Sailing Couples - Redundancy in Skills

[Mike OReilly]

I think this is a very interesting question IE. I know it's not unusual, but I find it odd when I hear about couples who don't share the work load, or when one member just comes on for the ride. This life is hard enough with the two of us working together. I couldn't imagine doing it all without my partner.

On that note, solo sailors amaze me. Almost any boat project is not just twice as hard as a solo, it's three or four times more difficult. I just don't know how I'd do it all without my spouse.

[thomm225]

Originally Posted by Iron E

We've been boating together for almost 25 years both sail and power, and while my wife is capable of much of the sailing and motoring, she's not familiar with many of the repairs that might be necessary: fuel, filters, bleeding system, electrical, diagnosis, etc. This is 100% my fault, I've assumed she wouldn't be interested.
A wise sailor very recently reminded me that having a capable partner makes them more comfortable and confident when sailing. Whether coastal cruising or passage making.

We have battery redundancies, extra VHF, extra fuel filters, Extra hardware and lines, and even an extra lifeboat in case our main boat quits floating. It makes sense that if we have a partner, they should be capable of filling in.

Sounds like you are mainly saying she is weak with engine and electrical maintenance.

As long as she can sail though, she should be able to get home on the boat.

And leave all the maintenance for you to do.

Lots of guys love to do maintenance and repairs then talk about what they did even though it's pretty boring stuff.

[Iron E]

Originally Posted by thomm225

Sounds like you are mainly saying she is weak with engine and electrical maintenance.

Yes, she is. Recently, she expressed interest in learning more. I think I may have taken it for granted that it was my job.

Next week I'll give her a basic fuel systems class with bleeding procedures and see how it goes.

[thomm225]

Originally Posted by Iron E

Yes, she is. Recently, she expressed interest in learning more. I think I may have taken it for granted that it was my job.

Next week I'll give her a basic fuel systems class with bleeding procedures and see how it goes.

If she is already good at sailing the boat, she shouldn't need to know much boat maintenance since she has you for that.

If she has sailing skills, she can get the boat back to shore.

[JPA Cate]

Women vary in their interest in things mechanical, but to me, Iron E's wife's expression of interest is a very healthy thing. Suppose he gets knocked overboard by the boom and she is unable to rescue him , or she does but he has concussion and can't help: and then, fuel filters clog while she is trying to get home, the sort of scenario we hear about often enough. We don't know why she wants to learn, but I'd think that she would overall feel happier on the boat if she knew she could handle common tasks. If she learns both electrical and fuel systems, she would be in a better position to keep the boat if something bad happened to Iron E, and she has learned a little about inventing solutions to potential problems. She may even find pleasure in tasks that respond to linear logic.

It's true, some women do like to be a pampered princess on board, but others want to share. I say good on her for it!

Ann

[thinwater]

Originally Posted by Mike OReilly

...On that note, solo sailors amaze me. Almost any boat project is not just twice as hard as a solo, it's three or four times more difficult. I just don't know how I'd do it all without my spouse.

My wife deserves a compliment. There are other types of help and support than physical help sailing the boat. Sailing is not the hard part. She makes cruising easier.

[Wolfe10]

We had a rule-- applied to boat selection and the sailing "learning curve".


The lesser skilled person (wife) absolutely HAD to be able to handle the boat under non-emergency conditions, know use of radio and navigation and be able to dock the boat.


Docking may not be as "pretty", but I can assure you that my wife would not have done the any thousands of miles we did if she was not comfortable being able to address the "what if's".

[JPA Cate]

Originally Posted by Wolfe10

We had a rule-- applied to boat selection and the sailing "learning curve".


The lesser skilled person (wife) absolutely HAD to be able to handle the boat under non-emergency conditions, know use of radio and navigation and be able to dock the boat.

Docking may not be as "pretty", but I can assure you that my wife would not have done the any thousands of miles we did if she was not comfortable being able to address the "what if's".

Hi, Wolfe10,

Yup, you got it. Those "what ifs" occupied many of my thoughts during my long night watches....

Ann

[Kettlewell]

OTOH I think this is one of those things we all worry about that we shouldn't. I have been doing this a long time and I can't recall an instance of someone I know being incapacitated onboard. Plus, 90% or more of our time onboard is at anchor and probably 99% within vhf or cellphone range of help.

[JPA Cate]

Originally Posted by Kettlewell

OTOH I think this is one of those things we all worry about that we shouldn't. I have been doing this a long time and I can't recall an instance of someone I know being incapacitated onboard. Plus, 90% or more of our time onboard is at anchor and probably 99% within vhf or cellphone range of help.

In a way, I think this is a very fair analysis. I don't like it either, when people try to make it sound more dangerous than it really is. When I first started ocean sailing--out of SF Bay, I told myself I could swim ashore from where our courses took us. And I probably could have, then, hardly ever more than 5-10 miles off, and I was a good swimmer, too. I only ever thought about it on long watches far offshore, when there was no satphone or Starlink, when it was comms by ham radio or marine SSB out there, or there were none. But I do think a woman with a lot of pride or honor, would still rather be able to get herself out of the situation than have to ask or beg for help, in the unlikely event of something bad happening.

Unlike kettlewell, we have heard of incapacitation at sea, and the case was awful, too. The husband was aloft, at sea in a seaway, to fix something that had gone wrong, and he had a heart attack up there. She didn't know enough to be able to get him down. It was 10 days of hell for her before she could use the vhf to contact someone to help her into a Customs berth. There was another one, comes to mind, guy jumped in to check his anchor, and an alligator took him, with his wife on deck, looking. But this was in the Solomon Is., a long way from their home in Europe.

Jim and I came down with the Victoria A flu one year, a few days out of Opua, NZ, and were so sick we kept no watch for 3 days, with the boat hove to. Possibly my most fearful time at sea. I could barely make it from my quarterberth to the head in time, and we were both affected at both ends. Un-injured, for sure, but definitely no use at all. Another guy we knew died on his boat from ciguatera poisoning; another from blackwater fever. But all of these were way far away from help. Twenty-one or two days IS a long way from help, if your comms are down.

I apologize for telling an upsetting tale. I hope I will be forgiven, but I think it would be irresponsible of me to fail to share our experience.

Ann

[Kettlewell]

My wife and I have been sailing together for around 45 years and she was first mate on a tall ship, so I'm not worried about her getting home. I just think this is another so-called "safety" worry that is way overblown. Of course stuff happens, but I think this one is way down the list. Frankly, I feel in greater danger on the road. What if I had a heart attack while driving? I could kill everyone in the car and other people too.

[gallatin1988]

To paraphrase something I read the other day:
"Teach your wife everything you know and be extra nice to her because if you fall overboard not only does she need to how find and retrieve you, she has to want to."

[Jeff C.]

Originally Posted by Kettlewell

My wife and I have been sailing together for around 45 years and she was first mate on a tall ship, so I'm not worried about her getting home. I just think this is another so-called "safety" worry that is way overblown. Of course stuff happens, but I think this one is way down the list. Frankly, I feel in greater danger on the road. What if I had a heart attack while driving? I could kill everyone in the car and other people too.

If you have a medical problem in a car, you can usually pull to the side of the road and phone call for help.

That's harder to do in the middle of an ocean.

[bergius]

Originally Posted by Iron E

Among the sailing couples here, how many of you feel confident that both partners possess the skills necessary to safely bring the boat to port if something were to happen to the other?

We both have the same sailing licenses and a similar amount of miles.

To make sure everybody keeps the skills fresh, we swap the roles every day. So when we're day sailing (like we now do in Western Scotland), every other day I navigate and steer the harbour manoeuvres, and every other day I do the line work and hoist sails. So, one of us is the "skipper of the day"

This is not just a safety concern. Out of the cruising couples we know, the only one that has kept sailing together to their mid-80s is the one which shared all boat handling and navigation tasks.

There are some areas where each of us is more specialized. I do more of the electrical system, while she does the diesel engine maintenance. But in a pinch either of us can do stuff there too.

[Mike OReilly]

I guess it depends, in part, on where and how one cruises. Where we typically go, we’re usually outside of any cell coverage. Even VHF is sketchy, and often we don’t see another boat, or soul, for days at a time. So I do think it’s important for both of us to be competent in all systems. But my main focus on this is really that it just makes everything a lot easier if both partners are fully engaged in the life.