The New Joke Thread

[socaldmax]

Truth!

[Hope123]

Nice sharing all.

[GordMay]

***

[socaldmax]

An elderly married woman suffered a stroke and fell into a coma afterwards. Her devoted husband came to see her every day, holding her hand and talking to her, hoping she would come out of her coma.

One day, the nurse mentioned to him that every time his wife was getting a sponge bath, she would respond with moans and sounds every time her groin was washed. She suggested to the husband that perhaps some oral sex would speed up her recovery, since that was the only thing she responded to.

The next day, the lady's alarm bells went off and she appeared to be in cardiac arrest. They called a code blue and a crash cart team rushed in to resuscitate her, but she didn't make it. They asked the husband if he saw what happened leading to her cardiac event and he replied, "I don't know for sure. Kinda looked like she choked to death."

[socaldmax]

Understandable...

[socaldmax]

uh huh...

[socaldmax]

Figures...

[socaldmax]

That's my kid!

[socaldmax]

True story.

When we moved to HI, I tried to get my stepson into the best school in the area, but we were in a different school district. When the winter rolled around, he and 5 of his friends decided that they would go surfing every day instead of going to school. After a month of taking his books and lunch and pretending to go to school, the principal called me and told me he had skipped school for the entire month.

He told me he was going to expel the kid for missing that much school. I asked the principal how long it usually takes to inform parents when their kid misses a day and he said, "If they don't have a note from a parent, we call on the first day of missed classes." "Why did it take you an entire month to contact me?" "We lost your phone number." "You mean the phone number you just called which we are now talking on?" "Yes, we just found it and called you."

"So let me see if I have this straight. You're going to expel him from school, possibly ruin his life without a HS education, because you were incapable of properly filing my phone number? It doesn't sound like that difficult of a job to me, but since you couldn't do it, you're going to ruin his life?" "Well, yes, he missed an entire month of school." "Perhaps if you were capable of doing your job and contacting me the first day, he would have shown up for school on the 2nd day. Perhaps we need to have this conversation with the school superintendent, I think he would grasp my point better than you."

Suddenly, he was very interested in clearing up the matter without getting the superintendent involved. What we compromised on was transferring him to the better school district with no mention of the month long surf vacation.

[delmarrey]

How pop-ul-are can one be?

[Pelagic]

Bare back riding or a horse's ass

[GordMay]

[BlueH2Obound]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

True story.

When we moved to HI, I tried to get my stepson into the best school in the area, but we were in a different school district. When the winter rolled around, he and 5 of his friends decided that they would go surfing every day instead of going to school. After a month of taking his books and lunch and pretending to go to school, the principal called me and told me he had skipped school for the entire month.

He told me he was going to expel the kid for missing that much school. I asked the principal how long it usually takes to inform parents when their kid misses a day and he said, "If they don't have a note from a parent, we call on the first day of missed classes." "Why did it take you an entire month to contact me?" "We lost your phone number." "You mean the phone number you just called which we are now talking on?" "Yes, we just found it and called you."

"So let me see if I have this straight. You're going to expel him from school, possibly ruin his life without a HS education, because you were incapable of properly filing my phone number? It doesn't sound like that difficult of a job to me, but since you couldn't do it, you're going to ruin his life?" "Well, yes, he missed an entire month of school." "Perhaps if you were capable of doing your job and contacting me the first day, he would have shown up for school on the 2nd day. Perhaps we need to have this conversation with the school superintendent, I think he would grasp my point better than you."

Suddenly, he was very interested in clearing up the matter without getting the superintendent involved. What we compromised on was transferring him to the better school district with no mention of the month long surf vacation.

Pretty much sounds like the schools on Oahu while we were stationed there. That's why my wife home schooled our kids . . .

[Montanan]

E Pluribus Unum

[socaldmax]

Beyond blonde...