Do You Have to Be 'Macho' to Get into this ?

[Uncle Buck]

Originally Posted by zeehag

sport?? more like lifestyle.....
goood pic!

Agreed....perhaps I'll see you down in Mx this winter. I'm southbound again late fall.

[Cheechako]

It's a discomfort vs reward thing really. Sailing overnight, shorthanded with a crew of 2, missing your sleep schedule, worrying about a squall line, potential bad weather etc etc etc, can be disconcerting for sure. The boat can take it, people sometimes cant. You do need to convince yourself that, although uncomfortable, the boat will be OK. Then you need to determine if you like waking up on the water in a calm anchorage with no schedule but to go ashore and find out how the rest of the world lives....etc. If you like that part, then training yourself to live with the other part might be easier. Maybe you two should charter somewhwere in paradise and see how you like it?

[maytrix]

Originally Posted by EvanStolze

The idea that you should only go sailing when it's not choppy and windy is flawed. It implies that those conditions are excessively dangerous, and this is what leads to the anxiety and the inability to relax and enjoy it. Perhaps waiting for warm, calm conditions is an option in some areas, but my boat would be on the dock for 7 months of the year (San Francisco) if those conditions were requisite for taking women sailing.....

But if it is these conditions that cause the most anxiety, avoiding them at the start may not be a bad idea. Sometimes you have to start small and build up.

If someone is learning to ski, you don't just go take them down a black diamond. You start on the bunny slope and build up. There's also days you wouldn't go to help improve their experience. Same applies to sailing or any other activity. Everyone needs to go at their own pace and it sounds like the OP is going being her comfort zone. Go to the edge, but don't go over. The more you go to the edge, the further away that edge gets.

[zeehag]

evan--will be in mazatlan until the named ones leave me alone--around nov or dec,depending on situation in phoenix--if dad is failing too fast i may stay in maz a while or go up sea for a bit so momma can visit me. all depends on how momma takes the loss. i am best off out of the mess...bu ti will stick around for momma to make sure she is strong thru it all.
if i sound cold--is because loss of family member is way too much like the work i did 30+ yrs and i did save dad in 1986, and consulted a bunch since then-- all in my family know the score.

[Uncle Buck]

Originally Posted by maytrix

But if it is these conditions that cause the most anxiety, avoiding them at the start may not be a bad idea. Sometimes you have to start small and build up.

If someone is learning to ski, you don't just go take them down a black diamond. You start on the bunny slope and build up. There's also days you wouldn't go to help improve their experience. Same applies to sailing or any other activity. Everyone needs to go at their own pace and it sounds like the OP is going being her comfort zone. Go to the edge, but don't go over. The more you go to the edge, the further away that edge gets.

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I think it's likely the way the boat is handled in the conditions rather than the conditions themselves that are the issue, and moderating the way the boat is sailed is analogous to choosing a bunny slope vs a black diamond. Avoiding windy days when going sailing (and we all know mother nature is unpredictable) implies they are dangerous and just feeds into irrational fears.

Of course, it is very important to reward your crew after a " hard " day's sailing with some R&R on the hook out of the wind and chop.

[zeehag]

omg everyone wearing warmies--eeeeps-- wrong kinda sailing.......is better here --big winds and no clothes......

[maytrix]

Originally Posted by EvanStolze

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I think it's likely the way the boat is handled in the conditions rather than the conditions themselves that are the issue, and moderating the way the boat is sailed is analogous to choosing a bunny slope vs a black diamond. Avoiding windy days when going sailing (and we all know mother nature is unpredictable) implies they are dangerous and just feeds into irrational fears.

I do agree, but it seems you are suggesting she continue to go out in the conditions she is not enjoying, which I don't think will help. It sounds like it would simply lead to her determining she doesn't enjoy it.

I think the very bottom line is that she needs to make her partner very aware of how she feels so he can moderate their sailing in a way that suits her and also take her out in weather she will enjoy.

I think the suggestion of going chartering is probably a great idea to experience sailing in a warmer climate. As much as I like to sail, if I had to bundle up every time we went, it would be far less enjoyable to me.

[zeehag]

teach partner how to read sea and wind so partner--male or female- can know when to remind ye to reef or whatever.....

[nigel1]

My partner has the same problem that Patience faces, stressed when the wind picks up, the boat heels etc.
After her first sail out in the Irish Sea, I could see the problem, and the solution was pretty simple.
Reef early, keep the boat more on her feet. Everything gets explained before it happens, Bev takes the tasks she is comfortable with, like letting go the sheet on a tack, or adjusting the travelller, taking the helm.
When we set off from the dock, the main is always reefed, then when she is comfortable, we can shake out the reef.
The other thing which helped is having the dog along, the dog is more stressed than our Bev, and when she's calming the dog, it helps her.

I woulod also suggest a few sailing lessons with an all fairer sex crew and skipper

[Dkdoyle]

K if its blustery don't go. You don't have to go in nasty weather just because he wants to. I am a woman and we learn and byild confidence in our own time and in our own way. You should practice sailing skills in good weather. That means you take the lines and the wheel.
Once you are confident with good weather the move up to a little mor challenge. I think alot of women quit sailing because of being pushed. Just my two cents. And for what it worth i like nice light summer breezes. Nothing wrong with that. Sounds like yoy need some women sailing lessons. There is one in the keys and it sooo nice there. Have fun not fear

[perchance]

I once heard anxiety defined as "fear spread thin" and I can appreciate where it comes. If you are like me it starts when you get in the car to go to the marina. You begin playing out scenarios in your head like what if the motor dies on the way out or in or we run aground or the weather goes south etc. etc. I think the only cure for this as everyone else says is repetition, repetition, repetition. It is like getting into a cold bath, one toe at a time.

[Dkdoyle]

Perchance it helps to be the planning person. That way you know the plan. I also try to think through what would u do?
If the engine quits i have two options. Sail it in or throw out the anchor and call seatow. If it sinks i have a kayak and a lifevest to get me home. Completely and blindly relying on someone else is not a partner. Cruising couples i have met have complete trust and respect in each orher.
Sit him down and talk about it. Alot of guys (not all) are not good at seeing the signs of unease so the can modify their behavor. My spouse won't sail at all but does support my love it and i support his love of rebuildung boats.

[zeehag]

but--once ye has a day in high breezes and like it--it gets easier every time after that and more funner too----no--isnt a guy thing---is a fun thing....

[SurferShane]

For a ladies perspective and some cruising inspiration I recommend reading the following,

Self Sufficient Sailor | Sailing Blog | Lin & Larry Pardey

[perchance]

Originally Posted by Dkdoyle

Perchance it helps to be the planning person. That way you know the plan. I also try to think through what would u do?
If the engine quits i have two options. Sail it in or throw out the anchor and call seatow. If it sinks i have a kayak and a lifevest to get me home. Completely and blindly relying on someone else is not a partner. Cruising couples i have met have complete trust and respect in each orher.
Sit him down and talk about it. Alot of guys (not all) are not good at seeing the signs of unease so the can modify their behavor. My spouse won't sail at all but does support my love it and i support his love of rebuildung boats.

I should have mentioned in my post that I'm not a person of the female species. Having said that I think a lot of men are not as macho as they appear, after all if you are the "captain". You have a lot on your plate as regards the safety of the vessel and crew which tends to add to the anxiety level. I do plan for contingencies but that doesn't make it any less of a "holy ****" moment when things go wrong. My wife tends to panic and freeze up when things go south so I have only myself to rely on but at least she is willing to come out with me under ideal conditions and has even been known to take the helm if I need to go forward or use the head, but not for too long. I think she plays too many disaster movies in her head to be truly comfortable aboard. I find this strange since her father was a wooden boat builder and she and her siblings were often called on to sail with him while the planks swelled. In her own words she said it was "bail and shift,bail and shift" so maybe the experience soured her on the whole sailing thing.