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Old 15-04-2021, 20:20   #14836
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Re: The New Joke Thread

I was wondering how long before you corrected your mistake.


Throwing a bag of trash off the side of the boat... no, not funny.

Throwing an anchor... nope.

Throwing a mooring line... no.

Throwing his ex-wife... understandable, but offends the ex-wives.

Throwing all of the food and wine... really not funny!

Throwing a failed comedian over the side... getting warmer!

Throwing weighted bodies over the side... now *that's* a lot funnier than any of the other options!
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Old 15-04-2021, 20:53   #14837
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Throwing weighted bodies over the side... now *that's* a lot funnier than any of the other options!

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Old 15-04-2021, 20:55   #14838
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Throwing weighted bodies over the side... now *that's* a lot funnier than any of the other options!
Throwing UNweighted bodies over the side is poor form. They tend to bob to the surface where they smell bad, are unsightly and attract nuisance visits from the constabulary. Could be funny depending upon where you yourself are anchored and if the bodies attract flies.

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Old 15-04-2021, 22:11   #14839
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Cate View Post
Throwing UNweighted bodies over the side is poor form. They tend to bob to the surface where they smell bad, are unsightly and attract nuisance visits from the constabulary. Could be funny depending upon where you yourself are anchored and if the bodies attract flies.

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Old 16-04-2021, 01:33   #14840
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Re: The New Joke Thread


***

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Old 16-04-2021, 04:55   #14841
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by socaldmax View Post
I was wondering how long before you corrected your mistake.


Throwing a bag of trash off the side of the boat... no, not funny.

Throwing an anchor... nope.

Throwing a mooring line... no.

Throwing his ex-wife... understandable, but offends the ex-wives.

Throwing all of the food and wine... really not funny!

Throwing a failed comedian over the side... getting warmer!

Throwing weighted bodies over the side... now *that's* a lot funnier than any of the other options!
Yes, the psychology of humor is interesting.
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Old 16-04-2021, 09:21   #14842
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Re: The New Joke Thread

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.




======================================


I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"



========================================

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"


=======================================
Smith climbed to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asked the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replied, "A minute."
Smith asked, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replied, "A penny."
Smith asked, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replied, "In a minute."


================================
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"



======================================
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
=======================================
A man goes to see the Rabbi. '"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."






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Old 17-04-2021, 09:30   #14843
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Sex activates the sleep gland in men, and it activates the talk gland in women.
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Old 17-04-2021, 10:15   #14844
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Re: The New Joke Thread

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Old 17-04-2021, 10:22   #14845
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Re: The New Joke Thread

They come running...
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Old 17-04-2021, 11:20   #14846
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Well...
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Old 17-04-2021, 18:10   #14847
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Re: The New Joke Thread

no comment... [emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787]Click image for larger version

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Old 17-04-2021, 18:13   #14848
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Re: The New Joke Thread

This one time, at band camp...
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Old 17-04-2021, 18:24   #14849
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Re: The New Joke Thread

Uh oh...
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Old 17-04-2021, 18:25   #14850
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Re: The New Joke Thread

What?
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