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**boatman61** · 01-07-2022, 08:32

A Democrat and a Republican are walking down the street together when they happen across a homeless man.

The Republican reaches into his pocket and pulls out $20 and his business card. He gives the $20 to the homeless man and then gives him his business card and instructs the homeless man to call him for a job.

Democrat: “Why did you do that.”
Republican: “Because it feels good to help people. You should try it.”
Democrat: “I think I will.”

As the Democrat and Republican continue walking, they happen across another homeless man.

This time the Democrat reaches into the pocket of the Republican and pulls out $100. He then reaches into his own pocket and pulls out three business cards. He gives the homeless man the $100 and hands him the three business cards. He tells the homeless man, “Here’s $100. This first business card is an attorney who will help you sue the people who put you on the street. This second business card is the head of a TV station, I’m sure they would be very interested in your story of suing those responsible for your condition. This third business card is mine, in case you need more help.

The Democrat and the Republican continue walking.

The Democrat turns to the Republican and says, “You’re right! That felt pretty good!”

The Republican just shakes his head.

**boatman61** · 01-07-2022, 08:34

She was a Corbynite Labour activist, and he was a tenth-generation Tory
But in spite of their political differences, they found each other irresistible, and after a whirlwind romance, they arranged the wedding for a romantic day in the run-up to Christmas.

As it turned out, there was a surprise call for a General Election and their mid-week wedding day coincided with the eve of polling day itself. Which was all very well, but at the reception they got into a furious argument about politics, and by the time they got to the hotel, they weren't on speaking terms. Fuming, they both got changed and into bed and turned the lights out.

But after a while she started to think that this was a waste of their one and only wedding night, and she nudged her bridegroom and whispered "Darling, there's a split in the Labour Party, and if the Conservative member stood now, he'd get in easily."

And he growled "You're too late -- he already stood as an Independent and lost his deposit!"

**boatman61** · 01-07-2022, 08:36

I asked my friend’s little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

Both her parents, Labour supporters, were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?”

She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.”

Her parents beamed, and said, “Welcome to the Labour Party!”

“Wow…what a worthy goal!” I told her. I continued, “But you don’t have to wait until you’re Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house, mow the lawn, pull weeds, sweep my drive and I’ll pay you £25. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out. You can give him the £25 to use toward food.”

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work and you can just pay him the £25?”

I smiled and said:

"Welcome to the Conservative Party.”

Jeffrey1950 · 01-07-2022, 11:48

JAFO · 01-07-2022, 18:19

The problem with Political Jokes is, they get elected.

JAFO · 01-07-2022, 20:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by JoetheCobbler

/storage/emulated/0/Download/05eb2566c986eab4.jpg

Well, that didn't go as planned, did it?

ChrisJHC · 01-07-2022, 20:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by boatman61

I asked my friend’s little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

Both her parents, Labour supporters, were standing there, so I asked her, “If you were Prime Minister what would be the first thing you would do?”

She replied, “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.”

Her parents beamed, and said, “Welcome to the Labour Party!”

“Wow…what a worthy goal!” I told her. I continued, “But you don’t have to wait until you’re Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house, mow the lawn, pull weeds, sweep my drive and I’ll pay you £25. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out. You can give him the £25 to use toward food.”

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work and you can just pay him the £25?”

I smiled and said:

"Welcome to the Conservative Party.”

An alternate ending:

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why don’t you give me the £25 and I’ll pay the homeless guy £20 to do the jobs?”

I smiled and said:

"Welcome to the Conservative Party.”

MicHughV · 02-07-2022, 05:36

Biden decides to go to Greece for a vacation.

He arrives at his hotel, and gives the hotel receptionist $400 as a deposit on his room, and asks for the key to see and inspect the room.

While he is upstairs, the receptionist takes the $400 and runs around the corner to pay of his bookie for an earlier horse racing bet.

The bookie, in turn, takes the $400, runs around the corner to pay off the hooker for a previous nights dalliance.

The hooker takes the $400 to the hotel, and gives it to the receptionists for usage of hotel rooms for her playtime.

About this time, Biden comes back downstairs, says he doesn't like the room, and the receptionist gives him his $400 back.

All debts have been paid, and Biden has his money back. That's Bideneconomics.

Sand crab · 02-07-2022, 05:53

Trump walks into a library...........

Oh, never mind.

goboatingnow · 02-07-2022, 05:53

A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus.

While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock.

“What’s that there for?” he asks.

Jesus says “that’s Mother Teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied.”

“Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.”

“Where is Donald Trump’s clock?” asks the man.

Jesus answers: “It’s in my office, I’m using it as a ceiling fan.”

**Wotname** · 02-07-2022, 16:26

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OutOfControl · 02-07-2022, 19:13

Teacher arrested at JFK Airport....

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a "slide-rule," as well as a code device called an "abacus" that he claimed was a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "Al-Gebra has terrorized many young people for years. They derive solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values”.

"They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we've determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.”

"As the Greek philosopher Isosceles once said, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.’ "

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Biden said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by a President at any time in all of history. ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, NBC proclaimed Biden has solved yet another problem created by Trump.