Landlocked in Vermont

[dfelsent]

My wife and I agree. Not being a sailor would be a relationship dealbreaker for either of us. We are both multi generational sailors who grew up on the water from childhood. As did our parents. And their parents.
Dogs are in the same category for us too. Don’t like dogs? Forget it.
We all have relationship needs. We can learn new skills and fit another’s needs but letting go of your own needs is really really hard. And not always a good idea.
So I’d advise both partners in a sailing couple should be sailors. Don’t have to start there, but you will be happier if you both get there.
Kinda like anything. But a bit more all consuming than a lot of other life choices.

[Adelie]

Originally Posted by dreamer1

Well you have all given me plenty of food for thought. As I am reading through The Voyagers Handbook by Beth Leonard, I have to believe there is hope.

Other Generalist books I would suggest reading (Underlined first):

By Lin & Larry Pardey-
-Self Sufficient Sailor
-The Capable Cruiser
-The Cost Conscious Cruiser

By Fatty Goodlander
- Buy, Outfit, Sail
-Cruising Boat Basics

By Rick Page
-Get Real, Get Gone
-Stay Real, Stay Gone

-Voyaging On A Small Income by Annie Hill
-Ocean Cruising on a Budget by Anne Hammick
-Managing your Bluewater Cruise by Burke & Buchanan
-Poop, Booze & Bikinis by Ed Robinson
-How NOT to Buy a Cruising Boat by A&TJ Akey
-Bluewater Sailing on a Budget by Effers
-Cruising for Cowards by L&A Copeland

If you progress and the dream survives there are lists of books I can provide for specific topics such as:
Rules of the Road
Navigation
Anchoring
Provisioning & Cooking
....

[Scrosby]

Having raced and cruised all kinds of sail boats on Lake Champlain, just go to the sailing center in Burlington and take some lessons. Hang out at a yacht club and learn by crewing on races. The lake will throw at you all kinds of weather and it is not landlocked. Brought 2 of my boats up the canal from Connecticut and with the mast down either way, you can go north to Montreal.
Go learn and have fun with your wife and stop watching YouTube, not real. Just my 2 cents, a licensed sailor for decades, about to head south for the winter.

[RedneckRedcoat]

As a YouTuber I’m not going to tell you to not watch you tube but you also have to be realistic about what you are watching many of the big channels are selling a lifestyle and a product. People watch to live precariously though them. Many of the smaller channels are infact more realistic, it’s not always sun and beaches and catching your dinner.

My wife and I had no sailing experience before we decided to research and find out about full time cruising. I’m a geek and do IT consultancy for Fortune 500 companies , my wife is a Veteran we lived I. Oklahoma which is land locked.

We took an ASA 101 class , sailed on a lake for a year with a 27 foot boat (every weekend, even when the weather was bad and every holidays ) we learnt to tac on a 6 square mile lake in 20 knot winds.

We then bought a 40foot sailboat that most would scoff at for sailing the Bahamas as it has a deep draft. But she’s been brilliant , sails fast and is very very stable in the ocean.

We took the 103 and 104 on the newly acquired 40 foot sailboat.

Three years later we are still on the boat have just clocked 5000 nautical miles and about to sail from Norfolk to the Bahamas whilst also working as a full time IT consultant and with three teenage kids.

People we know that started out at the same time as us have either sold their boats and gone back to land life or started to sail further than the Bahamas.

The first 18 months on board is going to be hell on you and your wife. The first time you’re in a major storm, the first time you drag at anchor in the middle of the night. The first time the engine dies as you’re coming into a Harbour/Port.

I’ve never read the book but I believe the O’Kelly’s have written a marriage guidance book called “Get her on board “

Communication is going to be the key and I must admit I’m not a very good communicator and my wife has the patience of a saint.

So my advice is get a small boat 25-27 feet learn to sail it. See if you actually like it. See if she actually likes it. Talk to people that are full time cruisers. Join a sailing club. To be honest the sailing part is relatively easy , it’s the weather and navigation that are the harder parts . Or in my case the mechanical maintenance, the electronics I can do hands down.

Welcome to the dream and good luck.

[Shrew]

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Keep the house, buy a boat and spend 6 months in each. We've been doing that for 4 1/2 years and it's a good compromise. You're in Vt, so summers on the boat, and Winters skiing.

We spend 6 months in our house in Florida and 6 Months on our boat in Rhode Island.

[jimellifritt]

Happy wife Happy life. Wise words above

[Tanqueray]

Originally Posted by dreamer1

Hello, just thought I would introduce myself here. I'm 51 year old dreamer from Vermont. About a year ago I happened upon the Cruisers lifestyle on YouTube and I've been dreaming ever since. I'm ready to sell the house and buy a sailboat and adventure to every nook and cranny on the globe. The big stopper is my wife. Unfortunately she doesn't share my dream and she doesn't want to sell the house. I've set up a 5 year plan in my mind but it is impossible without her cooperation. How do I change her mind?

I've never sailed, but am planning on something in the 22 foot range for next summer. Of course I will only be on some of Vermont's beautiful lakes but it will get me going. Meanwhile I continue to live through everyone else's v-logs and shall continue to dream.

Within 3 years my intentions are to buy a bluewater boat and have a couple of years for the refit. In 5 years...I shall live the dream...

How close to Lake Champlain are you?

My brother in law lives in Burlington…Lake Champlain looks like a great place to sail.

My wife won’t cruise with me either

I make do day sailing on Lake Michigan with an occasional weekend on the hook.

Greg

[JPA Cate]

Let me introduce myself: I'm Ann. I'm a long term cruising woman (ladies have long fingernails and wear spike heels--of course there ARE exceptions). I came to sailing through outdoorsy activities, hiking, swimming, backpacking. So I had a "leg up" over someone who has led a citified life.

My husband, Jim, and I met aboard a boat I was crewing on, introduced by a woman friend to the skipper after my ex left. And during my ~ 45 yrs of cruising coastally and internationally, I have been an interested observer.

For people who start cruising over the age of 50 yrs., what Chotu wrote is correct: most women will want some kind of a pied a terre , and will also be interested in grand-children, or surrogate grandchildren. There may even be a genetic advantage to having such an internal program. The only reason a woman would consent to go anywhere with someone who doesn't know what he is doing would have to be some balance that matters to her that would be worth the risk.

Now, what does seem to work is small steps. One of the first is learning to cope with the discomforts. Trente Pieds did something right with introducing his Beloved to sailing. Jim did a whole lot of teaching me. His benefits were that eventually, he could trust me so much he could sleep off watch, and companionship. Mine were that I could trust him, sleep off watch, and I really enjoy his company, most of the time, and I enjoy traveling. We do not have 100% agreement on everything. Our values are similar, and that helps.

One way to get to small steps is a small trailer sailer, to test the waters, learn the rules that pertain to sailing. Another thing that helps is having any lessons separately. This neatly avoids things like the husband being invested in her being perfect [whatever that is to him] at a time in her life where she really wants his approval. Move him out of the picture, and whatever kind of group, mixed or all women, she learns in, will remove one huge obstacle to her having fun. If what she has is not "fun" for her, she won't stick.

Even when you get old and feeble (it happens to all who survive to great age), one of you will tire before the other. People don't think about it very much, or talk about it if they do, but even your own two knee transplants are not the same, and it's your own two legs! "Lived happily ever after" is possible, but has concomitant downsides, one of which is that no matter how close you are, and how much you really DO care about each other, your two fates are not the same. For instance, I'm way more sensitive to motion and motion sickness than Jim. He's pretty much bulletproof. I require drugs.

So try sailing in a way that does not frighten the budget or the lady. Find out from her what might make it fun for her? Does she like swimming, fishing, driving a dinghy fast?

"how do I get her to change her mind?" FUN, and knowledge will help, if it is to be, at all.

You might benefit from answering the question to yourself, "Is this a mid-life crisis for me?" "why is this dream so important to me just now?" "what do my inner values think is best for me now?" and think critically about the whole issue of the You tubes selling vicarious thrills for clicks, and how that affects what is depicted. Would you want the tourism bureau in charge of weather forecasting? Doing that will set you up to at least be able to explain why it is important now in a way your good lady wife may be able to hear.

We've another member here who may chime in, Fred from Wings, calls himself <wingless>. He can be quite eloquent. He says flexibility is key, and I know for darned sure it is important, too.

Ann

[mvweebles]

Who's to say you'll still want to do it after you've spent a couple years bombing around Champlain and the nearby waters? Your dream will undoubtedly adjust. Why push the end goal now? You've got a decent ramp-plan, start it and see how it goes. Give yourself and your wife some time to find what works for each of you.

BTW - power boats may not get you around the world (with few exceptions), but they can get you a very long distance. And they are a helluva a lot more amenable to recalcitrant boaters than a 30-foot sailboat. Even a bluewater one (especially the old school types the OP dreams of).

I was just thinking today "funny how those YouTube channels rarely show the inside of the boat......just the beautiful vistas).

[David Mathis]

You aren’t alone. My wife loved boating until the day we were married. Then the boat bedroom was too small. So I bought a trawler with a big master which included standing room and a vanity. That was too slow so I bought the present boat, a 43’ with a cruise speed of 23 - 25 knots, lots of room,full galley with a big freezer, twin air conditioners, etc. then she decided she didn’t like boating.
Now I spend summers on lake Champlain in Burlington with my 12 year old grandson and she heads to Florida for the winter whileistay in upstate New York and work, plow snow, or relax in the hot tub.
Sometimes I would like to have someone on board to enjoy a nice candle light dinner with a glass of champagne while watching the sunset but at least we’re on the boat.
If she doesn’t like boating, don’t force the issue or you’ll both be miserable and the fond boating memories will be nonexistent. Find a friend to cruise the lake with.

[Kolchac]

You sell your house and buy a boat. What are you going to do, if it is not for you? You will not be able to sell the boat and buy a house (at least reasonable) for sure. Think about where and how you are going to work, you will not be able to anchor at anywhere you want, boat maintenance is a big money.
You can find a boat about 30’ for $5,000-15,000, even for free, but you will need a lot of work and money to make it ready for sailing.
Lakes are not place for sailboats, buy a boat in RI - good place to learn sailing. Buy a boat for keeping it for long, you will learn to handle 40’ as quickly as 24’. Think about 34-38’.
Do not sell the house!

[Bullshooter]

My advice is to get that small boat and learn to sail it well. Then gradually learn to charter larger boats on bareboat charters. I have been on enough charters, some as long as 3 weeks, to realize that full time cruising is really not for me or my wife. I have enough fun on my nearly annual charters in various locations to scratch that itch. I don’t have to sweat the maintenance work, insurance, hurricane worries, etc.

I still admire the full time cruisers and envy the adventure to some extent. But the more I read about leaking thru-hulls, fiberglass repair, re-wiring, marina fees, anchor chain replacement, etc. etc. etc. I know that I have found my niche.

I recommend watching more videos about extensive boat repairs. Plus find out on a 10 day charter if your wife - or even you- can stand living on a boat full time for even short time periods.

Good luck and by all means get that first small boat and learn to sail. That part will surely be fun and rewarding!

[gonesail]

if you are close to retirement .. that might make a difference with your wife. most people downsize then and the boat just might make more sense

[MJH]

Originally Posted by dreamer1

Hello, just thought I would introduce myself here. I'm 51 year old dreamer from Vermont. About a year ago I happened upon the Cruisers lifestyle on YouTube and I've been dreaming ever since. I'm ready to sell the house and buy a sailboat and adventure to every nook and cranny on the globe. The big stopper is my wife. Unfortunately she doesn't share my dream and she doesn't want to sell the house. I've set up a 5 year plan in my mind but it is impossible without her cooperation. How do I change her mind?

I've never sailed, but am planning on something in the 22 foot range for next summer. Of course I will only be on some of Vermont's beautiful lakes but it will get me going. Meanwhile I continue to live through everyone else's v-logs and shall continue to dream.

Within 3 years my intentions are to buy a bluewater boat and have a couple of years for the refit. In 5 years...I shall live the dream...

I was almost 38, recently promoted, and had a desire for a boat...just a runabout would have been fine. My wife at the time and I went to Sausalito, CA for the day and she fell in love with all the sailboats, so did I. So we bought a new 22' Tanzer fixed keel sailboat and I enrolled us in a USCG auxiliary boating class for instruction for the whole family...I was the only one to finish. I soon was the only one taking the boat out and learning how to sail. She was IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA but not with what it took to sail. My twin sons lost interest as well...lesson learned: have your kids learn through a supervised course with other kids, don't try to teach them.

So, there is a very large gap between desire and reality. You have not met reality yet and are a long way away from sailing Bluewater.

Get started and then revisit you desires and the totality of what it is going to take to fulfill them.

Forty-four years later I'm on my second wife and third sailboat, having sailed throughout British Columbia numerous times, Vancouver Island circumnavigation, Alaska twice , and roundtrip to Hawaii with crew. However, I've fallen short of my desire to sail to New Zealand, Australia, and one trip around the world solo with the years I have remaining. Such is life.

Good Luck.

[squarpeg]

It’s a cool dream, I wouldn’t get wrapped up in distant plans at the moment. I’m a Vermonter myself. I have a boat in Fla I spend winters on. Been boating a long time. My wife and I spent a lot of winters in the Bahamas. Something that I have learned is boating is or can be quite scary and difficult. While my wife has been a great sport about it, no way is she going to be talked into going around the world. There are easier safer and cheaper ways to travel. There is no way I’d let her go because she didn’t want to sail the world. My suggestion like others is to just get a cheap small boat. Lake Champlain is a sailor’s lake. What a joy. I have a Catalina 22 sitting in the woods I used to sail up there. Come tow it away and you can start your journey