WMI Theorist arrested...

[Canibul]

NEW YORK- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession
of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule
and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not
identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by
means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute
value. They use secret code names like 'x'
and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they
belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As
the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every
triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted

us to have better
weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."_________________

[Sunspot Baby]

Wonderful!

[Harriet]

What a hoot! Thanks.

That is one of the most intelligent and hillarious jokes I heard in a long time. Of course, these days, I hope it was a joke

[coot]

I thought it was serious until I got to the part about Al-Gebra. I once alarmed an airline security checkpoint with my plastic sextant. They seemed disturbed by the x-ray image, but didn't want to open the box until I offered to open it for them -- then they didn't want me anywhere near it. To think they might freak out about a protractor and slide rule doesn't seem that far-fetched.

How many of them even know what a slide rule is. (Or a sextant for that matter)

[Canibul]

Glad y'all liked the joke. Actually the "slide rule" bit has some significance for me. You see, I inherited a small but respectable amount of family money when I was young, and rather than spend it I invested it in the K+E slide rule company. Figured mathamaticians and geeks would ALWAYS need their slide rules, clipped to their belt in their little leather holsters...right?

Well, wrong. Two years after I invested TI came out with the electronic calculator...Never catch on, I said, but I moved what was left of my inheritance. "Communications!" I thought to myself. Yeah, thats the ticket. So I put a few million into a company that manufactured the punch tapes for telex machines...you know, the long yellow paper rolls you punched the holes in....
Then someone came up with the fax machine, and suddenly I owned six warehouses full of teletype paper...

Well, I managed to get out of that market with just a little bit of money left, by having the paper shredded into six hundred thousand pounds of cat litter, but needed a new investment so this time I decided not to become obsolete and put it all into that nice Loran C navigation system....

man, since GPS came out, I lost almost everything. But I did manage to move a few hundred thousand shares into rotary dial telephones....I have great hopes for that....

[zippy]

That's a prime example of how violence factors into the equation, they take everything to the nth degree. Next thing you know, you end up with more unknowns than statements and the whole thing becomes unsolveable.

[Canibul]

Yeah, I could never figure all the angles on guys like that. Factoring in their calculating mannerisms, they just never seemed to add up. Could never equate their variable attitude with the obtuse interpolations. And then there's the subgroup thats always off on a tangent...

[Doghouse]

fantastic, LOL!!

[Canibul]

would never ask one of them to cosign a loan, for example....they just go on and on about it, to the nth degree....calculating little bastards...

canibul, you sound like the perfect financial wizard to "invest" in a boat
Oh, and I just am old enough to remember when TI came out with that calculator. I took the challenge, and was able to prove, at least for simple equations, the slide rule was faster. It's been a year or two (dozen) since I used one, but I bet I can still figure it out.
I do, however, have a business venture for you. How about, the rotary cell phone

[Canibul]

yeah, I am a classic case of "a fool and his money are soon partied..."

Sometimes it feels like all my dollar bills are magnets with just a south pole....they repel each other and scatter in different directions..

[Alan Wheeler]

I can assure you it aint south that they head. :-)

[Canibul]

I dont know where it heads to, I hardly even get a chance to get to know it very well.
but you are right, all my lawyers, ex-wives, kids and stepkids are up North in the USA...