The New Joke Thread

[Harmen]

Originally Posted by Buzzman

Just so we're clear - this is the *joke thread*, right...???

[wink]

Pangolin, bat, turtle, jabberwock.......

Speaking of pangolins.... I remember stopping for lunch at a restaurant somewhere halfway between Dalat and Saigon (HCMC) in August 1994, and one of the menu selections was.. wait for it.... PANGOLIN.....

[socaldmax]

Right...

[GordMay]

[GordMay]

***

***

[socaldmax]

Figures...

[socaldmax]

Win!!

[Bullshooter]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Right...

True story: My house was burglarized years ago, and the police came. We were looking around for what they had done and went in my older son's room. The cop said "It looks like they ransacked this room."

"Not really. It always looks like this."

[OutOfControl]

Went for a walk with my new girlfriend and we saw dogs mating.
She said: "How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?"

I replied: "He can smell she is ready . That's how nature works."

We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.
Again my girlfriend asked: "How does the ram knew when the ewe is ready for sex?"

I replied: "It's nature. He can smell she is ready."

We then went past a cow-field and the bull was mating with the cow.
My girlfriend said: "This is odd. They are really going at it. Surely the bull can't smell when she is ready?"

I said: "Oh, yes; it's nature . All animals can smell when the female is ready for sex."

Anyway, after the walk, I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye.
She said: "Take care and get yourself checked out for Covid-19.

Surprised, "Why do you say that?" I asked her.
She replied: "You seem to have lost your sense of smell."

[chrisr]

worried about the covid vaccines ? worry no more...







cheers,

[MollyJo]

True story
My first job was in a hardware store. I was young and very eager to please everyone who neared my department. One day a particularly attractive young lady asked if we had any upholstery tacks. I said “yes, let me show you”. I showed her the standard tacks and she said “I was hoping for something more decorative” and I innocently said “oh, you’re looking for the fancy head jobs”
Then I turned crimson.

[StuM]

Originally Posted by MollyJo

True story
My first job was in a hardware store. I was young and very eager to please everyone who neared my department. One day a particularly attractive young lady asked if we had any upholstery tacks. I said “yes, let me show you”. I showed her the standard tacks and she said “I was hoping for something more decorative” and I innocently said “oh, you’re looking for the fancy head jobs”
Then I turned crimson.

That cries out to be put to music:


Oh, I used to work in Chicago, in a big Deprtment Store
Oh I use to work in Chicago, I don't work there anymore.
A lady came in for some tacks, some tacks from the store,
Tacks she wanted, a head job she got,
I dont' work there anymore.

[socaldmax]

No kidding!

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by StuM

That cries out to be put to music:


Oh, I used to work in Chicago, in a big Deprtment Store
Oh I use to work in Chicago, I don't work there anymore.
A lady came in for some tacks, some tacks from the store,
Tacks she wanted, a head job she got,
I dont' work there anymore.

Found the perfect band fot the soundtrack[emoji1]

https://youtu.be/3028oDEKZo4

[socaldmax]

Fore!

[KnightSailor]

They are claiming that the Government is spending like a sailor. That is not true. I was a sailor, and I stopped spending when I ran out of money.