The New Joke Thread

[GordMay]

The RMS Titanic has been resting on the ocean floor, for over a hundred years.
What could we expect, from the captain of the Titanic, had it sunk in 2020:
There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg, but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean, but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg, but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.
The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg.
We are taking on water, but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats. Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats, if they want them.
We don't have any lifeboats, we're not lifeboat distributors.
Passengers should have planned for icebergs, and brought their own lifeboats.
I really don't think we need that many lifeboats.
We have lifeboats, and they're supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers' lifeboats.
The lifeboats were left, on shore, by the last captain of this ship.
Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.

BTW:
Q: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic?
A: About half-way

[MicHughV]

ah, the truth comes out...

[Pelagic]

Spoiler Alert

[S-V SAGA]

My favorite pick-up line,,, Hey does this smell like chloroform to you?

[Connemara]

Originally Posted by dfelsent

Let me apologize in advance for this one.

Let he who is without sin approximate it with a Taylor series.

Looking for the pocket laugh on that one.

Connemara

[socaldmax]

DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE

This is a sad story of the depression that can haunt a man.
Marcel was sick and tired of the world; of Covid 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station and started the car.

Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car.

A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.

[GordMay]

Q: Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because Oct. 31 = Dec. 25.

Q: What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
A: Beer.

Q: What do a hurricane, a tornado and a red neck divorce all have in common?
A: In every case, someone loses a trailer.

[GordMay]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

I used to live in Navy housing in HI and one year, for some reason, a lot of the wives dressed as sexy Playboy bunnies, hula dancers, belly dancers, exotic dancers or just sexy cats. Much more than usual.

My wife and I were sitting in the front yard passing out candy, I was in costume as a drunk, she was her usual witch persona (much more than just a costume, believe me) and it seemed like every group that came up had at least one sexy mother in it escorting her little one. After the first couple of them came by, I started offering a free beer to them if they shook their little bunny tail in my face, or did a personal dance for me.

I had quite a few takers, surprisingly, but my wife was not amused as usual. Annoyed (do they ever have any other emotion besides annoyed and angry?) she asked me how much longer was I going to do that?

"Until we get low on beer, then I'm going to send you off on your broom to go get another 4 cases of beer..."

She never did have much of a sense of humor, but I'll never forget how many young mothers were willing to shake their tight little money makers for a beer!

[socaldmax]

I think this came from an Ozzie dating site...

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]

[socaldmax]