Gay Cruising Couple Experiences?

[140422]

Hi all,

My partner and I are interested in spending a few years on a cruising sailboat. We currently sail a lovely Daysailer frequently in the summer, and plan on getting our ASA 102-105 certifications on a sailing course/vacation soon.

Ideally we'll save more money over the next few years, and take a sabbatical from work on a small boat starting on the US East Coast.

Anyway, we were hoping to get the personal perspective of any other gay folks who have embarked on a similar journey. If you know of anyone who may be able to chat, please send along an email or more information, as we would really appreciate it.

Thank you!

[Celestialsailor]

Welcome to the forum. I had a couple of friends who took their Tayana 37 around the world. They had some great stories. I would encourage you to visit the "Meets and Greets" page, introduce yourself there and seek knowledge from anyone.

[grantmc]

Welcome to the forum Mass_Sailor.

Hoping that you'll gain help and useful information from joining and posting in the forum. And as to your specific question I don't see how your commitment to each other would affect your sailing. Why would your relationship be anyone else's business?

Always do feel free to post your own thoughts, questions and ideas here on CF. The forum only works when people post, and 95% of members here seem reluctant. Don't be a lurker.

[fxykty]

Other than reactions of others towards PDAs I don’t think there are any differences in cruising as a gay, lesbian, pan or hetero couple, nor as a polyamorous group. We’re all human and it’s all good.

That said, several of the gay couples that we’ve met in New Zealand and Australia do fly a rainbow flag. That may be more extrovert than you would like, but burgees or other flags under the port spreader are a way of publicly expressing your country, state, sporting, club or whatever else affiliations. The gin pennant goes there as well. https://www.etsy.com/au/listing/2706...ef=share_v4_lx

In cruising the South Pacific I would guess that in the countries further west with more conservative moral values you would want to minimise publicity with the officials, but I guess on the US East Coast and the Caribbean that would be less of an issue.

[GordMay]

Greetings and welcome aboard the CF, Mass sailor.

[valhalla360]

Unless you are outspoken and in your face about it, I don't know why you would expect an issue.

Really no different from over the top displays of public affection among straight folks. If you are in a conservative area and want to avoid hassles, just keep it low key and in private. If questioned, you are just two buddies sharing expenses.

[sailorboy1]

Originally Posted by mass_sailor

Anyway, we were hoping to get the personal perspective of any other gay folks who have embarked on a similar journey. If you know of anyone who may be able to chat, please send along an email or more information, as we would really appreciate it.

Thank you!

I have met many gay cruisers. They have never expressed any issues about being gay cruisers. I would suspect that given how many cruisers are already kind of "out there" compared to the normal world that in general the cruising world accepts "different" people more to start with.

I bet there is a Facebook page for "gay cruisers"

[John_Trusty]

Never saw Sailorboy's signature line in quite the same way! Welcome to the forum, Mass_sailor. Very achievable goals you have, and a nice plan to get some training paired with practice to get to your goal.

Known a couple of couples on-the-dock, and never saw any stupid reactions. I'm certain that they experienced some aggressions or ignorance along the way that I did not witness. I would think that it would not be any more than you probably already experience in the land world - there are bigoted people out there. Similarly, there are many allies out there as well. As Sailorboy mentioned, cruisers are a pretty easy-going and accepting bunch.

[Fore and Aft]

Mass Sailor I have had gay, lesbian and cross dressing clients and they never reported any issues. In fact I would say those labels are pretty tame. There's a sub species of Sailor that I have met and dealt with that defys any label. Certainly they're unique and your bound to meet some of them.
There could be a problem if you "Accidentally" show your marine surveyor some dick pictures. (Has happened) Or if you try to get your marine surveyor into a four way with his wife (has happened as well). I laughed at all those experiences but some people wouldn't.
Cheers

[Shrew]

Originally Posted by mass_sailor

Anyway, we were hoping to get the personal perspective of any other gay folks who have embarked on a similar journey. If you know of anyone who may be able to chat, please send along an email or more information, as we would really appreciate it.

My sexuality or preferences have never come into play when considering activities that don't involve sex. I regret that your life experiences have proven otherwise. That is a sad commentary regarding people in general.

[140422]

Thanks all for the comments!

Originally Posted by sailorboy1

I have met many gay cruisers. They have never expressed any issues about being gay cruisers. I would suspect that given how many cruisers are already kind of "out there" compared to the normal world that in general the cruising world accepts "different" people more to start with.

This is great to hear, thank you! We have found it similar with back country camping and backpacking, where most people enjoying those activities tend to be easy going.

There's always the state department's LGBT travel advisory list to keep in mind too which is helpful. There are certainly countries within reach of this trip that would need to be avoided (Jamaica for example) but that can be researched as we go.

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by mass_sailor

There's always the state department's LGBT travel advisory list to keep in mind too which is helpful. There are certainly countries within reach of this trip that would need to be avoided (Jamaica for example) but that can be researched as we go.

Why do you need to avoid Jamaica? I've known several people who have enjoyed travel there with no problems. Wife's bosses used to go there all the time and they seemed to enjoy it with no particular fear.

Unless you are being militant about displaying your preference, no one is likely to know or care.

[140422]

Originally Posted by valhalla360

Why do you need to avoid Jamaica? I've known several people who have enjoyed travel there with no problems. Wife's bosses used to go there all the time and they seemed to enjoy it with no particular fear.

Unless you are being militant about displaying your preference, no one is likely to know or care.

Um, not sure we would be "militant" about anything (I've never met anyone who is "militant" about their sexuality) but being able to pass for straight is not a guarantee for us. Constantly scrutinizing and policing the "gayness" of your own actions to avoid risk is exhausting, so that's why we're specifically seeking the advice of other gay folks for guidance.

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by mass_sailor

Um, not sure we would be "militant" about anything (I've never met anyone who is "militant" about their sexuality) but being able to pass for straight is not a guarantee for us. Constantly scrutinizing and policing the "gayness" of your own actions to avoid risk is exhausting, so that's why we're specifically seeking the advice of other gay folks for guidance.

We are straight and we police our actions when in another county with differences in what is acceptable behavior. Never felt it to be exhausting.

And yes, when in some countries, even a husband and wife holding hands or giving a quick kiss in public is considered inappropriate. We save it for in private when in those countries.

Most tourist oriented countries are pretty lenient about tourists breaking the local norms but this is if you are in the tourist areas. Go off into local areas, and you are better off not publicly violating those norms...gay or straight.

So again, if you intend to demonstrate your relationship publicly without regard for local custom, expect some push back (hopefully just annoying). Keep your PDA for private time and it's unlikely anyone will even know.

[140422]

Originally Posted by valhalla360

We are straight and we police our actions when in another county with differences in what is acceptable behavior. Never felt it to be exhausting.

Yikes - I know it can be difficult to imagine another's perspective, but you are not in a comparable situation to us, as a straight couple.

I don't want to start a fight on a sailing forum or anything, if anyone else has a perspective you think we may find useful, please PM me. Thanks again, all!