan]

I love u
it's my favourite vowel.

[Montanan]

FASTEST WAY TO SCREW UP SOMEONE'S KNOCK, KNOCK JOKE.

"IT'S OPEN!"

[Montanan]

Some days I wake up Grumpy.

Other days I let her sleep in.

[Montanan]

I tried a quarantine joke about my body.

But it didn't work out.

[Dreaming Yachtsman]

Here is some classic Buddy Hackett to lighten up your otherwise gloomy day:
https://youtu.be/aww4HT5g7ig