Sailing Couples - Redundancy in Skills

[Nicholson58]

Of the two of us I am the most competent but my wife is fully capable of getting home including navigation from well offshore, chart reading etc. she can muddle through the systems and knows where the through hulls are. She can launch and operate the dinghy, a skill we were shocked some sailing partners did not have.

You can’t cruise and live aboard as a couple if only one is capable. If you single hand, only the vessel is at risk. As a couple, the surviving spouse is also at risk.

[singlespeed]

Even after 11 years fulltime on the boat, my wife cannot sail. Getting down the sails is also questionable. She can start the boat's engines and easily motor confidently, in the ICW. She has no desire to learn how to sail, but loves the life. I always wear a tether when underway.

[gulfislandfred]

RE Seasick or potentially seasick


Tums, rolaids, or generic equivalents!

I have been sailing for over 60 years. I get seasick sometimes. (I think a lot of sailors get seasick and don't talk about it)
Two things:


I have used all the remedies I know of, over the years. You can take a Tums before you leave the dock, just for the calcium. Or chew one up at the first sign of discomfort. If you take another two or three over the next hour, no danger. If you do barf 'em up, the mint flavour makes it a little nicer
Number two:
Seasick is usually about feeling tense. I can often do some deep breathing and concentration on relax, and avoid it altogether.
The more we're out on the water, the better our sea legs get. (for most of us) If I don't go out all winter, I may need to get my sea legs back in the spring.

[Mike OReilly]

Originally Posted by Nicholson58

You can’t cruise and live aboard as a couple if only one is capable. If you single hand, only the vessel is at risk. As a couple, the surviving spouse is also at risk.

This is how we feel as well. It makes no sense (to me… to us) to have all or even most of the skills isolated with one member of the crew. We both do pretty much everything. If one of us were incapacitated, the other would certainly be able to manage. For us, it just makes sense to do it this way. It also means we are both fully engaged in the whole life. There are no “captains” or “admirals” on our boat.

That’s not to say our way is the right way. It’s just ‘our’ way.

On the question of mal de mer, my partner is susceptible to it. When it’s rolly and foggy it is best for her to be on the helm, or asleep down below. With two of us, it’s usually easily managed. If it was just one person with the tendency, it would be a lot more challenging.

[Iron E]

Originally Posted by Mike OReilly

That’s not to say our way is the right way. It’s just ‘our’ way.

This is a great clarification. There is no "one size fits all" or "Correct" answer here.

[Wolfe10]

Originally Posted by Mike OReilly

This is how we feel as well. It makes no sense (to me… to us) to have all or even most of the skills isolated with one member of the crew. We both do pretty much everything. If one of us were incapacitated, the other would certainly be able to manage. For us, it just makes sense to do it this way. It also means we are both fully engaged in the whole life. There are no “captains” or “admirals” on our boat.

Mike,


I agree with everything you said, except the last sentence.


My wife lets me be Captain, but, she IS the Admiral!


Oh, and she said to not even considering a mutiny.

[Nicholson58]

One person rides while the other does everything also can lead to resentment, two ways.
I’m doing it all, no help.
or
I feel useless. You don’t teach me anything.

Frankly, I couldn’t do it all alone. Many tasks are too big or complicated or dangerous to do alone. We have a differentiation along the usual role lines. She does 99% of the cooking, groceries, food and fridge-freezer management. I do engines stuff, sail fine trim. She deploys and furls the main and jib. I run the mizzen and light air sails.

Bad stuff can happen quickly on our large boat and a second set of eyes and able hands solves many issues before it’s trouble.

[JPA Cate]

Originally Posted by pbmaise

I seem to have a knack for picking a romantic partner who gets seasick. So my question is going forward...how do you broach the subject of getting seasick on the first date?

You don't. You carry extra meds on the boat. Even meclizine HCl, trade name "marezine" (available OTC most places) works for most people.

Or, you do in this way: Wanna come for a sail on my yacht? (if answer is yes, tell them to buy dramamine - well known - and take according to the directions, one hour before the rendezvous, and bring the rest of the packet, just in case. If they get sleepy, let em lie down on the downhill side of the boat, and change your immediate plans.)

Ann

[paul2884]

Originally Posted by thinwater

Not me. My wife is semi-disabled.



An alternate question is "do you feel confident singlehanding?" If the answer is yes, then the answer to the first question should not matter. Plan as though you are singlehanding.


If the answer to both questions is no, then you may have a problem.

That is fine for you if you are fit and able, what happens when you are layed out unconscious?

[paul2884]

Completely agree, we both have our preferred jobs but I am sure my wife would safety navigate and tie up if I was unable to help

[RSH]

Originally Posted by Iron E

Among the sailing couples here, how many of you feel confident that both partners possess the skills necessary to safely bring the boat to port if something were to happen to the other?

We both started with zero boating experience when we bought our catamaran in late 2018, so our skills have evolved organically. We took all of the ASA classes onboard our own boat, and we aren’t one of those couples who think blue and pink jobs.

As it turns out, I like docking the boat and I’m good at it. He hates docking the boat but is adequate at it. I’m adequate at putting the sails up and figuring out points of sail, he’s good at it and loves it. It’s pretty much like that with all of the rest of the systems/jobs onboard.

My point is, we’re both at least adequate for all areas of the boat, but we definitely have our complementary areas of skill that have developed. It makes for a nice partnership at sea (we’ve been married for 30 years and having the boat has shown us where we can improve on our already reasonably good communication skills).

[Mike OReilly]

Originally Posted by RSH

We both started with zero boating experience when we bought our catamaran in late 2018, so our skills have evolved organically. We took all of the ASA classes onboard our own boat, and we aren’t one of those couples who think blue and pink jobs.

As it turns out, I like docking the boat and I’m good at it. He hates docking the boat but is adequate at it. I’m adequate at putting the sails up and figuring out points of sail, he’s good at it and loves it. It’s pretty much like that with all of the rest of the systems/jobs onboard.

My point is, we’re both at least adequate for all areas of the boat, but we definitely have our complementary areas of skill that have developed. It makes for a nice partnership at sea (we’ve been married for 30 years and having the boat has shown us where we can improve on our already reasonably good communication skills).

Nice to read that there are others who “do it” like us.

[thomm225]

My female crews could sail but getting them used to being trapped out was the hard part especially if the wind was up or the race was long as in our yearly 100 mile race.

I guess the buoy races were the toughest though as you might do 4 races in one day, and there would be constant tacks and gybes with boats very close by. (and sometimes yelling from very competitive racers)

Since I sailed beach cats, there were no real systems to maintain, but it was still hard to find female crews that would trap out at 15-25 knots.

The two pictured would sail with me. Both being in their mid to late 40's at the time.

Videos are one from the past on H16's, and a couple today on a Nacra 17 foiling beach cat much more recent.

My female crews usually sailed/raced with me on a Nacra 6.0.

The lady in the dress was 5'9" about 145-150 lbs. and very strong, but very feminine as well which I thought was strange since I didn't know too many very feminine woman that were also big and strong and somewhat fearless. Pictures of her was maybe 15 years or so after she crewed for me in several races. She's probably around 60 years old there and just retired.

The other lady shading her eyes went through two high speed pitchpoles on my Nacra 6.0 and didn't even complain too much.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO0LkUDALNk&t=3s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MYCvLdejAo

[Jim Woodall]

My wife and I switch roles every month or so, including all maintenance and repairs. In fact, she is better at some of the mechanical jobs because she fits into the engine and generator compartments better. She spends roughly 30 days as skipper at the helm for all maneuvers including docking, then we switch for roughly 30 days. We also rotate all sail handling jobs, navigation, and passage planning.

We’ve done it like this for the last 25 years. I have complete confidence she could bring us in to port safely if needed.

[Godshalk]

Originally Posted by Pcpete

Another powerboater here. Some years ago my Yacht Club ran a series of classes called “Suddenly In Command” where the focus was making sure that should the skipper be incapacitated the crew had the skills to get home safely.
The course included a destination cruise-in where positions were rotated and the “First Mate” would navigate the boat slip to slip for the entire trip.

You may be referring to The Cruising Club of America's "Suddenly Alone," now called "Safety for Cruising Couples" https://sas.cruisingclub.org/scc, which is addressed specifically to cruising couples. In addition to raising the chances of a safe return to port, which may never be needed, the bigger value of the seminar is that both members of the couple enjoy cruising more when each has the requisite skills. The seminars are offered by The CCA at local yacht clubs.