The New Joke Thread

[Quebramar]

Originally Posted by GordMay

[emoji28]how familiar!
Coincidentally I read an interesting article this morning. Conspiracy theory enables a group to designate the culprit and feel released from any form of responsibility.
This starts with blaming others, for which social media are great enablers... Could be amusing if it were not so dramatic due to the lack of necessary distanciation (and of sense of humour)

[GordMay]

[Singularity]

Originally Posted by Quebramar

...Conspiracy theory enables a group to designate the culprit and feel released from any form of responsibility

...indeed a form of ego defense that's mutually agreed upon. Saves everyone a lot of homework and time in therapy.

[JoeRobertJr]

"So, what do you do?"
"I'm a supervillain."
"What's your name?"
"Autocorrector."
"Hahaha! Are you Sirius? What's your super powder? Wait a minion...what the help is happy ninja to me? PLEATS MAKE IT DUCKING STOP!"

[goguygo]

Doctor: Do alcoholics run in your family?

Patient: It's rare. Usually they just stumble around and break stuff.

[chrisr]

Last month the UN conducted a world-wide survey by phone.

The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"


The survey was a huge failure because of the following:


1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
6. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
8. In Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

cheers,

[Sherpa17]

Going forward

[GordMay]

There’s so much tax evasion in America ...
It’s almost as though the country was founded on it, or something.


A young man was born in a rich family
He had everything handed to him, never having to work. One day though, his father gets arrested for tax evasion and the government takes everything from him. Depressed and afraid, without knowing how to react, the young man decides to kill himself. As he is about to jump of a bridge, he sees an old man with white hair and beard, dressed in red.
- What are you doing my boy?
- Leave me alone old man, I have decided to kill myself.
- Now, is that a way to talk to Santa Claus? Ho ho ho, tell me what you want for Christmas and I will give it to you.
- Really Santa? I would like to have my houses, my cars and my money back. Is something like that possible?
- Of course my boy, nothing is impossible for Santa, ho ho ho. Christmas magic is powerful you know.
- Oh Santa you saved me. Is there a way I can ever repay you?
- Well you could give me a bj.
- What? Really? Well i guess, I owe you, so...
After he gets down to business and the deed is done, the young man asks:
- So when will you bring my presents Santa?
- What was your name again my boy?
- Dave.
- And how old are you Dave?
- 30.


- Isn't 30 a bit too old to believe in Santa, Dave?

[Rob_P]

Originally Posted by Singularity

Just don't say that it's over your head. hint: something between the something

Isn't that where the cabinet you keep the toilet paper is located? Or is it different on a boat?

[Pelagic]

Marketing

[Eigenvector]

a few

[dfelsent]

Wow! I didn’t know I collect spaceship models!

[goguygo]

They say Jesus lives inside me.

Well I hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting.

[Tom_F]

[Halifax Sailor]

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well", he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person then ask them to empty the tub."

"Oh, I understand" I said, "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the teacup or spoon."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near a window?"