New guy, same story

[CSY Man]

Hello folks.

I joined this here place a few days ago but forgot to introduce myself.

White male, 46 years old, have cruising boat, but wife ain't interested in that kind of lifestyle, so no cruising, no selling everything and no letting go.

Did something similar when I was a handsome lad of 29 years old and had just moved from Alaska to the Virgin Islands in the 80s.

Never sailed in my life, but thought it looked neat, so I bought a 44' Bill Trip yawl in St. Croix and moved aboard with my wife..(Ex-wife now)
Sailed and lived on the ship for 3 years and enjoyed it.

Now got a mid-life crises and want to do it again.

Pretty tired of living on land, endless stream of bills and lawn care and working and all that........

[CaptJason]

Hi

Are you sure you aren't me? That story sounds so close to what I am going through. I have one differance. I told my wife that when I "graduate" from my job I AM moving my boat to the sea and I would love so her to come along, but it is not required. I hope you can get things worked out so your life is what you really want it to be.... Jim

[CSY Man]

Hi Capt Jason.

Well, don't know that the old lady is going to change her mind.
Been trying to talk her into it for 5 years.....No cigar.
Yet she enjoys the 3 week mini-cruises we do to the Exumas and Berries in the Bahamas, she just don't want to do it full time.

The house and car and the bills are too important....Afraid of the un-known I guess..

Too bad, I will miss her...

[Stede]

Why is it that you always read about guys wanting to take off and cruise,and never the other way around? Any ladies out there care to enlighten us? I'm sure there are many factors, but in my opinion,most women want to have some type of roots somewhere.My situation is some what different than the others described.I've worked for a company for 23 yrs.I'm 9 years away from what is considered a full retirement because of my age-46.I struggle every day trying to decide on whether to wait it out until I retire to go cruising,or to go sooner.If I were to go now,money would be very tight and I would have to work along the way.I'm in good physical shape now,so that's some what of a motivator.If I wait until retirement age,I'll be in better financial shape,but I'll also be older, and maybe not in as good of shape.This months issue of "Cruising World" has an article about people facing these types of dilemmas.Apparently because technology is making it easier,and easier to cruise long distances,more people are taking sabbaticals during there 40's to go cruising.They plan on dealing with lifes other issues later.Due to some other circumstances in my life,I really don't have much of a choice for at least three more years,but it sure would be great to hear from some of you cruisers out there with opinions on the issue.Thanks!

[SailorLiz]

that wants to cruise the rest of my life. We have purchased a boat and are refitting it for cruising. We are working on our finances for an early retirement and raising our youngest daughter (we have two other grown daughters) who is a senior in H.S. this year. She has plans on going to college. As soon as she is financially on her own we will take off then. We will be retiring in our early 50's. I would love to go now, but feel I can't "desert" our daughter. As far as why I want to do this? I think it is just in my blood. I love being on the water, sailing and traveling to other places via the "boat"

[Stede]

SailorLiz,

Thanks for your reply.You and your husband sound like you're in a similar stage of life that I am.I have two sons that have flown the coup. One is in the Army,and the other is in the Air Force.My daughter is in high school now,and like your daughter, plans on attending college.As soon as she's out on her own,I'll decide whether or not to take off and cruise full time. I wish the time was closer in some ways, but then again,I don't want to wish my life away before it happens.Good luck with your plans!

[CSY Man]

Sailor Liz:

Do you have a sister......?

Rare to find womenfolk that want to go anywhere. (Except to Macy's or Saks Fifth Avenue)

Seems women have some kind of nesting instinct?

We have no children and no other ties, finances are so-so, but the boat is paid for and if we sold everything, we could cruise for quite a few years, but the financial nest egg would not be there.

Then again, one could get run over by a truck tomorrow, or get cancer the next day, so I am not so sure that the nest egg is the key to a happy and long life...

More questions than answers, but the mid-life crisis sure is itching.....

[GordMay]

This thread ‘speaks’ to me.

In 1992 Maggie & I (in our early 40's) quit our jobs, sold our house to our 23 year old daughter (Laurie), and took off for a couple years of cruising.

In 1996, we hosted our daughter’s wedding, at Staniel Cay, Bahamas. Guess what happened in 1997? Our grandson, Jordan was born.

Maggie had to increase her travel “home” (to visit Laurie & JORDAN), to 3 times/year, while they came South once/yr. Turns out, this didn’t provide enough time /w Jordan!

After 9 great years cruising & liveaboard, we put “Southbound” up for sale - and returned to Thunder Bay, in time for Christmas of 2000.

Now:
We’ve got no boat, & no home; but:
I’ve got a job and a wife who’s reluctant to get back ‘out there’ , and
Maggie’s got a “best friend” (Jordan), and a husband who’s ‘gotta get out of here’.
We’ve, both, got a great bunch of memories, declining health, and no realistic plan to get back out there, any time soon

I can relate to some of the previous postings!!!

Regards,
Gord

[CSY Man]

Aye, another one.

Join the club Mr.GordMay.

Many a times I thought of a solution to this problem and have come up with the following:

Take yer best buddy, the guy that likes sailing and cruising as much as ya do, the guy who drinks as much beer as ya do and can tell stories and lie as much as ya can. Take him to the hospital and give him a sex-change, then marry him, uh her, THEN take off cruising with yer new bride.
That should solve the problem of the reluctant wife and the "staying home" syndrome, because we all know that if mama ain't happy, nobody ain't happy...

That being said, I must admit that none of my buddies have volunteered for the operation and that the above may work in theory only.....

Any other ideas out there....?

[Stede]

CSY man,

I don't think your idea would work for me.Watching my "bride"shave in the morning would be a real turn off for me!

[CSY Man]

Stede:

Well, don't knock it 'till ya tried it.....

Ya, there is som drawbacks to this program, I will admit that, but uh, think of the benefits...

The thought of finding 2 younger women, say about 23 or so, that likes to sail top-less, loves cooking and cleaning as well as boat-maintenance and mature men, has also crossed my mind...

No luck so far, but one must never give up....

[Stede]

Reading some of the comments has inspired me to share some of my own circumstances.I don't like to talk about it much for various reasons,but here goes.My wife has never been much on sailing.She has a severe problem with motion sickness.Even so, she has sailed with me on several charter trips.She would wear the patch,take the Dramamine,etc.,but would still usually end up sea sick.Her courage,and love for me is unquestionable. About 5 years ago,she was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer.Even though the prognosis isn't good,through her faith and courage she's holding her own.Times are tough.She understands my need to sail,and continues to encourage me to do so.We've tried to do a balancing act between my supporting her through her illness, and her supporting me with my sailing need.The last several years I've sailed my 26 footer single-handed on various offshore trips.Sailing single-handed gives you plenty of time to think.Accessing what is really important to you becomes clearer.As much as I love to sail,my top priorities are her and my family.Three months ago,doctors discovered that my sister-in-law has an inoperable cancerous brain tumor.They only give her months to live.The doctors told her "if there's anything you want to do,do it now."When my brother told me this,I thought how sad it is that only when it comes down to the final stages of our life that we consider what we really want to do.The reason I wanted to share this with you all is this: Don't delay your plans because of the small stuff.Be true to your family and friends,but be true to yourself.If you were told today,that you need to do the things you want to do right away,where would you be? Fair winds to you!

[GordMay]

To STEDE:
AMEN BROTHER.
You have my empathy for your situation(s), and my respect for how you're dealling with them.
All the best,
Gord

[CSY Man]

Stede:

Sad story Bro.

Don't know if there is a happy ending to this story, but perhaps there was not supposed to be one: Life is not like Hollywood, the fairy tales or the advertising world.

My hat off to you and the brave mate, keep sailing and keep hoping: Occasionaly there is a nice surprise over the horizon...

Fair winds.....

[RoeLaren]

Why is it that you men will NEVER get it?? Most women need to have their feet firmly planted on solid ground once in awhile. Do you guys ONLY think of yourselves?