Negativity on Sailing Your Own Boat (RANT)

[zeehag]

i figgered those who have flak from family and friends needed a gooood bolstering.... figgered the video would lend a lil light....mebbe even help the argument a tad.....

[denverd0n]

It's not all just negativity. Yeah, there's a lot of that out there. But then, there are also a lot of people with ridiculously unrealistic dreams. I mean, almost weekly we see someone come on here and say something along the lines of...

"I have $5,000 in savings, I've never been sailing before, but I have decided to buy a boat and sail around the world. Please tell me what sailboat is best (yesterday I looked at a really nice Hunter 22) and how I should invest my money to support me while cruising for the next five years."

Let's face it, someone who is being that pie-in-the-sky really NEEDS to hear some cold, hard facts. And when they do, they are probably going to take it as "negativity."

Okay, so that's a bit of an exaggeration, but really, only a bit. Getting a boat ready for cruising the world is not nearly as easy, or as cheap, as a lot of people would like to believe. I don't think we do them any favors when we sugar-coat it and try to encourage them to "go for it" if they are being unrealistic in their expectations. They need to hear the truth. Even when the truth might be somewhat discouraging.

So the trick is that you have to be able to separate the negativity for negativity's sake (which usually comes from people who haven't got the courage to get out there themselves and are just trying to project that onto you) from the realistic comments from people who are just trying be honest and helpful (even though they may SOUND like they're being negative).

And besides that, like I said before, if your dreams can't stand up to a little bit of negativity from the nay-sayers, then the truth is that you probably don't have the dedication that you need to see it through anyway. If the negativity is really bothering you that much, maybe you should think about why that is.

[Jim Cate]

Originally Posted by denverd0n

It's not all just negativity. Yeah, there's a lot of that out there. But then, there are also a lot of people with ridiculously unrealistic dreams. I mean, almost weekly we see someone come on here and say something along the lines of...

"I have $5,000 in savings, I've never been sailing before, but I have decided to buy a boat and sail around the world. Please tell me what sailboat is best (yesterday I looked at a really nice Hunter 22) and how I should invest my money to support me while cruising for the next five years."

Let's face it, someone who is being that pie-in-the-sky really NEEDS to hear some cold, hard facts. And when they do, they are probably going to take it as "negativity."

Okay, so that's a bit of an exaggeration, but really, only a bit. Getting a boat ready for cruising the world is not nearly as easy, or as cheap, as a lot of people would like to believe. I don't think we do them any favors when we sugar-coat it and try to encourage them to "go for it" if they are being unrealistic in their expectations. They need to hear the truth. Even when the truth might be somewhat discouraging.

So the trick is that you have to be able to separate the negativity for negativity's sake (which usually comes from people who haven't got the courage to get out there themselves and are just trying to project that onto you) from the realistic comments from people who are just trying be honest and helpful (even though they may SOUND like they're being negative).

And besides that, like I said before, if your dreams can't stand up to a little bit of negativity from the nay-sayers, then the truth is that you probably don't have the dedication that you need to see it through anyway. If the negativity is really bothering you that much, maybe you should think about why that is.

DD, I think that you have said it well, and I agree completely.

The simple advice to "just do it" when referring to difficult or hazardous enterprises is pretty dangerous to the recipient and often comes from those who have not done so themselves!

And actually, I suspect that one finds very few of the folks who will be successful at the "buy a boat and sail RTW" thing are wasting their time on the internet seeking advice on their dream. Perhaps asking specific questions, but not seeking reinforcement for their vague "plans".

Those who will be successful don't need much encouragement, and encouraging the others won't lead to their success.

Cheers,

Jim

[neilsailingrn]

Just smile and invite them to go for a sail.

[Don1500]

Just smile, get in your boat, and sail.

[nv5l]

So, did you get the boat? How was the trip?

[Bruce626]

"But then, there are also a lot of people with ridiculously unrealistic dreams." ==> Yes, but being one of those people, it is better to hear encouragement than cold water. My catamaran has recently been launched and rigged here in the Philippines and I am now working on outfitting it for coastal cruising - yes, I am likely too old, and yes, I have minimal experience, and yes, I have a scarcity of funding - but I am not getting any younger or richer and I figure that the experience will come while I am sailing. Only time will tell if I am an idiot or not - but at least I will have given it a shot before it is time for the long dirt nap.

[tiburon]

My uncle was a merchant marine in WWII and afterward wanted to buy a boat and sail the world. He spent the better part of his life studying everything related to sailing. He knew a lot more about navigation, weather and boat design then I ever will, but I bought a boat and went sailing and he never did. The difference between us was that he knew he could not keep the dream alive after buying a boat and the dream was the most important thing to him. I never had a dream, it was just something I decided one day to do, and seldom do I regret the decision.

I think maybe folks that dream well, but "do" poorly, believe thay are attempting to stop you from doing poorly and therefore seem negative. It's a reflection of how they feel about themselves not you.

I am happy that we have a great sailing community and wish you the best of luck making your passage through life.

[denverd0n]

Originally Posted by Bruce626

"But then, there are also a lot of people with ridiculously unrealistic dreams." ==> Yes, but being one of those people, it is better to hear encouragement than cold water.

No, it's not.

First, when you sail far from land, if you are not prepared for reality then there is a very real possibility that you will DIE! Do you honestly want us to blow smoke up your backside, and make you feel good about unrealistic dreams, even if that means you go unprepared and DIE!?! Sorry, but if that is what you want, you're going to have to make your own dumb decisions. I'm not going to help you.

Second, and most important, if your dreams are really so flimsy that any little bit of cold water is going to destroy them, as I already said, you're already doomed. If the least bit of negativity is all it takes to shatter your dreams then how well do you think they're going to hold up to the harsh realities of the world? You need dreams that can withstand a heck of a lot more than a little bit of truth from some strangers on the internet or else you ain't goin' anywhere anyway!

No, what you need to hear is not encouragement. Your encouragement needs to come from within. What you need to hear is the truth. If the truth sounds too much like "negativity" to you then forget about sailing the world and go back to your TV. If you can ignore the harshness of this post and still cling to your dreams then maybe--just maybe--they will sustain you through the challenges ahead.

(Don't tell anyone, but I hope your dreams ARE strong enough. Those are the best kind of dreams. The kind of dreams that crumble under a little discouragement weren't worth dreaming about in the first place.)

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by Bruce626

"But then, there are also a lot of people with ridiculously unrealistic dreams." ==> Yes, but being one of those people, it is better to hear encouragement than cold water. My catamaran has recently been launched and rigged here in the Philippines and I am now working on outfitting it for coastal cruising - yes, I am likely too old, and yes, I have minimal experience, and yes, I have a scarcity of funding - but I am not getting any younger or richer and I figure that the experience will come while I am sailing. Only time will tell if I am an idiot or not - but at least I will have given it a shot before it is time for the long dirt nap.

If you were really too old you would know it and you would not be doing this.

I started sailing at age 61. I took a beginning sail class and within a month had bought a boat. Hey -- I'd just had breast cancer. What was I going to wait for -- ANOTHER refrigerator to fall on me?

I'm going to be 66 in a few weeks. I've moved on to a bigger boat and am now living on it. There are still people at the club who remember only the woman who didn't know how to sail when she first signed up for sail school. Well, DUH ... that's why I went!

You're right to keep to coastal cruising. I suggest you hire a good sailor to take you out on your new boat an give you a jump start on how to handle it ... and learn how to interpret the weather reports so you minimize the risk of being caught out in more than you can handle.

I also heartily recommend the book SAILING FOR DUMMIES. I read it, and it basically saved my ass one day. Then a year later, I read it again and it was very heartening -- because I had learned so much in that year.

So how old are you?

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by denverd0n

No, it's not.

First, when you sail far from land, if you are not prepared for reality then there is a very real possibility that you will DIE! Do you honestly want us to blow smoke up your backside, and make you feel good about unrealistic dreams, even if that means you go unprepared and DIE!?! Sorry, but if that is what you want, you're going to have to make your own dumb decisions. I'm not going to help you.

Second, and most important, if your dreams are really so flimsy that any little bit of cold water is going to destroy them, as I already said, you're already doomed. If the least bit of negativity is all it takes to shatter your dreams then how well do you think they're going to hold up to the harsh realities of the world? You need dreams that can withstand a heck of a lot more than a little bit of truth from some strangers on the internet or else you ain't goin' anywhere anyway!

No, what you need to hear is not encouragement. Your encouragement needs to come from within. What you need to hear is the truth. If the truth sounds too much like "negativity" to you then forget about sailing the world and go back to your TV. If you can ignore the harshness of this post and still cling to your dreams then maybe--just maybe--they will sustain you through the challenges ahead.

(Don't tell anyone, but I hope your dreams ARE strong enough. Those are the best kind of dreams. The kind of dreams that crumble under a little discouragement weren't worth dreaming about in the first place.)

"
Originally Posted by Bruce626
"But then, there are also a lot of people with ridiculously unrealistic dreams." ==> Yes, but being one of those people, it is better to hear encouragement than cold water.
No, it's not."

Well... having been in Bruce's shoes not that long ago ...

YES IT IS.

So Bruce, I will be your cheerleader. It is up to you to learn to handle your boat sensibly and to respect your limits, but ...

and I don't mean anyone here ...

90% of the naysayers are just saying that so they can prove their expertise. They're insecure.

Learn how to reef your boat quickly and easily. If you can't do it in 15 seconds after you've practiced, then you need a better reefing system.

Make sure you can lower your ladder FROM THE WATER.

Make a drag line, and use it when you're not in crowded waters.

Get a waterproof handheld radio. Lash it to a fanny pack and keep it on you at all times. Then if you land in the water and can't get back to/in your boat for some reason, you can still call for help.

Then go for it. There will ALWAYS be more to learn, but you will only get older, not younger.

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by Rakuflames

"
Originally Posted by Bruce626
"But then, there are also a lot of people with ridiculously unrealistic dreams." ==> Yes, but being one of those people, it is better to hear encouragement than cold water.
No, it's not."

Well... having been in Bruce's shoes not that long ago ...

YES IT IS.

So Bruce, I will be your cheerleader. It is up to you to learn to handle your boat sensibly and to respect your limits, but ...

and I don't mean anyone here ...

90% of the naysayers are just saying that so they can prove their expertise. They're insecure.

Learn how to reef your boat quickly and easily. If you can't do it in 15 seconds after you've practiced, then you need a better reefing system.

Make sure you can lower your ladder FROM THE WATER.

Make a drag line, and use it when you're not in crowded waters.

Get a waterproof handheld radio. Lash it to a fanny pack and keep it on you at all times. Then if you land in the water and can't get back to/in your boat for some reason, you can still call for help.

Then go for it. There will ALWAYS be more to learn, but you will only get older, not younger.

Oh yeah, I meant to say -- I don't know if catamarans can "heave to." But if yours can, learn how to do it.

[Bruce626]

"when you sail far from land, if you are not prepared for reality then there is a very real possibility that you will DIE!" ==? Perhaps, but there is also the 'very real possibility' that one will die from slipping in their bathtub in their own home on dry land; or get hit by a drunk driver on the road. Death comes to all, it is our common destination - the journey to get there is what counts. At 66 I expect to enjoy a decade or more of sailing here in the central Philippines - and with some experience perhaps even Malaysia and Thailand, who knows.

"Do you honestly want us to blow smoke up your backside, and make you feel good about unrealistic dreams" ==> While this may be the only way you have of communicating with people, most of the helpful people typically find ways of encouraging the dream while providing useful advice for the dreamer to consider. Negativity is not such a large part of most people's personality as it seems to be for you.

"if your dreams are really so flimsy that any little bit of cold water is going to destroy them, as I already said, you're already doomed." ==> Fortunately for us doomed dreamers, we tend to ignore the bluster of negative individuals and have more useful dialogs with the many people who can provide encouragement and useful advice. I am here in the Philippines about ten degrees north of the equator enjoying fine tropical weather, swimming in warm clear water, and outfitting my sailing catamaran - perhaps not as doomed as you and the other nattering nabobs of negativism might imagine.

[denverd0n]

Originally Posted by Bruce626

Fortunately for us doomed dreamers, we tend to ignore the bluster of negative individuals...

I think you missed my point. If your dreams are strong enough that you can ignore a few negative comments then GOOD FOR YOU! You don't need to worry about whether or not someone is blunt and realistic in telling you what to expect. It may sound like "negativity," but then you'll just ignore that aspect of it.

You are obviously NOT going to be one of those who whines "Gee, there's too much negativity around here. You're spoiling all of my dreams." Nobody's going to spoil your dreams, because your dreams aren't so weak that they can be spoiled by a negative comment or two from a stranger on the internet. If your dreams are, in some ways, unrealistic then you'll take the useful information available in a blunt comment and move on.

In that sense, you really DON'T need a lot of encouragement, because you've got your own internal encouragement that is going to keep you going. And your own internal encouragement is always far more useful, meaningful, and encouraging than anything you can get from anyone else.

But those others, the one's whose dreams CAN be spoiled by a stranger telling them that they are being unrealistic... Their dreams weren't strong enough to sustain them anyway. For them, it's probably a good thing to quit the dream now, before it costs them a lot of time and money.

[David_Old_Jersey]

I am not much of one for giving folk the full "Yeehah! - Go for it!" - but a little encouragement can go a long way. No man is an island (unless he has a tree growing out of his head, then he might be ).

Some folk simply like to p#ss over the dreams of others - if that's what works for them then they are simply sad people.