The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Eigenvector

From the way back machine...........

I think I've found the solution that will make everyone happy.

I'll stop posting images.

StuM will be overjoyed that everyone loses out because of him, those who can't see them will no longer feel slighted and I won't have to waste my time posting them any more. I'll just enjoy reading the jokes I see here and elsewhere and stop trying to share images.



Back to jokes.

A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested.

"If you want to cancel the wedding, then I'll understand," she said. The guy remarked, "I don't mind that you're flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because he is just like a baby below the waist. The girl remarked, "I don't mind that you're like a baby below the waist, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway."

And so, the happy couple went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes. True to her word, she is as flat as a washboard. Then, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at his naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.

When she regained consciousness, the guy said, "I told you before we got married, so why were you so surprised?"

"You told me it was just like a baby." The guy replied, "It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long!"

[MicHughV]

I thought this stone might be useful to some folks on this thread, so I'll pass it around...

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by Singularity

Frankly I'm surprised that the moderators allow all the female nudity in his posts...must be that the outlandish humor keeps it all kosher.
[/SIZE]

Do you know the difference between nudity and a bikini?

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Do you know the difference between nudity and a bikini?

Lol...We all know that Singularity has x-ray vision

[chrisr]

News flashes:

A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7, 8 and 9.

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £7.50/min (charges may vary,ask your mobile provider)

Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's the worst at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham delete it. It's Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.


When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.


further updates after the program

cheers,

[Singularity]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Do you know the difference between nudity and a bikini?

I suggested unseeable salaciousness to salivate the surly unsatiated. You spoiled it...

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by Singularity

I suggested unseeable salaciousness to salivate the surly unsatiated. You spoiled it...

Lol....well done!
A satiated, salacious, seeable salvation, can only bring you closer to your gods

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by Adelie

Length of thread is no indication of quality, nor that it is related to cruising.

No,
But I would go out on a limb and say it might just attest to it’s popularity though.

[a64pilot]

Originally Posted by BlueH2Obound

Apparently they're also censoring it in the United States as well, as that's where I am. Whatever . . . .

I’ve not been able to figure it out myself. I think it may be the ISP?
When we were in the Marina in Jax Fl, I couldn’t see many of them
Now that we have a house in another town, it seems I can see them all.

Both are in the US, in Fl. Only difference that I’m aware of is the Internet Service Provider is different.

[Pelagic]

I think every country has thier own censorship blocks.
Here in the Philippines I occasionally see a block that this content is not allowed in your region.
Not sure if that block is from the sender or from the recieving state?

[Fuss]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Lol...We all know that Singularity has x-ray vision

he is a beta tester for the new apple glasses. Apparently it has some bugs.

[GordMay]

[Malabarista]

Originally Posted by chrisr

News flashes:

A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7, 8 and 9.

I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.

The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night - to be fair the audience did try to warn him.

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £7.50/min (charges may vary,ask your mobile provider)

Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook".

Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's the worst at snooker.

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham delete it. It's Spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.


When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.


further updates after the program

cheers,

Please please. One at a time. I think I’m going to die [emoji23][emoji23]

[GordMay]

[StuM]

5 letters