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Captn_Black · 29-01-2009, 16:00

Ever seen the film 'Secretary' ?
I think that's the kind of women your going to need....

Gman2065g · 29-01-2009, 17:01

Secretary? Never heard of it. Whats it about?

Captn_Black · 29-01-2009, 17:58

Here's a trailer for you -

YouTube - Secretary Trailer 2002

Maybe not everyones cup of tea, we enjoyed it...

Gman2065g · 30-01-2009, 13:07

Thats the chick from the movie "Stranger Than Fiction."

Captn_Black · 30-01-2009, 13:13

Aye!
'tis indeed!

**Jim Cate** · 30-01-2009, 13:44

No matter how much I've learned over the years (including my failures in this matter) I must admit that I am inadequate and unqualified in understanding how to maintain a good long-lasting relationship with the woman that I love.
This is from Ann Cate, s/v Insatiable II, wife of Jim Cate
By your admission, you want to learn better communication skills. Your relationship depends on it. Do you think you could
bring yourself to seek communication counseling? Do you think
you could ask your fiancee if she would go, too? Do you think
the way in which you include her might affect her reactions?
Flattery, flowers, etc., have their place, but don't address the
whole issue of communicating meaningfully with with people of the other gender. One message from the joke is that your fiancee perceives herself as a woman of peseverance, IMO an excellent quality for a cruiser.
One of the big areas of difficulties in relationships is negotiations about money; another is personal priorities. If you communicate with your fiancee without using terms of "blame", like you "always," and you "never," and listen to her answers,
you're on the right track. But most any psychologist or social worker can teach you this stuff in a few visits, if you want to learn, and then you'd have some new skills to apply to a different relationship if it doesn't work out for this one. Try to be logical about it: effective communication is a skill than can be taught and learned! Maintaining relationships takes energy and lots of commitment. Good luck to both of you.

Ann

MarkJ · 30-01-2009, 16:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

better communication skills. ....

Ann

Hi Ann.

Sometimes its not communicating thats important.
There is nowhere to 'go' on a 40 foot boat!
When I want to go to the mens 'cave' (Men are from Mars) there is nowhere on a boat I can't be followed or out of ear shot.

So I think its really important for both partners to know that an argument / discussion etc must have a stopping point - or physical place.

When I go up the foredeck that means I want to be left alone. Like when on land a bloke caqn jump in his car and buzz off for a while on some 'errand'

Mark

Sea Wolf · 30-01-2009, 18:01

Rick,
Hats off to you! There aren't a lot of men who ponder the fact that they need to keep their mate happy if they want to do any extended cruising. I don't know about other women; I can only tell you what keeps me afloat on a full time basis... a husband who makes sure that I have more than what I need by way of creature comforts and who tells me how much he appreciates the fact that I'm out there doing it with him. Take a look at our website (The Cruisers Life - Home). At the bottom is a funny story that Bill wrote for the site.

First, I don't function well at a 45 degree angle, so we have a catamaran; problem solved. I cook and bake a great deal, so we have a 3 burner propane stove/oven; problem solved. I like a clean and neat boat with a place for everything, so Bill made sure I got plenty of storage space when we rebuild Sea Wolf (you can see some pictures on the forum); problem solved. I like to read at night so we put a ton of solar panels on the boat so energy wasn't an issue; once again, problem solved. The list goes on and on, but I think you get the idea.

I think the most important thing is that we do almost everything together and we like it that way. When I'm fussy, we do what will make me happy. When he's fussy, we do what makes him happy. I'd suggest you concentrate on doing things that she enjoys until the boat and sailing are just part of the adventure. We were told that cruising is 90% boredom and 10% sheer terror. I certainly don't like the sheer terror part, but I've not found anything boring yet. Ahhhhh, but the adventure of it is something I've come to need as much as Bill does.

Good luck!

Loree
Aboard Sea Wolf

Captn_Black · 30-01-2009, 19:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Hi Ann.

Sometimes its not communicating thats important.
There is nowhere to 'go' on a 40 foot boat!
When I want to go to the mens 'cave' (Men are from Mars) there is nowhere on a boat I can't be followed or out of ear shot.

So I think its really important for both partners to know that an argument / discussion etc must have a stopping point - or physical place.

When I go up the foredeck that means I want to be left alone. Like when on land a bloke caqn jump in his car and buzz off for a while on some 'errand'

Mark

That's a very sensible idea mate, there has to be a place for a 'time-out'.
I think most women need that as much as men.
Though both parties would have to resist getting 'the last word'...

**Pblais** · 30-01-2009, 19:55

Quote:

So I think its really important for both partners to know that an argument / discussion etc must have a stopping point - or physical place.

If we had that we could end most of the world wars and all live happily ever after. If we all knew what we all should know it wouldn't be necessary and we would all drink less. There could be a theoretical down side.

Greenman · 31-01-2009, 05:00

My wife is fiery tempered and I am not, she pick fights, I diffuse. Maintaining calm (or the appearance) is a well practised art which has served me well. When she wants to fight I refuse, thats all there is to it. She eventually cools down and everything is great again. We have lived and worked in the same office for several years (and I was actually her boss for 2 of those years) we didn't kill each other, aalthough I am sure she would have if she thought she would still get my life insurance, anyways, thats one reason we can cruise together. She hasn't killed me in my sleep yet

#1 Rule: maintain calm
#2 Rule: NEVER EVER "Tell" her what to do. Ask, or use good leadership to get jobs done.
#3 Rule: Keep ice cold Budweiser in the fridge (she's an easy mark for her pal Mr. Bud and usually hotdogs too

)

LOL I do a lot of bribing with beer and meat products

Captn_Black · 31-01-2009, 21:33

That could never work for me!
But then I'm assuming your better half is American?
But to be honest, alot of English girls are like that nowadays, but I'm a bit Victorian in my views, never mind... I know there's plenty of places left in the world where they believe girls should be girls and guys should be guys...

zeehag · 05-02-2009, 10:07

ok...i am the female without mate---living aboard and prepping for cruising---should i ever find a man who is interested in me and my boat i might settle down...until then i am the female on board solo----i would love to meet a man who didnt think flowers and perfume but instead thinks repairs and safety....how can i make her life less difficult and more fun......like help me fix my deck issues....or the electricity issues or rebuild my engine-----wow, what a CONCEPT-----i already have perfume i donot use....i already know where to buy flowers for my boat---then i have to clean up the mess they make---and keeep kat from eating the petals off the stems----one of my male FRIENDS gave me a memory foam pad for my bed---annd he wasnt even a lover!!!!! there are so many things of practical nature that would be sooo much nicer than stuff that takes up space and prevents sailing ability of the boat....the men who jus twant to come out and siton the boat whenya are doing repairs arent the right ones....dig in and help me, honey, or get lost---foulies for a gift?? hailyes----love the thought behind the gift---wish i had one like that----so i havent one at all----arent many men who......so i have exactly same problem men have but i am not male......go figger.......(but then i live in kalifornikation, wherein all are superficial and only into the LOOK instead of the reality).........fair winds......

ps----beer??. is for cooking or my male friends---i donot like the flavor of it---but is goood for marinating meats and men.......