The New Joke Thread

[NedX]

Originally Posted by carstenb

The hair shampoo called BRECK

In Danish BRECK means to throw up

They actually do sell the shampoo in Denmark

Great, but I can beat that. In Farsi, the word for snow is "barf." In Afghanistan and Tajikistan, they sell a laundry detergent called Barf.

Get your clothes whiter...with Barf!

[StuM]

Originally Posted by MicHughV

math....
if a ship can cross the Atlantic in 7 days.....7 ships can cross it in one day....right !!
1Sx7D=1C.....or 7SD=1C 7Sx1D=1C.....or 7SD=1C
it's math and figures never lie...

Someone else who doesn't understand the concept of dimensional analysis.
I bet you mix up amps and amp hours too

[ChrisJHC]

Originally Posted by GordMay

1 + 1 = 3, for sufficiently large one's.

Set Excel to show zero decimal places then calculate 1.49 + 1.49

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1605936175

[Uncle Bob]

https://www.cruisersforum.com/forums...1&d=1605936266

[GILow]

Originally Posted by ChrisJHC

Set Excel to show zero decimal places then calculate 1.49 + 1.49

Unless you still have an old Pentium 60 chip, in which case you don’t need to worry about the decimal places setting, the chip will do it for you.

[BBViper]

Originally Posted by GordMay

The Evolution of Math Teaching
1960s: A peasant sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price. What is his profit?
1970s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His costs amount to 4/5 of his selling price, that is, $8. What is his profit?
1970s (new math): A farmer exchanges a set P of potatoes with set M of money. The cardinality of the set M is equal to 10, and each element of M is worth $1. Draw ten big dots representing the elements of M. The set C of production costs is composed of two big dots less than the set M. Represent C as a subset of M and give the answer to the question: What is the cardinality of the set of profits?
1980s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His production costs are $8, and his profit is $2. Underline the word "potatoes" and discuss with your classmates.
1990s: A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. His or her production costs are 0.80 of his or her revenue. On your calculator, graph revenue vs. costs. Run the POTATO program to determine the profit. Discuss the result with students in your group. Write a brief essay that analyzes this example in the real world of economics.

Now: 1 + 1 = 3, for sufficiently large one's.

2020 math - A farmer sells a bag of potatoes for $10. The ACLU and social democrats bring a law suit against him for unfair labor practices and the right brings a lawsuit against him for hiring illegal immigrants to pick his potatoes. The farmer is not allowed to go to either hearing due to covid restrictions and losses both cases causing him to be bankrupt and loose his farm. The farmer is driven to manufacturing meth and sells his meth at $100 a piece. A reality show is made about him and Oregon legalizes meth.

[GordMay]

A teacher asked her 6th grade class “how many of them would have voted for @#$%^?”.
Not really knowing what a @#$%^ voter is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny.
The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different (again).
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not a @#$%^ voter."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of @#$%^ ?"
Johnny said, "Because I'm a pick one."
The teacher asked him why he was a pick one.
Little Johnny answered, "Well, my mom is a pick one and my Dad is a pick one, so I am a pick one."
Annoyed by the answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
With a big smile, little Johnny replied, "That would make me a @#$%^ voter."

[GordMay]

Of course, the photo's a hoax. There Is No USS Al Gore
The USS Al Gore does not exist. The USS (United States Ship) designation is reserved for active commissioned ships of the US Navy. There has never been a ship named for former US Vice-President Al Gore.
The picture was actually of a private boat moored off Versoix, on the shores of Lake Geneva, Switzerland.

[GordMay]

[Yihang]

[MicHughV]

I spent some time in Africa during my youth......one of the greatest puzzles of all time to the local's were " who was that little man inside a radio, that does all the talking, and how does he get in there ?"

then some bright entrepreneur decided to introduce the bra to the local womenfolk, who could not, for the life of them, understand why white women would wear this beautiful lacy, frilly, colorful garment underneath their dress, so they wore them over their dress.

my dad gave his gardener, an elderly gentleman, one of his suits that he did not wear anymore and a pair of shoes and socks. This man had never worn shoes in his entire life, nor a suit, but came to work the next day in the garden wearing it all....he was "da man"

Life is a matter of perspective....some people like to drive on the right side of the road, some like to drive on the left, and some that drive in the middle...

[MicHughV]

my first boat

[JoeRobertJr]

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar. The bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

A pair of quotes walks into a "bar".

A synonym walks into a tavern.

A hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

An oxymoron walks into a bar. The silence was deafening.

[Dave_S]

Something